"tofu" news and stories

• Be still our anise-loving hearts -- the newfound love for now-legal absinthe, and just what to do with the divine beverage.
• Uh ... would you consider Lays potato chips to be local food?
• Last weekend's Tofu Takedown -- one in a long line of new competitions -- Risotto Challenge, Chowder Slam, Cassoulet Cook-Off. ...
• Sea urchins get trendy and gourmet.
• We never thought swine could be so powerful -- pigs transform Eastern Europe.
• The French speak out on the art of rosés and the possibility of laxer wine rules.
• Two-Minute Squid: a recipe for Spicy Calamari with Tomato, Caperberries and Pine Nuts.
• You could praise the 50th anniversary of Manhattan's Four Seasons restaurant, or you can roast 'em.
• Should we be worrying as much as we do about food safety and food-related scares?
• Crespelle -- Italy's version of a crepe.
• The Minimalist explores asparagus and the flavor of Spring.
• Reviews: Fatty Crab is good for the giddy, maybe not for the rest. The mediocre markets of Bouley and Get Fresh Table.
• Food Stuff: Hydroponic Greens, Funky Truffles, Chicken Nuggets.
• New restaurant openings and the dining calendar.

As one of New York City's most well-appointed concert venues, the Highline Ballroom gets its share of long lines. But the 180 people milling outside its entrance yesterday afternoon hadn't come for the music. They'd come for the soy.

Soy doesn't exactly scream "ruthless fight to the finish," or summon images of a marauding vegetarians. Yet the stakes at the first-ever Tofu Takedown were high enough to inspire even committed bacon lovers to attend the spirited competition, which was organized by Matt Timms, the hungry genius behind the chili, salsa, fondue, cookie and bacon takedowns.

Seventeen amateur cooks gathered in the ballroom to battle it out for tofu supremacy with entries that ranged from so-called "Ethiopian empanadas" to salted caramel tofu gelato. Somewhat surprisingly, sweet far outnumbered savory, demonstrating just how far tofu has come in its role as an ingredient for dessert.

Chili takedowns, cookie takedowns, bacon, salsa and fondue takedowns. Hey, man, competition is sorta part of living in New York City ("if you can make it here ...").

But a Tofu Takedown? Perhaps sensing the neglect felt by vegetarians unable to partake in the carnivorous joys of previous food fights, Matt Timms, the creator of the infamous Chili Takedown, is inciting meat-free madness on May 10. Because nothing says a fight to the death like fermented soybeans, right?

[Via Chili Takedown]

"Dear Mr. Clooney," begins the PETA letter. "We have been offered some of your perspiration, apparently taken from a towel at a gym in Washington, D.C...this prospect has given us an interesting idea...The technology actually exists to take your perspiration and make it into George Clooney-flavored tofu (CloFu)...CloFu will help people be more healthy and environmentally friendly and will spare animals from being killed for the table...The science is pretty straightforward...if you use a sample of human perspiration, it is 'no different than making artificial chicken flavor for instant gravy.'"

I'm pretty sure PETA's kidding about this one, a mere publicity stunt to promote tofu while showing us that "chicken flavoring" is just as gross and weird as "human flavoring." Right? Right?

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Fish are not particularly cuddly animals: they lack warmth, fur, scratchy tongues, and personalities. They don't seem to show much interest in cuddling with humans, playing with catnip, or generally engaging in fun, photogenic activities.

The People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) recently came to the conclusion that this lack of cuddliness is the reason that so many people eat fish. Consequently, they have begun a campaign to rename the aquatic beasts "sea kittens." As campaign coordinator Ashley Byrne notes, "Most parents would never dream of spending a weekend torturing kittens for fun with their families, but hooking a sea kitten through the mouth and dragging her through the water is the same as hooking a kitten through the mouth and dragging her behind your car."

This argument, admittedly, brings to mind about a million rebuttals, but I am inclined to let the differences between fish and kittens speak for themselves. It seens necessary to point out, however, that cats are friendlier than fish and that fish (aka "tofu of the sea") are far stupider than cats. Moreover, while fish taste like fish, my experience has shown that cats actually taste like sesame chicken.