By Mike Pomranz
Stocking appropriate beers to satisfy the diverse range of guests who may arrive at your Super Bowl party can be a quite difficult task. We hate seeing folks fumble their hosting duties, so we've assembled this guide to a variety of typical Super Bowl party guest personalities and the proper beer to have prepared for them upon their arrival should you encounter them. Game on!

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The Relentless Prop Bettor
"Who'll win the coin toss?" "I'll bet you 18-1 Larry Fitzgerald will have between 151 - 160 receiving yards, but if he gets injured the bet is off!" If comments like these keep ringing in your ears, it's likely the guy standing next to you is an inveterate gambler. It's possible he might work himself into such a frenzy he'll pass out after losing all his money when the second quarter total isn't under 13 and a hook, but most likely, beer will fuel this guy well into the evening, even after the game is over. Have some Lionshead, Lone Star or Mickey's bottles on hand, all of which have puzzles under their caps. Seeing who can solve these the fastest will create some fun betting action during halftime and beyond.

The Guy Who's Only In It For the Commercials
There's one in every crowd. Keep an eye out for the guy wearing team paraphernalia for a team who didn't make the big game, or look for the guy who's working the dip bowl during the first big fourth and inches play. But as soon as the zebras call a TV timeout, this guy's glued to the screen. Keep a couple of Miller Lites around for him. It's not that he really drinks beer, but he's got a "Tastes great, less filling!" line locked and loaded for you. All you have to do is toss him that can.

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The Guy Who's Only In It For the Drinking
He'll be easy to spot; just look for the guy wearing a T shirt with a beer logo that has been co-opted to promote his fraternity's spring fling. He's gonna guzzle up a case of whatever you've got, so make sure to stock a 30 pack of something cheap and mass-market. Milwaukee's Best or Natural Light should be right up his alley and keep him away from your good stuff. Don't worry if you buy too much, because he'll take your extras home for you.

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The Confused Non-American
Perhaps your British coworker Charlie overheard your party plans for viewing the biggest football game of the year. Charlie assures you he is a huge football fan and invites himself over after inquiring upon whose "pitch" they'll be playing the "match." Odds are this outspoken Englishman will have more than his fair share of questions and complaints about "American football." Make sure to have some pub lagers well stocked -- preferably in 16 oz. cans -- to keep this guest properly elephant trunk. (That means drunk, to us non-Cockneys.) Some Stella Artois or Kronenbourg should do the trick.

The Living Room Color Commentator
It took us over 20 years to finally get Joe Theismann off the air, and now you have this jerk making witless comments after every play. Your only refuge -- get this guy so well lubricated he decides to take a nap. But you'll be riding a fine line -- if he doesn't chill out, that extra alcohol will just feed into the volume and inanity of his blather. Get something really strong. Any barley wine or Belgian Trappist-style ale should do the trick but Weyerbacher's Blithering Idiot (clocking in at 11% ABV) seems exceedingly appropriate, providing a subtle hint to boot.

The Top Secret Arch-Nemesis
He'll find his way in. Sure, he wasn't invited, but he's a friend of a friend, and he's just arrogant enough to think he's welcome anywhere. That's why you hate him so much to begin with. While you're actually interested in the game, he's over in the corner making a move on your girl. As you're keeping an eye on his moves, you just missed the huge third down conversion. I hate that guy! Get your revenge. Keep a six-pack of Michelob Ultra around. Tell him, "Chicks dig guys who drink this stuff. It makes them look healthy and athletic." He's just dumb enough to believe it. Now he's the laughing stock of the party.

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The "Only-Hangs-Out-With-You-For-One-Game-A-Year" High School Friend / College Buddy
The Super Bowl is rich with ritual and tradition. Even where and with whom you watch it can be habits that are hard to break. Maybe the Super Bowl is the only time of year you get to hang out with your old college buddy who's always trying to one-up you with his fancy finance job while you're still stuck doing frustratingly unfunny beer write-ups. Here's your trick to pull one over on him this year -- offer him a Dogfish Head 60 Minute IPA. He'll surely call it an "Enjoyable, if somewhat pedestrian craft beer selection," which is when you reply, "Oh, I only save those for the non-discriminating beer drinkers" and whip out a Dogfish Head 120 Minute IPA for yourself. Gotcha!

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The Undercover First Date
Inviting that special girl you've had your eye on to your Super Bowl get-together is a great casual way to sneak in that "undercover first date." She'll never know what hit her. And here's the trick -- when you first see her making a move towards the keg, loudly pronounce, "Oh! You don't want to be drinking swill from the same tap as the rest of these drunken losers!" Then, lead the young lady into the kitchen and say, "This should suit you better. It's my personal stash of Love Stout from Yards Brewing Company." Then give her the most seductive wink of your life. It's a surefire winner.

The Girl Who Only Watches One Game A Year
Let's face it: Any woman who catches only one football game a year probably isn't a fan of testosterone-fueled keg fests. Sure, she might love to drink, and maybe American macro-brews are even her standard suds. But for an event like this, she'll probably just want to distance herself from the whole ordeal. To satiate her ladylike side, make sure to keep some fruity and refreshing lambics on ice; a Lindeman's Framboise will do perfectly. The classy Belgian fruit beer will get her comfy enough to handle any forthcoming football antics, while openly airing her general disdain for such beer-brained ridiculousness in the process.

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What makes a tip-top potato chip? That's a mighty hard call -- especially when you're testing nearly 5 dozen kinds. The good folks from Anchor's Chip of the Month sent spuds from around the country, and our panelists evaluated each for crunch, salt & grease levels, flavor, and overall appeal. Plain, salted chips only were allowed (though we've included a few wild card faves at the end), and while we found good things to say about 58 of the 59 chips we tasted, 15 of 'em made it to the top of the heap. Read on for our chip picks.

#15 BALLREICH'S MARCELLED ORIGINAL / NO SALT ADDED
(Tiffin, OH)
What the heck does "marcelled" mean? In the 1920s, early in Ballreich's history, the marcelled, or waved hairstyle, resembling the chip's surface was all the rage. The coiffure may have gone out of favor, but the chips have remained a local Ohio favorite ever since. While they weren't a hit with everyone, several panelists raved over the satisfying Krispy Kreme-like greasy mouth feel of both the salted and unsalted varieties. It's stand-out sinner in an increasingly health-centric snack market.
Buy these chips at Anchor's Chip of the Month
Did we miss or hit your favorite chip? Shout it out on our blog at Slashfood.

Rachel Been, AOL

#14 TERRA RED BLISS
(Nationally available)
Frankly, several folks couldn't stand these, but plenty of others ranked these intensely thick, skin-on, olive oil cooked chips among their favorites. The stand-out appeal seemed to be in the elemental, natural potato flavor of the Red Bliss -- a distinct departure from the salt and oil-centric taste of the vast majority of our brands. Terra's Yukon Gold variety also ranked highly, but didn't quite make the final cut.
Did we miss or hit your favorite chip? Shout it out on our blog at Slashfood.

Rachel Been, AOL

#13 GOOD'S ORIGINAL
(Pennsylvania)
Good's likely benefitted from our blind testing method (chips were presented on numbered paper plates with bags hidden away), as panelists reading the contents may have shied away upon reading "lard." However, hog fat is exactly what lends gives this chip the rich, sweet flavor and mouth-feel that have made it, and its sister chip, the red bagged Homestyle Good's, cult classics.

Buy these chips at Anchor's Chip of the Month
Did we miss or hit your favorite chip? Shout it out on our blog at Slashfood.

Rachel Been, AOL

#12 WISE RIDGIES
(Berwick, PA)
Ruffles may have ridges, but Wise Ridgies reigned supreme over 'em for our panelists, who ranked these chips higher for their excellent texture, lower salt level, and "character." We dig Ridgies for their picnic appeal and easy availability.

Slashfood blogger Stefani Pollack loves Ruffles, but for a very particular rrrrrreason. Read why at Slashfood.com.

Rachel Been, AOL

#11 DOOR COUNTY KETTLE COOKED ORIGINAL
(Milwaukee, WI)
Our boss crunched one of these and exclaimed, "This is an outstanding chip!" We're willing to admit the man has good taste, but we still put it to our panel, which determined the chip had great taste as well, and that the taste was somewhat reminiscent of a nice, aged cheese. Amusing, considering that Door County is smack dab in cheesehead central -- Wisconsin. The grease factor is a tad high, but the intense crunch and distinctive flavor send these to the head of the herd.
Buy these chips at Anchor's Chip of the Month
Did we miss or hit your favorite chip? Shout it out on our blog at Slashfood.

Rachel Been, AOL

#10 KETTLE CHIPS LIGHTLY SALTED
(Nationally available)
Kettle Chips are another maker of our most beloved flavored chips, but it seems they don't skimp when it comes to cooking up a small batch of the plain ones. Our panelists were quick to cite the lightly burnt quality as "very appealing," "subtle" and "nicely balanced," and ranked the crisp quality as a standout.

Slashfood blogger Marisa McClellan loves Kettle Chips. Read what she has to say.

Rachel Been, AOL

#9 MIKE-SELL'S GROOVY
(Dayton, OH)
Our food editor was pleased to find her childhood favorite in the mix, and even more delighted once she saw how well they fared with the palates of her peers. The rippled chips were among the saltier in the mix, which proved to be a welcome standout amongst the heap of restrainedly seasoned offerings, and the sturdy, crunchable shape earned 'em a slew of "Great!" statements on the score sheets.
Buy these chips at Anchor's Chip of the Month
Did we miss or hit your favorite chip? Shout it out on our blog at Slashfood.

Rachel Been, AOL

#8 LAY'S NATURAL THICK CUT SEA SALTED
(Nationally available)
Very few of the mega-brands cracked the Top 15, but crispy appeal of this Lay's offering was undeniable. Tasters were equally pleased by its simple, subtly salted flavor, evocative of childhood picnics and the chip shape light enough to make it endlessly edible either solo or paired with a lunchtime sandwich.

Slashfood blogger Bob Sassone loves these chips. Read what he has to say.

Rachel Been, AOL

#7 UTZ CLASSIC RUSSETS
(Hanover, PA)
We're unapologetic Utz fans, and while we tend to gravitate toward them more for their flavored varieties (stayed tuned for our flavored chip test in a few weeks), these stood out for their robust, dark, earthy flavor and remarkable crunch. Panelists used plenty of exclamation points, and we took that as a sign of a chip well done.
Buy these chips at Anchor's Chip of the Month
Did we miss or hit your favorite chip? Shout it out on our blog at Slashfood.

Rachel Been, AOL

3 days. 4 editors. 185,000 new food products. 8 favorites each. It's a tough job, but Kat Kinsman and Kristyn Pomranz of AOL Food, Marisa McClellan of Slashfood and Heather Tyree of Epicurious munched their way through the 54th Summer Fancy Food Show* in search of the most mouthwatering edibles on the market. Flip through to find your new craving.

*Don't let the name fool ya -- it's been around since 1955. Some of our faves are just about as "fancy" as Heinz ketchup.

Mari's New York

(Kat's Pick)
DOCKSIDE KEY LIME CAKE
On my, ahem, second trip back to this booth, I heard a story that made me weep into my Key Lime Cake. A regular customer once called to make a special order for a Saturday arrival. The shop made sure he knew that the delivery service added a weekend charge, and he said it didn't matter. This cake was for his dying wife, they'd enjoyed this Florida favorite together for the past 30 years, and by gosh, he was going to get it to her. After sampling an intensely tart, moist and luscious morsel for myself, I can only imagine that she departed this earth one happy, satisfied soul.

Dockside Market

Dockside Market

(Kat's Pick)
TEXAS SASSY PICKLE SAUCE
America, meet your new favorite condiment. Maury and Brenda Smeyne's signature sauce is an artfully balanced blend of slightly sweetened bread and butter-style pickle brine with a kiss of pepper and I haven't found a single darned food on which it doesn't taste amazing. From burgers and bloody marys to cut veggies and plain ol' tortilla chips, the sweet-sour-salty Texas three-step sasses up the flavor of just about anything edible. Yeeee-haaa!

Texas Sassy

Texas Sassy

(Kat's Pick)
FIRECRACKER DARK CHOCOLATE BAR
Snap, crackle, pow! This bar is like a little chocolate powder keg packed with smoky, spicy chipotle pepper, salt and plenty of giggle-inducing popping candy. As the confection is held on the tongue or against the roof of the mouth, the chocolate melts, slowly revealing both heat and an audible, palpable explosion as the candy emerges. It's a multi-sensory extravaganza that's just begging to be shared with a fellow chocolate fiend. Bring on the fireworks!

Chuao Chocolatier

Chuao Chocolatier

(Kat's Pick)
SWEET LEAF CHERRY LIMEADE
Fresh cherry limeade is a drink of which I'm so fond, I served it at my wedding. So, as you might imagine, my bar is set pretty darned high. I was utterly gobsmacked to see Sweet Leaf sail right on over it. Their tart, tangy organic blend is the essence of summer, squeezed and saved in a bottle for enjoyment the whole year 'round. I'm not saying I'll give up making my own in peak cherry season, but it's refreshing to know where I'll be getting my fix come wintertime.

Sweet Leaf Tea

Sweet Leaf Tea

(Kat's Pick)
FAT WITCH BROWNIE MIXES
I'm sometimes hesitant to write about my favorite local perishables, 'cause I figure it's just cruel to taunt folks without easy access to them. The hex has been lifted, though, and soon everyone across the USA will be under the spell of wickedly rich, moist and naturally delicious Fat Witch Brownies, conjured up in their very own kitchen. Head witch Patricia Helding spent two years formulating brownie mixes that would allow home cooks to mimic at home what she's been whipping up to rave reviews in her Chelsea Market bakery since 1991. Though they won't be in stores until August, jump on your broomstick and sign up for advance notice at her website.

Fat Witch Bakery

Fat Witch

(Kat's Pick)
CYPRESS GROVE TRUFFLE TREMOR
Cypress Grove's Humbolt Fog and Purple Haze have long been my go-to party cheeses, but this truffle-studded addition to the herd totally got my goat. A luxurious cake of chevre is shot through with a knee-weakening allotment of earthy truffle, making for a flavor balance that's simultaneously rock solid and earth shattering. They're really not kidding around.

Cypress Grove Chevre

Cypress Grove Chevre

(Kat's Pick)
LITTLE WINGS BUFFALO WINGS CHIPS
It takes a lot for a chip to stand out from the crowd, but this snack is a superstar. From the multi-grained crunch and ear-warming Frank's Red Sauce-based spice to the intriguing creamy blue cheese drizzle, every single flavor and texture element was in perfect harmony. Consider me a groupie.

Rock-n-Roll Gourmet

Rock-n-Roll Gourmet

(Kat's Top Pick)
WHITSON'S MOIST CHILI SEASONING
Sarah Whitson Bourbon's booth was far from the fanciest looking at the food show, but once she lifted the lid from her crock pot, the heady scent of the seasoned meat within was all the décor she needed. Her grandfather developed this soulful, savory blend of spices at his Denton, Texas store in 1932, and while the company has changed hands several times, she's reclaimed and revived it, staying true to his original formulation. I realize that "chili" is in the name, and I've no doubt of their claim that it "makes unsurpassed Frito Pie," but I'm pretty sure it could make my couch, a subway platform or a sweat sock taste delicious if applied in sufficient quantities. It's that darned good.

Whitson Chile Products

Whitson Chile Products

(Kristyn's Pick)
INGLEHOFFER SWEET HOT MUSTARD
Spicy or sweet, sweet or spicy? It's the never ending conundrum faced by a society of die-hard mustard consumers. Sometimes we want the fiery burst of a solid mustard seed, other times we want the crystallized smoothness of sweet, sweet honey. Inglehoffer Sweet Hot Mustard has magically, seamlessly blended the two flavors, and the effect is flooring. The mustard is definitely hot, but the spice is sealed with a kiss of sweet, confounding the brain and delighting the tongue.


Beaverton Foods

Beaverton Foods

by Kat Kinsman
With hundreds of mustards on the market, we had to set some serious parameters for our search. Brands had to be easy to find on national supermarket shelves, free of any fancy flavoring, and cost less than $3.99.

Even with these restrictions, we sampled more than five dozen varieties, and chose runners-up and winners in the categories of yellow, honey, deli/brown, dijon and hot, with one solitary mustard pot reigning supreme. See if your favorite made the cut.

Rachel Been

Runner-up: Yellow
Gulden's Yellow Mustard

French's was a close contender, but the clear, bright tang of this textbook yellow mustard gave it a slight edge. Said one tester, "This is Hot Dog Mustard 101."
Website: ConAgra Foods

Rachel Been

Runner-up: Yellow
Best Yet Mustard

The creamy, sharp kick of Best Yet led more than one tester to evoke its similarity to their favorite cheddar. We're overcome with a sudden, major craving for a hot, soft pretzel upon which to slather it.
Website: Best Yet Market

Rachel Been

Runner-up: Yellow
Plochman's Mild Yellow Mustard

Though possessed of a slightly lighter body than the previous two contenders, Plochman's proves a milder-flavored workhorse of a yellow mustard. On a sandwich or a ballpark dog, it's perfectly pleasing, but unassertive enough to step back and let the other ingredients shine.
Website: Plochman's Mustard

Rachel Been

Winner: Yellow
Annie's Natural Organic Yellow Mustard

In the end, Annie's took home the gold, winning raves for its sturdy, glossy mouthfeel and exquisite blend of simple spices. Asked one tester, "Is it the cloves? It must be the cloves. Do you think it could be the cloves?" We're pretty sure it's the cloves.
Website: Annie's Naturals

Rachel Been

Runner-up: Honey
Hellman's Honey Mustard

We'll admit we were a tad shocked that this one made it to the finals, given its close resemblance to the much maligned Dijonaise. However, this dark horse contender brought something rare to the table -- an honest to gosh burst of real honey flavor that set our tasters all abuzz.
Website: Hellman's

Rachel Been

Runner-up: Honey
Olde Cape Cod Sweet & Hot Honey Mustard

The luxurious heft of honey gives way to a pleasing, crystalline grit against the tongue, easing into a lazy heat that warms all the way into the nasal passages. Said one taster, "Fire in the hive!"
Website: Cains Foods

Rachel Been

Winner: Honey
Billy Bee Original Honey Mustard

It should come as no great surprise that the queen bee in this category would come from a company that knows a thing or ten about the honey biz. Billy Bee is best known for their pure, natural clover honey, and they've paired it perfectly with a creamy, medium-bodied mustard for a blend that would be as at home on a hot pretzel or panini as it would be drizzled over a salad or a fresh slice of ham.
Website: Billy Bee Honey

Rachel Been

Runner-up: Brown/Deli
Kosciusko Spicy Brown Mustard

Roll out the barrel! This tart and tangy meld had tasters aching for a pint of stout and a big ol' bratwurst on which to slather this. It polkas right up to the edge of being a li'l bit too sour, but luckily never quite topples over.
Website: Plochman

Rachel Been

Runner-up: Brown/Deli
Jack Daniel's Old No. 7 Mustard

Just a wee dram of whiskey deepens the flavor of this sumptuously thick, zesty blend. Jack Daniels is known for licensing its name for everything from coffee to nuts -- with varying degrees of success, but our tasters gave solid thumbs up to this use of Old No. 7.
Website: T. Marzetti
Website: T. Marzetti

Rachel Been

by AOL Food Editors
Our team of food editors shook, stirred, popped the top and puckered their way through 70 cartons, bottles, cans and pouches in search of the most thirst-quenching, soul-satisfying brand of store-bought lemonade. In the end, they selected several runners-up and a winner in each of seven categories: plastic bottle, can, juice box or pouch, powder, glass bottle and paper carton, as well as the best pink lemonade and the absolute best and worst overall. Read on for results and see how store brands can sometimes rule.

Rachel Been, AOL

Runner-up: Plastic Bottle
Tropicana Lemonade

Sweetener: High Fructose Corn Syrup
Calories per serving: 100
Tart (1) - Sweet (5): 3
Lemon strength: Medium
Our panel says: "More like lemon soda than lemonade, this was light and refreshing."

Learn more about Tropicana

Rachel Been, AOL

Runner-up: Plastic Bottle
Simply Lemonade

Sweetener: Natural Sugar
Calories per serving: 120
Tart (1) - Sweet (5): 3
Lemon strength: Medium
Our panel says: "It was balanced and non-sticky with a smooth, lime-like finish." "I tend to like the 'Simply' series -- orange juice, limeade, etc. -- and this does not disappoint."

Learn more about Simply

Rachel Been, AOL

Winner: Plastic Bottle:
Citarella Freshly Squeezed Lemonade

Sweetener: Pure Cane Sugar
Calories per serving: N/A
Tart (1) - Sweet (5): 5
Lemon strength: Mild
Our panel says: "With notes of (unadvertised) coconut and lime, this was a tropical dream." "It's like a vacation in a bottle."

Learn more about Citarella Store brand

Rachel Been, AOL

Runner-up: Canned
Country Time Lemonade

Sweetener: High Fructose Corn Syrup
Calories per serving: 140
Tart (1) - Sweet (5): 3
Lemon Strength: Solid
Our panel says: "It's wonderfully bold and lemony, neither too tart or too sweet." "The finish is a little bit sticky, but the flavor makes up for it."

Learn more about Country Time

Rachel Been, AOL

Runner-up: Canned
Arizona Lemonade

Sweetener: High Fructose Corn Syrup
Calories per serving: 110
Tart (1) - Sweet (5): 2
Lemon Strength:
Our panel says: "The flavor is just about perfect -- a wonderful balance of sweet and sour. Only drawback is the slightly sticky mouth feel, but just solve that by ditching the can and serving over ice." "Nicely balanced, assertive, no messing around."

Learn more about Arizona

Rachel Been, AOL

Winner: Canned
San Pellegrino Limonata

Sweetener: Sugar
Calories per serving: 141
Tart (1) - Sweet (5): 2
Lemon Strength: Intense
Our panel says: "This is incredible front-porch lemonade -- if your front porch happens to sport marble columns with ivy growing up them. This is grown-up lemonade that's strong, clear, effervescent and utterly addictive."

Learn more about San Pellegrino

Rachel Been, AOL

Runner-up: Juice Box
Minute Maid Lemonade

Sweetener: High Fructose Corn Syrup
Calories per serving: 90
Tart (1) - Sweet (5): 4
Lemon strength: Medium
Our panel says: "A refreshing small box for when you're on the go" "It wasn't as sweet as I thought it would be -- and that's a good thing."

Learn more about Minute Maid

Rachel Been, AOL

Winner: Juice Box
Hi-C Poppin' Lemonade

Sweetener: High Fructose Corn Syrup
Calories per serving: 100
Tart (1) - Sweet (5): 3
Lemon Strength: Mild
Our panel says: "A crowd shocker, it wasn't as sweet as the majority of juice boxes." "A well balanced drink."

Learn more about Hi-C

Rachel Been, AOL

Runner-up: Powdered
Crystal Light Lemonade

Sweetener: Aspartame
Calories per serving: 5
Tart (1) - Sweet (5): 3
Lemon Strength: Right up front
Our panel says: "This is the rarest of all creatures -- a low-calorie lemonade that doesn't have a nasty aftertaste! The taste that it does have is actually a really nice balance of tart and sweet."

Learn more about Crystal Light

Rachel Been, AOL

We're not coffee snobs, but we're hard pressed to think of a single instance where we'd pick the stir-in stuff over some java that's hot from a freshly-brewed pot. Still, sometimes we need a caffeine fix on the go or in a jiffy, and there's not a bean to be seen.

We chugged our way through more than two dozen different blends so you'll know which brands are worth sipping -- and skipping. Keep clicking to see our reviews from the deepest dregs to the creme de la cafe.

Rachel Been, AOL

Chock Full O'Nuts

Sip or skip? Skip. Skip very, VERY far away.

Pass for brewed? No

Tasting Notes: Wow, what a tease. We were beckoned in by a yummy smell, but the flavor -- ugh. It's cruelly sour with an undertone of rotting veggies and chock full o' yuck.

Rachel Been, AOL

Nescafe Clasico

Sip or skip? Skip

Pass for brewed? Never

Tasting Notes: This barely even passes for instant java, and packs a bitter, chemical afterburn that took forever to get off our tongues. No mas, por favor.

Rachel Been, AOL

Folgers Coffee Singles Classic Roast

Sip or skip? Skip

Pass for brewed? No way

Tasting Notes: It smells okay, but has no flavor whatsover. Sure, the pack's convenient -- if you have an on-the-go hankering for the taste of brown water.

Rachel Been, AOL

Folgers Coffee Singles Classic Decaf

Sip or skip? Skip

Pass for brewed? No

Tasting Notes: No aroma, no flavor, no caffeine -- not a single reason to bother.

Rachel Been, AOL

Rocket Fuel

Sip or skip? Skip

Pass for brewed? As the worst gas station coffee you've ever had

Tasting Notes: It smells like dust, and while it's billed as "rich, dark, powerful coffee," all we're getting is a seismic blast of bitterness.

Rachel Been, AOL

Sanka

Sip or skip? Skip

Pass for brewed? Really bad, burned decaf

Tasting Notes: We're really feeling the burn on this one. The flavor is oddly reminiscent of scorched cheese -- not something we're looking to encounter first thing in the a.m.

Rachel Been, AOL

Brown Gold

Sip or skip? Skip

Pass for brewed? Perhaps for metallic conference room coffee

Tasting Notes: It's got a strange dusty, papery smell and a tinny taste -- is that the "gold" part? And what the heck is an Excelsio bean?

Rachel Been, AOL

Folgers Classic Roast

Sip or skip? Skip

Pass for brewed? No

Tasting Notes: If this odor-free, sour, bitter blend is indeed the best part of waking up, we suggest you just stay tucked in bed.

Rachel Been, AOL

White Rose Original Blend

Sip or skip? Skip

Pass for brewed? Maybe at Homer Simpson's nuclear plant.

Tasting Notes: Savor the taste and aroma of cardboard dunked in hot water? Have we got the brew for you!

Rachel Been, AOL

Our intrepid pack of testers chomped their way through 50 different franks, hot dogs and wieners in hot pursuit of the top tube steak in all the land. Not a single chicken, turkey or tofu dog made the final cut, while beef and pork reigned supreme.

Did your favorite frank lead the pack? Read on.

Nathan Ellis Perkel

20. DIETZ & WATSON NEW YORK BRAND BEEF FRANKS
(All Beef, Natural Casing)

The strong casing caused our panel to snap to attention, and the solid, beefy interior makes this a dandy, workaday dog.

Nathan Ellis Perkel

19. SABRETT SKINLESS BEEF FRANKFURTERS
(All Beef)

Our panelists were split on the subtly peppery aftertaste, but all sang the praises of the juicy, gently salted initial flavor experience.

Nathan Ellis Perkel

18. COLEMAN NATURAL UNCURED BEEF HOT DOGS
(Uncured, All Beef)

All tasters sang the praises of the smoky, bratwurst-like flavor or this firm, un-fancy frank.

Nathan Ellis Perkel

17. HILLSHIRE FARMS LIT'L BEEF FRANKS
(All Beef)

These wee wieners pack a lot of meaty, salty flavor into a bitty bite. The size allows for lots of skin crisping, and our panel deemed 'em a 'perfectly respectable cocktail frank.'

Nathan Ellis Perkel

16. WOLFE'S NECK UNCURED HOT DOGS
(Pork, Beef, Natural Lamb Casing)

Our tasters were in agreement that a pinch more salt would really make this pup pop, but still, the snappy, crunchy skin and juicy inside more than made up for it.

Nathan Ellis Perkel

15. OSCAR MEYER PREMIUM BEEF FRANKS
(All Beef)

On the other hand, this one got a teensy bit too silly with the salt shaker, but still nosed ahead with a distinctive smoky sweetness, and a snappy skin that crisps up beautifully over an open flame.

Nathan Ellis Perkel

14. OSCAR MAYER WIENERS
(Turkey, Chicken, Pork)

This childhood classic holds its own against the fancier franks, earning raves for its spicy, smoky flavor combo and sturdy casing. Oh, Oscar, we are still in love with you.

Nathan Ellis Perkel

13. BALL PARK BEEF FRANKS
(All Beef)

Every single tester waxed wacky over the satisfying juice jolt of this beefy stadium staple. The flavor may not be a grand slam, but it's a solid base hit.

Nathan Ellis Perkel

12. OSCAR MAYER MINI HOT DOGS
(All Beef)

This tiny dog has the heart of a champion, fetching maximum intense flavor per square centimeter. As one panelist suggests, 'Wrap some Pillsbury around these, and you've got a party!'

Nathan Ellis Perkel

Cheese Pizzas - Worst to Best

Ellio's
Our Verdict: Worst Cheese Pizza
Style: Cheese Pizza 16 oz
Cal./Fat g/Fiber g: 320 / 7 / 3
Crust (1-5): 1
Cheese (1-5): 1
Sauce (1-5): 1
Toppings (1-5): n/a
Flavor (1-5): 1
Overall appeal (1-5): 1

Comments: "How is this considered food?" "Not even in the middle of the night." "Looks like brain." "Tastes like dough. Tasteless dough."

Rachel Been, AOL. Shot on location at The Lofts at 45 White Street

Betzio's

Style: Cheese Pan Pizza 24 oz
Cal./Fat g/Fiber g: 175 / 5 / 1
Crust (1-5): 1.25
Cheese (1-5): 1.25
Sauce (1-5): 1
Toppings (1-5): n/a
Flavor (1-5): 1.5
Overall appeal (1-5): 1.5
Comments: Our five-year-old friend Izzy thinks this slice is "Yummy!"; adults were less enthusiastic, calling it "Prison food." Final verdict: "Unbearable."

Rachel Been, AOL. Shot on location at The Lofts at 45 White Street

Lean Cuisine

Style: Deep Dish Margherita 6 oz
Cal./Fat g/Fiber g: 320 / 9 / 4 Microwave Only
Crust (1-5): 1
Cheese (1-5): 1
Sauce (1-5): 2
Toppings (1-5): 2
Flavor (1-5): 1.5
Overall appeal (1-5): 2
Comments: A microwave mess: "Just awful." "This should not be mass-produced."

Rachel Been, AOL. Shot on location at The Lofts at 45 White Street

Jenos Crisp & Tasty

Our Verdict: Highest Calorie Cheese Pizza
Style: Cheese 6.9 oz
Cal./Fat g/Fiber g: 440 / 20 / 1
Crust (1-5): 2
Cheese (1-5): 2
Sauce (1-5): 2
Toppings (1-5): n/a
Flavor (1-5): 2
Overall appeal (1-5): 2
Comments: "Not awful tasting, just has zero taste."

Rachel Been, AOL. Shot on location at The Lofts at 45 White Street

Tony's

Style: Original Crust Cheese Pizza 15.10 oz
Cal./Fat g/Fiber g: 360 / 15 / 2
Crust (1-5): 2
Cheese (1-5): 1.5
Sauce (1-5): 2.5
Toppings (1-5): n/a
Flavor (1-5): 1.5
Overall appeal (1-5): 2
Comments: "Sauce is not bad," was the highest praise we could muster. Otherwise, tasters "did not like the cheese at all." Also, "crust tastes too doughy."

Rachel Been, AOL. Shot on location at The Lofts at 45 White Street

DiGiorno

Our Verdict: Biggest Letdown
Style: Rising Crust 4 Cheese 28.2 oz
Cal./Fat g/Fiber g: 320 / 11 / 2
Crust (1-5): 3.5
Cheese (1-5): 1
Sauce (1-5): 1
Toppings (1-5): 1
Flavor (1-5): 1.5
Overall appeal (1-5): 2
Comments: "Looks amazing, but tastes like plastic." "Tastes weirdly artificial."

Rachel Been, AOL. Shot on location at The Lofts at 45 White Street

Stouffer's French Bread Cheese

Style: 10 3/8 oz
Cal./Fat g/Fiber g: 360 /15 / 4
Crust (1-5): 3
Cheese (1-5): 2.5
Sauce (1-5): 3
Toppings (1-5): n/a
Flavor (1-5): 2.5
Overall appeal (1-5): 3
Comments: "Not good. Not bad. Just frozen."

Rachel Been, AOL. Shot on location at The Lofts at 45 White Street

Tombstone

Our Verdict: Middle of the Road (Which Is Just Fine With Us)
Style: Original Extra Cheese 20.5 oz
Cal./Fat g/Fiber g: 350 / 15 / 4
Crust (1-5): 2.5
Cheese (1-5): 3
Sauce (1-5): 3
Toppings (1-5): n/a
Flavor (1-5): 3
Overall appeal (1-5): 2.5
Comments: "Tastes exactly how you'd think frozen pizza should taste." "Most average pizza ever, which is not really a bad thing." "Cheese is its strong point."

Rachel Been, AOL. Shot on location at The Lofts at 45 White Street

Red Baron

Style: Singles French Bread 5 Cheese & Garlic 8.8 oz
Cal./Fat g/Fiber g: 410 / 22 / 2
Crust (1-5): 4.5
Cheese (1-5): 4
Sauce (1-5): n/a
Toppings (1-5): n/a
Flavor (1-5): 3.75
Overall appeal (1-5): 4
Comments: "Love the garlic, but it's a little too salty." "Too salty." "Tastes artificial and cheap. Made me feel dirty inside."

Rachel Been, AOL. Shot on location at The Lofts at 45 White Street

Red Baron

Our Verdict: Great for Late Night Munching
Style: Singles Thin & Crispy 4 Cheese 7.2 oz
Cal./Fat g/Fiber g: 300 / 14 / 1
Crust (1-5): 2
Cheese (1-5): 3
Sauce (1-5): 3
Toppings (1-5): n/a
Flavor (1-5): 3.5
Overall appeal (1-5): 3.5
Comments: "Do you think I could grab that whole thing before anyone else gets to it?" "That's just how I remember it tasting, and that's a good thing."

Rachel Been, AOL. Shot on location at The Lofts at 45 White Street

by Kat Kinsman
Nothing's sweeter than giving V-Day chocolate to a loved one, but don't you wonder what's gonna be under the lid? Our panel popped the tops off 22 heart-shaped boxes from $.99 drugstore counter specials to $55 chi-chi boutique bon-bons so you can help guide Cupid's arrow straight to your beloved's sweet spot. In ascending price order... (read on)

Rachel Been for AOL

Producer: Elmer

Verdict: DEFINITELY NOT
Style: Small cardboard heart box
Contents: 4 chocolates
Weight: 2.4 oz
Price: $.99
Website:elmercandy.com
Note: Every single person spat theirs out.
Our panel said: "Bleeeaaaauuugggh!" "Awful - plastic-like." "Way, way too sugary. I could almost taste the granules."

Rachel Been for AOL

Producer: Russell Stover

Verdict: GOOFY & SWEET
Style: Looney Toons Mini-box
Contents: 3 chocolates
Weight: 1.75 oz
Price: $1.29
Website: russellstover.com
Note: It's also available with a Bugs Bunny or the Tasmanian Devil design.
Our panel said: "Totally darling!" "I'd be so excited to get this." "Great for giving out at school."

Rachel Been for AOL

Producer: Gillham & Grand

Verdict: CUTE & FUN
Style: Novelty tin with "kiss / hug / tickle" spinner
Contents: 3 chocolates
Weight: 1.5 oz
Price: $3
Website: hallmark.com
Note: Gillham & Grand is made by Fannie May exclusively for Hallmark Gold Crown Stores.
Our panel said: "Very cute! You could give this to anyone." "Fun!"

Rachel Been for AOL

Producer: Russell Stover

Verdict: WEIRD CONCEPT, DECENT CHOCOLATE
Style: XOXO Just For Him cardboard heart
Contents: 6 assorted chocolates
Weight: 3.5 oz
Price: $2.99
Website: russellstover.com
Note: More deluxe editions come in metal, tire-tread embossed tins.
Our panel said: "Why is this for men in particular? Are they beef and sweat flavored or something?""Pretty standard, but yummy."

Rachel Been for AOL

Producer: Russell Stover

Verdict: HORRIBLE
Style: Foil-wrapped cardboard heart
Contents: 7 assorted sugar-free creams, chews and crisps
Weight: 4 oz
Price: $4.99
Website: russellstover.com
Note: A sugar-free pecan candy assortment is also available.
Our panel said: "Tastes like a tire. Rubbery." "If your sweetie is diabetic, just get them flowers or something instead."

Rachel Been for AOL

Producer: Russell Stover

Verdict: HIT OR MISS
Style: Foil-wrapped cardboard heart
Contents: 13 assorted creams, chews and nuts
Weight: 7 oz
Price: $4.99
Website: russellstover.com
Note: This is the #2 best selling heart-shaped box assortment in the US. The 1 lb selection is #1.
Our panel said: "Seems a little old-fashioned. Not that there's anything wrong with that." "It really depends on which pieces you get. Some are great and some are kind of nasty." "Not for me, but my Mom would love this."

Rachel Been for AOL

Producer: Reese's

Verdict: CAN'T GO WRONG
Style: Cardboard heart
Contents: 30 miniature Reese's peanut butter cups
Weight: 8 oz
Price: $4.99
Website: reeses.com
Our panel said: "You know exactly what you're getting, and it's GOOD!" "You can never go wrong with Reese's, even if the package design is cheap." "The taste is classic goodness. I'd be thrilled to get this. As muchas I'd like to be high-end, I can't escape my love for Reese's."

Rachel Been for AOL

Producer: Hershey's

Verdict: GOOD, BUT GO WITH THE REESE'S
Style: Cardboard heart
Contents: 54 Hershey's Kisses
Weight: 8 oz
Price: $4.99
Website: hersheys.com
Our panel said: "Who doesn't love to get Kisses?" "Cute & romantic." "I love this, but it seems a little plain." "It's nice knowing just what you're getting."

Rachel Been for AOL

Producer: Godiva

Verdict: OKAY IN A PINCH
Style: Miniature heart gift box
Contents: 6 foil-wrapped milk chocolate hearts
Weight: 1.1 oz
Price: $5
Website: godiva.com
Our panel said: "Cute, but not impressive." "Good valentine for the teacher."

Rachel Been for AOL

While we love the idea of always having a freshly-brewed pitcher in the fridge, we're often on the go and have to make a grab from the deli cooler. All summer long, our editors will be sampling bottled, canned and fast-food iced teas to let you know which ones are worth chugging, and which you should leaf behind.
Lipton Pure Leaf Black Tea with Lemon
Grade: B-
Tea purists will blanch at the extreme lemony sweetness, but those weaned on the powdered stuff will happily sip their way down memory lane. The flavor is remarkably strong and tangy with a lingering apple juice finish that's not so much refreshing as it is simply satisfying.
Did we miss your favorite brew? Let us know on our blog at Slashfood.

Rachel Been, AOL

Stewart's Unsweetened Tea Refresher
Grade: F
We're all for utterly unadulterated, unfancy iced tea, but this harsh brew tastes like squeezings from bags left to moulder at the bottom of a pot. We sipped, swished with water, sipped again, spat it out, re-swished and ran off to brush our teeth repeatedly, and still the bitter, metallic tang that had set up camp at the backs of our tongues refused to depart quietly. We're seriously considering mouth-ectomies.
Did we miss your favorite brew? Let us know on our blog at Slashfood.

Rachel Been, AOL

Joe Tea Lemon Half and Half
Grade: A
Call it an Arnold Palmer. Call it a half & half. Just don't forget to call us when Joe's coming over. While other brands attempt to pass off over-lemoned iced tea, Joe knows that the ultimate blend begins with equal parts of high quality, full-flavored iced tea and lightly tart lemonade. The finish is nothing short of sweet 'n sour sunshine in a bottle.
Did we miss your favorite brew? Let us know on our blog at Slashfood.

Rachel Been, AOL

Arizona Iced Tea with Lemon Flavor
Grade: B-
Remember when you were fifteen and you'd hit up the convenience store for a post-practice drink? This is that iced tea, in all its tawdry glory. $.99 affords a tall 23 ounces of super-sweet, lemon-tinged black tea, and though the corn syrup sweetener gums up in the back of the throat, hey, it'll go great with that Twinkie.
Did we miss your favorite brew? Let us know on our blog at Slashfood.

Rachel Been, AOL

Arizona Southern Style Sweet Tea
Grade: B-
Had this just been touted to us as a plain ol' sweetened tea, we'd pleased, even if not especially impressed. Problem is, it's billed as Southern-style sweet tea, which is a different critter entirely. Real sweet tea delivers a smooth, mellow slug of plain white sugary deliciousness to the whole palate, while this brew brings a weirdly artificial, cloying sweetness that sits just on top of the tongue. Hold out for the real deal.
Did we miss your favorite brew? Let us know on our blog at Slashfood.
Did we miss your favorite brew? Let us know on our blog at Slashfood.

Rachel Been, AOL

McDonald's Sweet Tea
Grade: A
We're pretty sure we'll catch heck from our Southern in-laws, but we just have to go ahead and say it -- Mickey D's Sweet Tea is every drop as delicious as the gallons we've slurped down at Lexington BBQ, the High Point Country Club or any given K&W Cafeteria in the North Carolina Triad. That is to say it's an ideal balance of tooth-cracking sweetness, mellow orange pekoe and gentle brain freeze, both smooth enough to sip all day and intensely sugary enough to ensure that it's a physical impossibility to do so.

It's most definitely sweet tea, rather than sweetened iced tea, so folks not familiar with this culinary signature of the South might want to just dip a toe in before they fully commit. At $.99 for a giant jug, it's a worthy experiment.

Also - purists, take note -- it's often served with a slice of lemon already tossed in, so speak up if you wish to avoid that.
Did we miss your favorite brew? Let us know on our blog at Slashfood.

Rachel Been, AOL

Sobe Green Tea
Grade: D
Y'know what this doesn't taste like? Green tea. In fact, it tastes like watered-down white grape juice that someone spiked with mystery herbal infusion. Or a lime Saf-T-Pop that spent too much time on the doctor's desk. The very idea that Sobe markets this as green tea is downright lizardbrained.

Did we miss your favorite brew? Let us know on our blog at Slashfood.

Rachel Been, AOL

Arizona Blueberry White Tea
Grade: B
Hello, fruity! This iced tea finds blueberry out in full force with some well-dressed pear on its arm. Though sweet, the tea isn't sugary, instead delivering its nectar au natural. The organic sweetness melds nicely with the earthiness of the tea, resulting in a summery swig that's the perfect antidote for a dog day afternoon.
Did we miss your favorite brew? Let us know on our blog at Slashfood.

Rachel Been, AOL

Teany Green Tea with Ginseng
Grade: C+
While we're big fans of musician Moby's New York City tearoom and plenty of of his other bottled offerings, this one falls a little flat. It's not actively awful, by any means, but for a brew with all natural, health-friendly ingredients, the flavor has odd notes of artificial sweetener and feel slightly medicinal. We're all for reaping the body benefits. We just wish it didn't have to taste that way.
Did we miss your favorite brew? Let us know on our blog at Slashfood.

Rachel Been, AOL

Ito En Japanese Green Tea
Grade: B+
This one's got a light, tannic body, with straightforward fresh, unsweetened green tea flavor that the can claims is a result of its having been "Produced with our state-of-the-art T-N (Tea & Natural) Blow technology." Further research reveals it as a technique that removes air from the can just before sealing, so as to prevent oxidation and ensure freshness. It works.

There's no weird or wow factor, but it's definitely more "healthy" feeling than either soda, or some of the other sweetened bottled tea offerings. It pairs well with sushi, sashimi and green salads.
Did we miss your favorite brew? Let us know on our blog at Slashfood.

Rachel Been, AOL