Truer words were never spoken - especially not if you're an amateur about to enter a Jalapeño-eating contest sponsored by the International Federation of Competitive eating, pitting yourself against professional gurgitators. The contest was held on Sunday at the State Fair of Texas and included 6 amateurs against pros Rich LeFevre, Sonya Thomas, Pat Bertoletti and Erik Denmark. Jalapeños are a particularly difficult food to eat because, although they are small, they can be quite painful. Some eaters reported a loss of feeling in their faces and a general dizziness, in addition to sickness, after the competition was over. The pros used some tricks that they picked up on the circuit, including drinking Pepto Bismol before the competition and using milk, rather than water, to dull the burn of the peppers' oils. Unsurprisingly, the well-prepared pros came out on top:

• First place: Rich "The Locust" LeFevre, 247 jalapeños
• Second: Sonya "The Black Widow" Thomas, 239
• Third: Pat "Deep Dish" Bertoletti, 226

For comparison, the amateurs seemed to average around 50 or so.

Sonya Thomas, a.k.a. "the Black Widow," has just set a new record in her chosen sport of competitive eating. Yesterday, at a competition during the 16th Annual Virginia State Harley Davidson Owners Group Rally, Thomas ate 60 ham biscuits in 8 minutes, beating out 11 other competitors.

A ham biscuit is a simple, popular Southern snack that consists of a fluffy biscuit, split in half, and filled with ham and butter. The biscuits used in the competition look more like hamburger buns than real Southern biscuits, but that might have made them easier to eat, since the "gurgitators" dunk them in water to soften them up and make chewing easier.

Sonya has another trick to help her get the food down, which is hopping up and down during the final moments of the competition. You can read her account on her website.

What would you do for $8000? I'd probably eat a bug, maybe not bathe for a week. But there's a difference between the things you would do for money and the things you actually can do.

Sonya Thomas ate 26 grilled cheese sandwiches Wednesday at Planet Hollywood in New York during The World Grilled Cheese Eating Championship. Yes, there is such a thing. 

She weighed 100 lbs at the start of the contest, and after eating 52 slices of bread filled with gooey cheese, she must have doubled her weight. The runner-up ate 25 1/2 sandwiches. Imagine eating that many sandwiches and coming in second.