"First let me introduce myself. I'm Craig Claiborne, and this is Julia Child." Photo: Scanned from A Feast Made for Laughter

"And to tell the truth, I was bored with restaurant criticism. At times I didn't give a damn if all the restaurants in Manhattan were shoved into the East River and perished. Had they all served nightingale tongues on toast and heavenly manna and mead, there is just so much that the tongue can savor, so much that the human body (and spirit) can accept, and then it resists. Toward the end of my days as restaurant critic, I found myself increasingly indulging in drink, the better to endure another evening of dining out. I had become a desperate man with a frustrating job to perform." -- from 'A Feast Made for Laughter' by Craig Claiborne, New York Times Dining editor and restaurant critic, 1982

A mystery diner is basically a restaurant critic that doesn't get published. Instead, his or her writeups on the dining experience go back to the restaurant, or the company that owns the restaurant, just to give them feedback on how things are running. The diners don't just look at the food, unlike regular critics (or bloggers who like to report back on their meals!). They have to keep track of the timing of the service, the greetings, the decor and whether the coffee was hot enough throughout their visit. A restaurant can be dinged if the hostess doesn't smile or if the busboy clears the plates the second you pick up your last forkful of food. The restaurant's management will use the information to make changes in layout, service strategy or at any other weak points that are picked out

Although it sounds like it would be a job only for the most detail-oriented diners, it is a way for food-lovers to get free meals, since the payment is compensation for the meal. A typical dinner might include two drinks, one appetizer, two entrees and one dessert, since the diners are not expected to dine alone. One of the companies that provides the service is called www.theeyespy.com, but there are others that operate all over the country, as well. The only downside is that, because of confidentiality agreements, diners aren't supposed to share their opinions with anyone else, even friends and family.

Last week, we got to know our very own Josh Ozersky through A Hamburger Today's interview series called "Grilled." This week, the burger boys have gotten a few words from New York Times dining critic Frank Bruni. He may be the dining critic, but it can't be about sushi on the sly and Joel Robuchon all the time. Sometimes a man just needs to eat a good burger (though Bruni does say that the second to last burger he ate was a pair of tiny beef and fois gras burgers at L'Atelier de Joël Robuchon. Some choice quotes from the interview:

• On which is his favorite fast food burger: "the Hardee's Thickburger"
• "the Peter Luger burger, served only at lunch, didn't do it for me"
• On avocado as a topping: "I don't want it crowding my wondrous, gorgeous, sexy burger."

Michael Bauer posted a very interesting story from a reader on his SF Chronicle blog, Between Meals. The gist of it is that, on Mother's Day, the reader and his family showed up at a restaurant, arriving at the time of their reservation, to find that their table (and name) had been taken by another, already seated, party. The manager must not have believed that this family had actually placed the original reservation because, instead of offering to seat the displaced patrons as soon as possible, offering them free drinks in compensation, or even double-checking the cell phone number on the reservation, he said "you need to wait until a vacancy occurs in the reservation list. As it is Mother's Day, and we have only so many tables available, it may be an hour or so."