"messages" news and stories

If you're a fan of GroceryLists.org, have a look at WeirdFortuneCookies.com. Unlike the fortune cookie messages written by Penn and Teller ("That lump is cancer"), these are all supposedly real. The collection isn't huge, but it appears that its curator has been at it sporadically since 2000. The one above is one of my favorites so far, along with "A woman who seeks to be equal with men, lacks ambition. Don't touch that," and "Confucius say: you have heart as big as Texas." Oddly enough, the "in bed" rule still seems to work.

Now, if you wanted to get your cynical Valentine's message across in some sugar-laden form, you could do like Sarah Gim and pipe your witty messages onto homemade cookies. Or, if you're lazy but still feeling acerbic, there are Bittersweets, conversation heart candies with messages like "call a 900#," "he has a job," or "prenup ok?" There are two different themes: "dejected" and "disfunctional," each of  which has dozens of sayings. A few other gems: "C that door?" "settle 4 less" and "table for 1." Each six-ounce box is about 10 bucks.

As part of their new Fresh Resolutions program, Subway will offer customers daily phone messages from their spokesman Jared Fogle. Yep, the man with the big pants will drop pre-recorded inspirational gems onto your phone at the time of your choosing for the month of January. Actually, customers just specify if they need more encouragement in the morning, afternoon or both. There will also be drawings of random dieters who'll receive live calls from Jared. According to a recent AP article, messages will include things like "don't let things at work get you down." Apparently Subway is also offering a free nutrition advice hotline for the rest of this week, as well.