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"Dear Mr. Clooney," begins the PETA letter. "We have been offered some of your perspiration, apparently taken from a towel at a gym in Washington, D.C...this prospect has given us an interesting idea...The technology actually exists to take your perspiration and make it into George Clooney-flavored tofu (CloFu)...CloFu will help people be more healthy and environmentally friendly and will spare animals from being killed for the table...The science is pretty straightforward...if you use a sample of human perspiration, it is 'no different than making artificial chicken flavor for instant gravy.'"

I'm pretty sure PETA's kidding about this one, a mere publicity stunt to promote tofu while showing us that "chicken flavoring" is just as gross and weird as "human flavoring." Right? Right?

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Sure, the fast food industry has recently spurred non-fiction books, documentaries and plenty of investigative journalism, but fan fiction? In a similar vein to the LiveJournal community of McDonald's employees, here's an LJ community composed solely of fan fiction based around the McGriddle breakfast sandwich. Really. There's some sci-fi, some suspense, even McGriddle haiku and jokes. For instance: "Q: What do you get when you line up 8 McGriddle Breakfast Sandwiches in a row? A: MMMMMMMM!" I also particularly enjoyed the short story involving the Hamburgler reflecting on his past while "Lying in his cell, doing a "dollar value menu" upstate."

I have always wondered why people have problems saying the drink names at Starbucks. I'm not just speaking about the sizes, Tall, Grande and Venti, either. I'm talking about words like "latte." I notice men actually mispronounce the words on purpose. They will plaster a big grin on their face and, sarcastically, say something like "I'll have a 'grand kap-po-see-no.'" I kid you not - and when you come into a Starbucks every single morning, you will learn, at some point, the proper pronunciation of the names. How hard is it to say 'grahn-day,' really.

I generally chalked it up to some sort of testosterone-based insecurity because women almost never do this; the fear of saying a word incorrectly by chance was so great that these men preferred to grossly mispronounce the words on purpose. The question is: why be insecure?