"franks" news and stories

Our intrepid pack of testers blind-chomped their way through fifty different franks, hot dogs and wieners in hot pursuit of the top tube steak in all the land. Not a single chicken, turkey or tofu dog made the final cut, while beef and pork reigned supreme. Did your favorite frank lead the pack?

Hot Dog Taste Test

Now that grilling season is here, I'd thought I'd tell you about a unique piece of hot-dog paraphernalia I came across the other day. Not satisfied with the capacity of one company's weenie roaster that's frankly quite phallic, blogger bbum had them create a macabre device that can roast several dogs at a time.

Even though it looks more like the Punisher, this device was modeled after horror writer H.P. Lovecraft's Cthulhu, a tentacled undersea demigod worshipped by cults and feared by mortal men. I wonder whether cooking seafood sausages on this contraption would incur some form of primeval wrath. [via Boing Boing]

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The New England Patriots have started their own line of meats. Along with "Academy Award winner Rob Schneider," that's a line I never thought I'd see in print.

The football team is going to start selling their own meat products at Gillette Stadium this upcoming season, which starts in a few weeks. Not only hot dogs, but also bratwurst and sausages too. The foods will have cute names like "Patriots First Down Beef Frank" and "Patriots Sack Attack Mild Sausage." Of course, those two names make no sense whatsoever, either in food or football terms. One of the names that was turned down was "Patriots Pigskinz," and I think that's the best name in the bunch.

What, no Brady Brats? No Seymour Sausage? Come on!

I like my hamburger and hot dog buns to be lightly toasted when possible. Usually, I will simply open them up and toss them onto the grill while the dogs cook. If I'm not grilling, I just eat the buns plain. I have never put a hot dog bun into the microwave to attempt to achieve a "bakery-fresh" texture and, even if I did so, I would certainly not put the hot dog in the bun before microwaving it. In my experience, microwaving does nothing to improve the texture of bread and having an unheated hot dog in it would help even less.

As such, I fail to see the appeal of Oscar Meyer's newest product: Fast Franks. Three hot dogs are packaged in buns and, when you're read to eat, you just put the whole thing in the microwave. Oscar Meyer says that Fast Franks are "mouthwatering to imagine." I'm imagining, and I have to disagree. 

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