"etiquette" news and stories

Wednesday's episode of the New York City public radio show Soundcheck examined the cacophonous issue of music in restaurants -- which is certainly not a local issue.

Open kitchens and lively bar scenes increasingly come with a soundtrack, but what's music to one diner's ears is cause for another's indigestion. Restaurateurs argue that music plays a crucial role in defining an eatery's image: A shared plate of oysters is that much more romantic when accompanied by Nina Simone's velvet vocal stylings, while a late-night hamburger date might be enhanced by the moral motif of Kelly Clarkson's "I Do Not Hook Up."

But when does a restaurant's choice of tunes cross that delicate line between agreeable background noise and ear-bleeding annoyance? Is a little music always preferable to dead silence (punctuated only by the sounds of chewing and murmured conversation)? Does a restaurant's choice of music influence your decision to eat there? Or is it less the choice than the decibel level that shapes your experience? And, most importantly, who do you want to provide the soundtrack for that late-night burger?

Our wonderful (and similarly food-frenzied) friends at Chow asked a question today that may have some folks bristling: Is it ever OK to ogle a stranger's meal at a restaurant and ask what she's eating?

Etiquette writer Helena Echlin posits that "though it's OK to look, staring at people while they're eating makes them uncomfortable. If you need help identifying a dish, ask the server (avoid pointing if you can). Don't ask the person eating it." She notes an exception in the case of ridiculously close tables -- common in places like New York City and San Francisco -- in which case it would be absurdly formal to summon a waiter. Echlin interviews a restaurant expert who declares he "would never cross the imaginary wall" between tables.

In a crowded eatery with tiny two-tops, it's true that an "imaginary wall" can feel especially important. When a noisy couple are inches away, your demure chatter about the weather quickly turns into an extended dance remix with their loud argument about his mother-in-law.

[Via Chow]

Read more and take the poll after the jump.

With entertaining and often addictive websites, such as YouTube, it has become common to find computers at the dinner table. It seems that over the past few years, dinners with friends have involved gathering around and looking at videos online. The computer is clearly changing social dynamics around the dinner table. A few weekends ago, while eating at a friend's house, my friend commented that she would not mind if she never saw a computer at the dinner table again. I wondered: is it poor etiquette to bring a laptop to dinner?

Is there something inherently wrong about a group of friends using a laptop as a means of socializing during dinner? To me, it seems like the problem would start once the socializing ceased to exist. Two people eating dinner and doing work on two separate laptops is obviously antisocial. Sending text messages and emails on a cellphone prevents us from enjoying the moment. And, enjoying a YouTube video with friends is not much different than watching television instead of conversing about the day.

Does a laptop, like television, function as a source of distraction? Does it disconnect us from each other and prohibit us from taking pleasure in our food and natural environment?

Have laptops infiltrated your social life at the dinner table? If so, do you think it's a bad thing?

I just came across a new blog (for me) called What Japan Thinks. As I am a lover of all things Japanese, this could be an invaluable resource. Of particular interest to me, on this visit to the blog, was an article on chop stick etiquette.

The blog post is really a vehicle to share the opinions offered in two surveys about using chop sticks. One deals with bad habits that you can't break, and the other is about bad habits that you can't help but notice other people doing.

I thought I was sure to have bad chop stick etiquette, as I have never had any pointers from anyone beyond the very basics of how to use them, but I actually did pretty well based on the habits mentioned in the two surveys. I am really bad about laying the utensils across the top of the plate, but I definitely don't stick them straight up in a bowl of rice. Check it out, and see how your chop stick manners compare.

The fork, once known as a split spoon, is a vital eating utensil for just about everyone these days. The implement originated sometime during the early Middle Ages, caught on in Italy in the 11th century and gradually spread across Europe, heading first to France and then to Spain, over the next few centuries.

When they first came into use, it was considered very rude to eat from them and spoons, knives and fingers were the implements of choice for most diners. These days, there are few foods that cannot be eaten with the aid of a fork and it would be considered quite rude to resort to using fingers in most dining situations. Culinary etiquette experts offer a few pearls of wisdom on what foods are appropriate to eat with your hands (just in case one of these experts happens to show up the next time you're having a meal out).The foods you can eat by hand are:

• Bread: break slices of bread, rolls and muffins in half or into small pieces by hand before buttering.
• Bacon: the crispy American style can be picked up and eaten. The more ham-like Canadian bacon should be cut.
• Finger foods/meals: Follow the cue of your host. If finger meals are offered on a platter, place them on your plate before putting them into your mouth. Make sure a napkin is nearby.
• Foods that are meant to be eaten by hand include: corn on the cob, ribs, lobster, clams and oysters, chicken wings, sandwiches, certain fruits, olives, celery, dry cakes and cookies.

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