Wednesday's episode of the New York City public radio show Soundcheck examined the cacophonous issue of music in restaurants -- which is certainly not a local issue.
Open kitchens and lively bar scenes increasingly come with a soundtrack, but what's music to one diner's ears is cause for another's indigestion. Restaurateurs argue that music plays a crucial role in defining an eatery's image: A shared plate of oysters is that much more romantic when accompanied by Nina Simone's velvet vocal stylings, while a late-night hamburger date might be enhanced by the moral motif of Kelly Clarkson's "I Do Not Hook Up."
But when does a restaurant's choice of tunes cross that delicate line between agreeable background noise and ear-bleeding annoyance? Is a little music always preferable to dead silence (punctuated only by the sounds of chewing and murmured conversation)? Does a restaurant's choice of music influence your decision to eat there? Or is it less the choice than the decibel level that shapes your experience? And, most importantly, who do you want to provide the soundtrack for that late-night burger?
Our wonderful (and similarly food-frenzied) friends at Chow asked a question today that may have some folks bristling: Is it ever OK to ogle a stranger's meal at a restaurant and ask what she's eating?
Etiquette writer Helena Echlin posits that "though it's OK to look, staring at people while they're eating makes them uncomfortable. If you need help identifying a dish, ask the server (avoid pointing if you can). Don't ask the person eating it." She notes an exception in the case of ridiculously close tables -- common in places like New York City and San Francisco -- in which case it would be absurdly formal to summon a waiter. Echlin interviews a restaurant expert who declares he "would never cross the imaginary wall" between tables.
In a crowded eatery with tiny two-tops, it's true that an "imaginary wall" can feel especially important. When a noisy couple are inches away, your demure chatter about the weather quickly turns into an extended dance remix with their loud argument about his mother-in-law.
With entertaining and often addictive websites, such as YouTube, it has become common to find computers at the dinner table. It seems that over the past few years, dinners with friends have involved gathering around and looking at videos online. The computer is clearly changing social dynamics around the dinner table. A few weekends ago, while eating at a friend's house, my friend commented that she would not mind if she never saw a computer at the dinner table again. I wondered: is it poor etiquette to bring a laptop to dinner?
Is there something inherently wrong about a group of friends using a laptop as a means of socializing during dinner? To me, it seems like the problem would start once the socializing ceased to exist. Two people eating dinner and doing work on two separate laptops is obviously antisocial. Sending text messages and emails on a cellphone prevents us from enjoying the moment. And, enjoying a YouTube video with friends is not much different than watching television instead of conversing about the day.
Does a laptop, like television, function as a source of distraction? Does it disconnect us from each other and prohibit us from taking pleasure in our food and natural environment?
Have laptops infiltrated your social life at the dinner table? If so, do you think it's a bad thing?
I just came across a new blog (for me) called What Japan Thinks. As I am a lover of all things Japanese, this could be an invaluable resource. Of particular interest to me, on this visit to the blog, was an article on chop stick etiquette.
The blog post is really a vehicle to share the opinions offered in two surveys about using chop sticks. One deals with bad habits that you can't break, and the other is about bad habits that you can't help but notice other people doing.
I thought I was sure to have bad chop stick etiquette, as I have never had any pointers from anyone beyond the very basics of how to use them, but I actually did pretty well based on the habits mentioned in the two surveys. I am really bad about laying the utensils across the top of the plate, but I definitely don't stick them straight up in a bowl of rice. Check it out, and see how your chop stick manners compare.
The fork, once known as a split spoon, is a vital eating utensil for just about everyone these days. The implement originated sometime during the early Middle Ages, caught on in Italy in the 11th century and gradually spread across Europe, heading first to France and then to Spain, over the next few centuries.
When they first came into use, it was considered very rude to eat from them and spoons, knives and fingers were the implements of choice for most diners. These days, there are few foods that cannot be eaten with the aid of a fork and it would be considered quite rude to resort to using fingers in most dining situations. Culinary etiquette experts offer a few pearls of wisdom on what foods are appropriate to eat with your hands (just in case one of these experts happens to show up the next time you're having a meal out).The foods you can eat by hand are:
Bread: break slices of bread, rolls and muffins in half or into small pieces by hand before buttering.
Bacon: the crispy American style can be picked up and eaten. The more ham-like Canadian bacon should be cut.
Finger foods/meals: Follow the cue of your host. If finger meals are offered on a platter, place them on your plate before putting them into your mouth. Make sure a napkin is nearby.
Foods that are meant to be eaten by hand include: corn on the cob, ribs, lobster, clams and oysters, chicken wings, sandwiches, certain fruits, olives, celery, dry cakes and cookies.
Several weeks ago, we looked at table etiquette when dining out -- but from the perspective of the server. We asked, "When should a server clear away plates from the table?" The opinions from our reader were about even.
The discussion has prompted another question, this time from the perspective of the diner. When should you start eating? If orders arrive to the table from the restaurant kitchen at different times, should diners go ahead and start when they receive their food, or wait until the entire table is served?
I think the common belief of "proper and polite" is to wait until everyone at the table has been served. However, it is becoming increasingly popular to "go ahead and start" even before others have been served. Diners who are still waiting for their food feel bad that food might get cold.
What do you do? Do you find it rude if others start eating before you have been served? If you're the first one served, do you feel impolite if you start eating?
The Chicago Tribune brought up an interesting question this week: when should a server clear your plate from the table? Should a server remove plates as a diner finishes them, regardless of whether dining companions are finished? Or should the server wait until the end, when everyone has finished, and clear the entire table at once?
Some people belong to the "Clear at the End" camp, thinking it rude. It disrupts the conversation at the table, and may make fellow diners who have not finished eating, feel rushed.
Other people belong to the "Clear as You Go" camp, and according to Emily Post, this is a newer practice. The argument is that clearing plates keeps the dining table less cluttered, and in fact, many diners see this as attentive service on the part of the waitstaff. Additionally, I know that some people like to have plates of unfinished food removed because they don't want to continue to pick at it.
Every so often - by which I mean frequently - a thread (or three) comes up at Chowhound about tipping. Since Chowhound is a community of people who not only love food, but love to eat out in restaurants, the debates can get pretty heated. Though some feel that the new minimum tip should be 20%, the standard tip is about 15% of the check. Since most places have a significantly lowered minimum wage for tipped employees, tips are not bonuses, but a substantial part of the income of servers.
Tipping philosophies vary widely with age, life experiences and even personality. Some people tip the same percentage - no matter what. Others take into consideration every aspect of the service, as though they have a formula that deducts or adds percentage points accordingly. A few seem to begrudge the fact that they have to pay to eat out at all (despite the fact that these people often eat out frequently) and tip little to nothing.
In California, where the sales tax is fairly high, I double it to get the tip amount and usually end up tipping somewhere from 16-18%, depending on which county/city I am in. If I'm visiting friends in a state with low sales tax (6% or less), I'll triple it. This makes my calculations short and sweet, though I'll definitely consider tipping extra for excellent service or if a member of my party was difficult for some reason.
How much do you tip, and would anything about the service change the amount?
At Chowhound, there is an interesting discussion going on about dinner
invitation etiquette. The question is whether you should extend an invitation to someone who probably will not be able
to make it to the event. The chowhound who started the thread had a friend who was offended that she was not
invited to a dinner, though she admitted that she probably would not have come anyway. On one hand, you might think
that if she wasn't going to come, it does not matter whether she was invited. If she had decided to show up, though, it
could have caused problems for the group, which was dining at a restaurant.
Excluding large events, like weddings, most dinner parties at restaurants or at home have a lot that depends on the
dynamic of the group. When you are planning the party, you want to make sure that everyone will get along and that you
have a good mix of people. You want to invite people who will get along and you have to know in advance how many people
are coming in order to place a reservation or make the appropriate amount of food.
Personally, I think that the friend was out of line. Do you have to be included in every single thing a friend
does? No - and if you're not going to come anyway, don't complain about it.
In the Etiquette column of
this month's Good Housekeeping, there was a strange
query. A reader wanted to know whether it would be appropriate to move someone's
shopping cart when it is blocking the aisle in the supermarket. I'll let that sink in for a moment. Assuming that
the reader was not planning on moving the offending cart to the far end of the store, was this really a question that
needed to be asked? Does she simply stand there behind the cart and wait for something to happen? If the owner of the
blocking cart had moved off to look for something else, leaving the cart unattended, one must wonder how long she would
wait behind the unmoving cart. The columnist suggested that a polite "Excuse me" would probably suffice, but
that it was acceptable to "gently push the cart aside" if left with no alternative. Is this sort of issue
really such a crisis that they needed to write to a national magazine to have it sorted out? I can only hope that she
doesn't live in my neighborhood, because if she is that unable to navigate the grocery store, I'd hate to see her in
busy traffic.
I far prefer to stop at a Starbucks than a fast food restaurant when I am on a long drive because, most of
the time, I will pack my own snacks are simply want to get a drink. I'd rather have the extra caffeine of a coffee
versus a soda and prefer the far-better taste of freshly prepared coffee than the "coffee" that comes out of
a dispenser at the gas station convenience store. Starbucks also generally tend to have well-maintained bathrooms,
which I appreciate. But unless I really need to stretch my legs, I will find myself pulling up to the drive-thru
window at many highway-side Starbucks. Driving thru takes about the same amount of time as going inside the store, with
the added benefit that you do not have to get up. This is especially useful when it is cold outside and you don't want
to put on several layers to walk a few hundred feet to the door.
What is the right way to eat spaghetti? Anna Maria Volpi walks us step-by-step through the way real Italians eat their pasta, with a Quicktime movie for emphasis. Some no-nos:
I just came across a new blog (for me) called 
The fork
Several weeks ago, we looked at table etiquette when dining out -- but from the perspective of the server. We asked, "
The Chicago Tribune brought up an interesting question this week: 
Every so often - by which I mean frequently - a thread (or three) comes up at 
At 
In the 
I far prefer to stop at a Starbucks than a fast food restaurant when I am on a long drive because, most of
the time, I will pack my own snacks are simply want to get a drink. I'd rather have the extra caffeine of a coffee
versus a soda and prefer the far-better taste of freshly prepared coffee than the "coffee" that comes out of
a dispenser at the gas station convenience store. Starbucks also generally tend to have well-maintained bathrooms,
which I appreciate. But unless I really need to stretch my legs, I will find myself pulling up to the drive-thru
window at many highway-side Starbucks. Driving thru takes about the same amount of time as going inside the store, with
the added benefit that you do not have to get up. This is especially useful when it is cold outside and you don't want
to put on several layers to walk a few hundred feet to the door.
What is the right way to eat spaghetti? Anna Maria Volpi walks us step-by-step through the way real Italians eat their pasta, with a 
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