"Troll Caught" news and stories

Last September, in one of those press appearances that was intended to show that he was just a normal guy, Barack Obama appeared on 60 Minutes and made tuna fish salad for his daughters. Although the recipe that he used was exceedingly simple (tuna fish, gherkin pickles, mayo, and dijon mustard), it quickly became political. The Western Fishboat Owners Association used it as an opportunity to shill for troll-caught albacore. With that in mind, they offered the following recipe:

Presidential Tuna Salad Sandwiches
Makes 4 Sandwiches

2 six ounce cans of US troll-caught albacore
2 Tablespoons mayonnaise
1 lemon, juiced
1 tablespoon sweet pickle relish
Salt and pepper to taste
8 slices of bread
Lettuce and tomato slices to serve

Mix all but the last two ingredients together and assemble sandwiches. Enjoy!

I fiddled with this recipe a little bit. Being a fan of crunchiness, I threw in a couple of stalks of chopped celery. Also, as sweet pickle relish is an open invitation to high fructose corn syrup, I switched it out for some finely chopped, homemade bread and butter pickles. I also used low-fat mayonnaise and tossed in a little powdered red pepper, just for fun.

Finally, as I am fairly cheap (and don't like to support trolls), I went with more mainstream tuna fish. After a brief taste test, I determined that my favorite was Bumble Bee Prime Fillet Solid White Albacore. Although it comes in a shiny gold can and has every appearance of being expensive, it actually cost a little bit less than standard albacore. My apologies to America's fishing trolls (or trolling fishermen; I really have a hard time differentiating between the two).

After all my adjustments, the only real distinguishing factor of this tuna salad was its small quantity of mayo and addition of lemon juice. Both of these proved fantastic, and I will definitely be using them in the future. If anybody comes across other examples of Obama cuisine, please send them my way!