"Spiciest" news and stories

Driving through Nashville yesterday, I stopped at my favorite fried chicken joint, famous for its cayenne-laden, demonically spicy "hot chicken." Having had the "medium" and "hot" before, this time I went for the "x-tra hot."

The woman behind the counter looked me up and down and said "mmm hmm."

That should have been a warning.

Now I love spicy food. Love it. Drown my scrambled eggs in Valentina hot sauce, eat the extra jalapeños out of my friends' enchiladas, order my lamb vindaloo "as hot as possible. Seriously, as hot as possible."

But this chicken darn near killed me.

Biting into its crispy, cayenne-orange skin, a mushroom cloud exploded in my sinus cavity, my lips went numb, my feet began to sweat. I stuffed my mouth full of white bread and Diet Coke to stifle the battery acid burn on my tongue and gums and prayed I wouldn't pass out. Seriously, I can't believe that chicken isn't regulated by the government as a chemical weapon. When the pain finally subsided and I could move, I slunk back to the counter and ordered a "mild."

The woman behind the counter laughed.

Next time, I'll order the regular "hot."

So I was wondering: what's the hottest dish you've ever tasted? And what are your favorite remedies to cool the heat in your mouth (I've tried milk, bananas and bread in the past)?