Before we go any further, I have a confession to make. I like my local Applebee's, but not for the food. I've been there hundreds of times, yet I can count the number of meals I've eaten there on one hand. With the sole exception of the burger, I usually regret ordering anything there.
The real reason I go is simple: there are hardly any watering holes in Rego Park, Queens. Lest any of my fellow Slashfoodies, or God forbid my legions of fans, think me anything less than hip for bending my elbow at a chain restaurant, please be aware that such celebs as Joey Ramone's mother have been known to eat at the very same place. Really, it's true she hails from nearby Forest Hills.
So it certainly wasn't the Huge Flavor campaign involving Food Network star Tyler Florence that drew me to Applebee's last month. Although I must admit that that hearing that two dear friends of mine had sampled some items from the new menu sparked a torrent of conflicting emotions: sympathy, jealousy, Schadenfreude, and a sense of professional envy. Hovering above all of this was a lingering dread, since as a fellow gourmand and food writer I knew I would have to take one for the team.
New York Times Magazine's food issue
Chicken McNuggets frolic at New York City pet store
Eat your broccoli orbs! 
