"MiracleWhip" news and stories

Miracle Whip is going after Stephen Colbert, after the Comedy Central star made fun of its "Don't Be So Mayo" ad campaign.

The condiment company has purportedly purchased every commercial during Thursday's "Colbert Report" and taken out an open-letter newspaper ad to Colbert saying "we will dominate the airspace on your show ... we will own you."

This comes after Colbert "pop[ped] open a jar of mayo whup-ass" during his Oct. 15 show.

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I imagine that there are people in the world who eat Miracle Whip otherwise it wouldn't have so much coveted supermarket shelf space. But, what I want to know is: who? Who are the people that buy the Miracle Whip? 'Cuz, in my opinion, it's the most disgusting condiment ever created. It's even grosser than Kraft "Sandwich Spread" or green ketchup. It calls itself a "salad dressing," but I couldn't imagine glopping it on to a salad. (It almost makes me gag just thinking about it.)

Miracle Whip looks like mayonnaise, but it's so not. Upon close inspection, it is dotted with grains of paprika—that is one way to tell that it is not mayonnaise. The other way is to (blerf) taste it. It is tongue-meltingly tangy and overly cloying at the same time. Once you taste it, it is impossible to remove the after-taste from your mouth. It coats your tongue with its saccharine unpleasantness...blech. Totally heave-making. I just can't see how its overpowering sweetness would add anything to any dish in which it is used. But I know you Miracle Whip-lovers are out there. So tell me, why do you like it? And what do you eat it on...er, with?