Zooey Deschanel Photo: Frazer Harrison, Getty Images

Who knew someone as adorable as Zooey Deschanel could be so difficult? Truth be told, when the actress and singer showed up as a guest judge/elfin dinner hostess last night on "Top Chef Masters," we were counting the moments until she threw the inevitable curveball: "I'm a vegetarian."

When she added "no eggs or dairy" -- never uttering the word "vegan" -- and professed her intolerance for soy or wheat, we sensed the evil guiding hand of the show's producers, eager to ratchet up the tension for the five remaining celeb chefs. The only way they could've played it up more would have been to have her break plates and pull a "Mommie Dearest" at the dinner table: "I told you, no gluten ingredients EVER!"

No such luck. The star of the heavily Bravo-promoted "500 Days of Summer" was a model of apologetic demureness when she met the cooks pre-meal, although she did decline Michael Chiarello's request to sing couple of a cappella songs in exchange for his culinary handiwork.

Behind her back, the Italian cuisine maestro was the most outwardly offended by the restrictions, calling them "off-putting."

Chef Anita Lo. Photo: Bravo TV.

Now things get ugly. We've been waiting all season for something to break the respectful, civilized, almost comically cordial spell cast by the "Top Chef Masters" assortment of celebrity chefs, each gingerly battling the other for a claim to Bravo-endorsed superiority (not to mention a philanthropic sack full of Lexus-supplied charity cash). In Wednesday night's first round of finals, the cloud of cheery camaraderie seemed to have finally lifted.

It wasn't the chefs who removed their gloves -- or mitts, to be more appropriate -- but rather, the folks behind the scenes. From the quickfire challenge to the judges' table, the six chefs who've made it this far were subjected to a grueling, baffling psychological experiment the likes of which we haven't seen since the Skinner box.

Maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration. But right from the start, something was off-kilter. Even host Kelly Choi's usual preschool-teacher diction took on a tinge of deviousness as she announced that each chef would be asked to prepare his or her "sig-na-ture dish," making sure to linger on every syllable.

Jonathan Waxman Photo: Fabrizio Ferri, courtesy of jonathanwaxman.com

Could you feel the love last night on Top Chef Masters? Sure, the season until now has been all about pro-chef bonding: sharing techniques; lending a hand in the crunch; reminiscing about experiences in the culinary world.

But Wednesday was something else entirely. The competing foursome went to a place somewhere beyond mere camaraderie -- a place even further than the conciliatory, bromantic half-hug shared by final-round losers Roy Yamaguchi (Roy's Hawaiian Kitchen) and Michael Cimarusti (of LA's acclaimed Providence). What we witnessed last night was an emotional journey, a blubbering, four-hanky love-in.

The warm fuzzies started with the introduction of this group's demigod, Jonathan Waxman. Not only was the Barbuto owner and New Yorker a literal mentor to Cimarusti years prior, but his clout with James Beard and Julia Child back in the day held Yamaguchi and Oprah's favorite Southern chef Art Smith (Table 52) in awe for most of the episode.

When it came time for each chef to pick the ingredients for each others' final cook-off, their selections the best seasonal goods Whole Foods had to offer, rather than sundry oddities meant to undermine the competition: kumquats, sunchokes, mangoes, beautiful bone-in pork chops. "The word 'sabotage' isn't in a professional chef's vocabulary," Waxman reminded us.

Endless Simmer just put up a speculative piece about the next White House Executive Chef. Before going off the deep end with their suggestions that the Obamas try out Rachel Ray, Cindy McCain, and butter sculptor Duffy Lion, the site laid out three front runners for the job: Art Smith, Tony Mantuano, and Criseta Comerford. Smith and Mantuano are both noted chefs with prominent restaurants; Smith runs "Art and Soul," while Mantuano owns the Obamas' favorite Chicago eatery, Spiaggia. The third choice, Criseta Comerford, is the current White House Executive Chef.

After reading Endless Simmer's piece, I took a peek through The White House Family Cookbook. Written by Henry Haller, Executive Chef at the White House for over 25 years, the book showcases the wide variety of foods that Presidential families have eaten over the years. Based on Haller, I tend to disagree with Endless Simmer's first two suggestions for a few basic reasons. First off, while being the big Kahuna in the White House kitchen is a great honor, it isn't exactly necessarily a great career move. In fact, most people don't really know anything about the White House Executive Chef until he or she releases a cookbook, usually after leaving the job. With this in mind, it seems unlikely that an established chef would walk away from a prominent restaurant to toil in relative obscurity.

The second problem with Smith and Mantuano is that the skills required of a White House chef are significantly different than those required of a restaraunteur. To achieve fame in the restaurant profession, a chef needs to develop a personal style that is distinctive and unique. A White House chef, on the other hand, needs to be able to prepare a wide variety of foods to absolute perfection. While this gives a lot of room to try new things, it doesn't allow a lot of room for personal expression. A creme brulee has to follow the classical definition of the dish, and a pancake has to be a perfect, if bland, pancake. For established chefs, the inability to put a personal spin on every dish would be painful at best.

After three years of working in the White House, Comerford probably has a great deal of experience with mastering the preferred styles and tastes of numerous White House visitors. Beyond that, she already knows her way around the kitchen and has a place in the city. My money is definitely on her!

Spoilers! Spoilers!

Last night's episode of Top Chef showed that there is a difference between being a great chef and being able to cook a meal in a home. Take Stephanie, for example. She can win challenges by the handful, but when asked to cook a meal for four, she overcooked a pot of couscous and tried to make a sauce out of peanut butter and tomatoes. In a way, it made me feel a bit good about my own cooking skills -- like, please, I cook dinner every night for 2-10 people and it (occasionally) looks a (a little bit) better than the turkey on rice that Mark made for the Quickfire.