Meet The Team / Michael Thomas Hastings

We have to admit, it's been a rocky season. At first, we weren't quite sure if we were invested in the notion of "all star" cheftestants from seven seasons of our favorite cooking competition show. Many of these folks weren't tops among their season -- would the hunger to win be there? Would the competitive, overconfident, back-stabbing spirit thrive?

But as we settled in with a big glass of wine for the finale -- watching Richard Blais futz around with a gigantic canister of liquid nitrogen, Mike Isabella hone his super-rustic Italian flavors, and Padma fumble around with some awkward "live" interludes from the finale afterparty -- we got that warm, fuzzy Top Chef feeling just like we do during the best seasons, and realized just how far all our friends had come this year.

You see, at first, we weren't quite sure if the stakes were high enough, what with Jen's early-season walk-off, weeks of Jamie's "who gives a crap" performance, and Fabio's oh-so-canned judge flirting. And then the proverbial almost-ran chaff fell away from the Top Chef wheat, leaving only the ones who were in it to win it -- and that's when things got really interesting. Carla proved not only to be the mega-entertaining ex-model personality we knew her to be but also a stunning purveyor of comfort food. Antonia shone as a competitor worthy of being with the best (and, in a plot twist straight out of a soap opera, ended up being Mike's cousin!).

Luckily, some of those awesome finalists at least got to be sous-chefs for the finale, although the method for choosing them was a bit unorthodox: Each eliminated All Star had to make a dish for Richard and Mike to blindly taste. Though the matching dishes to their creators was fun (no one got who they expected!), in the end, the sous-chefs ended up playing less of a part than they have in previous seasons, save for Carla's slight overcooking of Mike's dessert, and Spike's invaluable -- if totally unsubtle -- reconnaissance work for Richard ("Thomas Keller loved it!").

If you wanted to see three chefs losing it -- like, epically, majestically, Charlie Sheen-ishly losing it -- all you had to do was turn on Bravo this week. There, you could witness a textbook example of psychopathia culinarus: nervous laughing, pacing, sweating bullets, bags under eyes, nausea on the verge of projectile vomiting -- sometimes all in the same scene. Our friends at Bravo edited this one for maximum tension, to be sure.

We expect surprises when we're down to the final three, but this was ridiculous. First up was the Quickfire, where the now-overconfident Mike was allowed to further hone his mind-messing skills by getting to choose one of three classic Top Chef challenges for his competitors. His "gift" to Antonia: Cook using only canned food. Meanwhile, Richard bequeathed the "one pot" challenge to Mike (which, as Antonia pointed out, was a massive mistake -- it meant he could choose any ingredients he wanted!).

We're not exactly sure how much we'd stress over a Quickfire at this point in the game, and it seemed as though our trio might've just sailed right through it -- were it not for Padma throwing them a few curve balls: Don't use utensils (Mike), tie one hand behind your back (Richard), cook with a former cheftestant attached at the hip (Antonia and Carla).

When all was said and done, guest judge Wolfgang Puck seemed to be judging on a steep curve, taking into consideration the chefs' handicaps. Richard's hot dog pieces on roti bread was too "ketchupy," Antonia's shrimp broth was a bit overseasoned, and Mike's pork shoulder was not cooked long enough in his malfunctioning pressure cooker. Regardless, Mike took home yet another win.

Oh, it's time. Time for the home-stretch confidence. Time for the daring flavor combinations. Time for the bravado. Time for the beards and bikinis.

No, that's not a euphemism. The former was provided, rather feebly, by Richard, who summed up the key to being among the final four on Top Chef: "I've been bakin' bread, growin' a beard -- all the things you have to do in the finale!"

The latter was provided by Padma (what, you were expecting Mike Isabella?) who introduced the night's challenge while striking her best SI swimsuit cover-model pose. Cue the lascivious comments from the aforementioned Mike.

Inviting the chefs to hop aboard a boat chartered by some dude who looked like Sammy Hagar, Padma led the foursome to an island in the Bahamas where they were given the Survivor treatment: Cook only with what Bravo left on the shore and, just to add physical insult to culinary injury, go snorkeling in shallow water to supply your own conch for one of your proteins.

To quote a rock star more into fashion than food: Oh, the ch-ch-ch-ch-changes. We're never quite sure how much time elapses between the main season of "Top Chef" and the home-stretch finale episodes, and this year, the difference was particularly noticeable.

What happened to Richard's porcupine spikes!? Did they wilt once they got a hint of the Bahamian humidity? And what's up with that feeble beard? Meanwhile, Mike boasted that he spent his time off training monastically all over the kitchens of D.C. -- working with pastry chefs, even.

By the end of this grueling episode, the formerly pumped-up Mike Isabella could be heard moaning, "Ugh. It's been so long since we had a Judge's Table."

What could cause such dread? Well, first was a Quickfire Challenge in which each chef was pitted against the winner from their season. This meant Mike had to go head-to-head with the snottier of the Voltaggio brothers. Richard and Antonia went toe-to-toe-to-toe with Season 4 champ Stephanie. Of course the cheftestants wanted to prove they were better than their former competitors. Everyone but Carla and Antonia did just that -- with perhaps the most stunning defeat being Mike's taking some of the shine, however briefly, off of Voltaggio.

Turns out it was just a warm-up. The elimination challenge was to create a meal for the king and queen of the Bahamas -- at a fish shack, no less -- and then came a deep-fryer fire that forced all of the cheftestants to recook their meals completely.

We were filled with anxiety when we turned on Bravo this week. After all, with a haute-cuisine wizard like Dale down, the title of "Top Chef All-Star" is anyone's to lose. And when the episode began with Antonia reminiscing about her lovely daughter back home, it filled us with fear. Not you, Antonia! Anyone but you!

But maybe we had it wrong. This was, after all, an Ellis Island-themed episode -- they'd be cooking family dishes -- so maybe Antonia's family tale was just part of the theme. No need to worry, right?

Not just yet. After a Quickfire challenge in which our cheftestants were restricted to just the junk food on the ferry (which meant Richard "piled 14 things on a hot dog," according to Carla), it was clear this might be a tough evening. And maybe, like Carla's take on an orange-rosemary salad, simplicity would win out in the end.

We were then treated to a few familial reunions and revelations: Moms, husbands and wives joined the chefs on the island and combed through genealogist-approved reports on each contestant's background. And while there was the usual "I didn't know my great-grandpa was a chemist!" stuff, there was a pretty big bombshell revealed.