Photo: Erik R. Trinidad
Let's face it: as authentic as Burger King claimed their limited-time-only "Fire-Grilled Ribs" to be, they weren't pretty. Sure they looked amazing on the commercial with the magic of television, and on the posters with the magic of photography, but out of the box they just looked sloppy, like defective rawhide chew treats. (No offense to companies out there that make rawhide dog chew treats.)
We here at the Fancy Fast Food kitchen wanted to work a little magic of our own and transform the King's legitimate ribs into something more legit-looking. Given that these fast food ribs did, in fact, come on the bone (unlike that on-again/off-again limited-time-only sandwich at the Golden Arches), we decided to make an osso bucco, that Italian dish where bones -- and the marrow inside -- are a part of the recipe, if not the most significant ingredient since the name literally translates to "bone hole." How much marrow we would actually get out of these "B-holes" was indeterminable, but the ending visual sure looked fancy -- in the end, it's all about how good it looks!
Read on for the "recipe" for Osso BuKko after the jump...
Ingredients (from Burger King)
- 1 order of BK Fire-Grilled Ribs (6)
- 1 order of Onion Rings
- 1 order of French Fries
- 1 Garden Salad
- 1 medium Dr. Pepper (with ice)
- packs of barbecue sauce and ketchup
First things first: strain the Dr. Pepper into a saucepan, saving the ice for a later use. Bring the Dr. Pepper to a boil so that it starts reducing; that carbonated prune-juice flavor will be the base of our makeshift osso bucco sauce.
While that's going, prepare the other ingredients: debread the onion rings and expose them for their onion mush extrusion; these will be the onions in the sauce. Chop the baby carrots and the lettuce from the salad. Slice the cherry tomatoes into halves.
Once the Dr. P has reduced to a syrupy consistency, add in the barbecue sauce and ketchup and stir. Add in the onions, carrots, and chopped greens, followed by all the ribs. Reduce the saucepan to a low heat and let the whole stew simmer for 10-20 minutes. It is during this time that some of the marrow in the ribs' bones should magically ooze out into the sauce; how much really depends on how stubborn those bone holes want to be. B-holes!
Melt some ice back into water and use it in the magic food processor to blend the french fries into a mashed potato consistency. Scoop some potato onto the center of a fancy plate; this will be the bed for your stewed ribs. Finish the plating by garnishing the dish with some sauce, cherry tomatoes, and some finely-chopped lettuce from the salad (the darker leaves). Presto! The King's ribs are now "Osso BuKko" and they look better than they did on television! How's that for magic?
Erik R. Trinidad -- who is not a trained chef but enjoys recreational cooking -- is the creator of Fancy Fast Food, where fast food goes through an extreme makeover without the use of any additional ingredients (other than an occasional garnish). This is his ninth post for Slashfood. Check out his travel blog at TheGlobalTrip.com, plus more mock recipes and videos at FancyFastFood.com.