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Photo: foodiesathome.com, Flickr
Ah, brownies, a simple, classic, easy-to-bake dessert -- unless, of course, you are a Pentagon employee, in which case you follow a 26-page recipe to make them. That's right: twenty-six. As CBS News so wittily pointed out, these are people who take their desserts almost as seriously as war.
The recipe -- or rather, the formula -- covers every possible detail, actual or hypothetical. There is no room for creative interpretation here. For example, the size: That would be precisely 3.5 by 2.5 by 5/8ths of an inch per brownie. The ingredients list, too, is very, very specific -- measurements are listed in parts per weight, which is more exacting than, say, cups or tablespoons. Even the moisture content of the finished product is specified (that would be not more than 8.0 percent -- for an "uncoated" brownie).
When NPR's Guy Raz spoke to the Pentagon about their thorough approach to baked goods, Jeremy Whitsitt, speaking for the Department of Defense Combat Feeding Directorate, explained that these brownies are not intended for ordinary circumstances. They are, in fact, heading into war zones. "One thing we like to say is, 'What would happen if you cooked a meal, stored it in a stifling hot warehouse, dropped it out of an airplane, dragged it through the mud, left it out with bugs and vermin, and ate it three years later?'"
Of course, if these are the conditions you're dealing with, perhaps a delicious brownie is not your number-one priority. Even so, Raz tasted one of the brownies in the name of journalism -- and declared them "not so good: dry, crumbly and dense." But, he conceded, "they did taste as if they might last quite a while if boxed up and shipped to a war zone."
Mission accomplished.
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5-27-2010 @7:30AM chris said... This why "military intelligence" is an oxymoron.
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5-27-2010 @3:41PM Al Schrader said... Actually, the people in the military procurement office are quite intelligent. It's very different when you order a product by contract verses buying a brownie at your local bakery.
You have to spell-out every detail because the consumer of it will be thousands of miles away.
Is kinda like buying a tuna sub from the drive thru. They know it will be too late for you to return it when you discover that they left out the lettuce because you will be miles away.
5-27-2010 @6:21PM Simzee said... Perhaps someone spread some "magic dust" in the brownies. HEHEHEHEHE
5-27-2010 @8:07AM nklfrank said... my friend was a cook at the Pentagon. Here's his formula for cooking fo so many people:
Hot Food Hot, Cold Food Cold, plent of Salt & Pepper.......
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5-27-2010 @9:28AM poot said... As a baker, I can say, any recipe that needs to be consistent is done by weight, that has nothing to do with being anal, nor does it add to the length of the recipe. That being said, my own brownie recipe is done by weight, and written down takes up about 1/3 of a page. 26 pages is just stupid and typical of everything the military does.
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5-27-2010 @10:30AM Bill said... Yes, if it was you or I making the brownies 26 pages would be stupid. If you read the story then you should have understood that the brownies have to have a shelf life of over three years, and be able to handle extreme tempatures and extreme tempature changes. The recipe also has to be idiot proof so that literaly anybody could use it. Now if you can do that on only 1/3 of a page then congradulations you are smarter than the DoD bakers, if not then please stop knocking the military. While they do some things that don't make sence to non-military personnel, there is a good reason for most , not all, of the things that they do.
5-27-2010 @12:03PM Glorious said... Before you jump all over someone for their interpretation of the article, how about learning to spell "congratulations" and "sense".
5-27-2010 @3:29PM Debbie said... Also............ temperature.
5-27-2010 @4:48PM Mary said... Really? Does it matter if there are misspellings? This was probably written by a person whose family is involved in the military and feels pretty strongly about the constant criticism directed towards them and the department of defense. I don't care if a brownie recipe is 26 pages. If gives the men and women who are protecting our right to criticize them over a brownie recipe a moment of happiness (and no food poisoning) then great. Get over your need to mock other people and get down on your knees and thank God there are kids willing to give ther lives for obnoxious asses like you guys.
5-27-2010 @8:24PM David said... Actually making the brownies/cookies is only one page. The rest of the "Recipe" covers specifications for ingredients and packaging materials, how to make the pouches and set up the boxes, what tests have te be ran to insure a 3 year shelflife, etc.
Worked for company that did frozen unbaked and baked products most of specifications were longer.
5-27-2010 @10:41PM Mark said... Its the government in general, not just the military.
5-27-2010 @9:32AM Spaceman Eddie said... Brought to you by the Halliburton Elves.
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5-27-2010 @10:23AM BO said... I remember eating C-rations packed in the early 1940's when in Korea in the 1950's LOL
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5-28-2010 @9:08AM Mikey said... I ate some canned cookies dated 1943 when I was stationed in Gtmo Bay Cuba in 1969; they were still good!!!
5-27-2010 @10:51AM GLENN said... No wonder this country is in such bad shape. Idiots at every level making excuses for going from the livingroom to the bathroom via France, rather than through the hallway. God help this country.
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5-27-2010 @11:02AM Just Saying... said... Am I the only one that noticed the word "chocolate" is spelled wrong in the title?
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5-27-2010 @11:14AM Bev said... Don't know what your reading..never saw the word chocolate in the title or story. Ay least if you are gonna be anal about something make sure you have your facts right.
5-27-2010 @11:19AM Bev said... It would be in the recipe page that chocolate is spelled wrong.
5-27-2010 @4:20PM Just Saying... said... Bev, If you're going to be "Little Miss Corrections" Ay least you could try using a spell check, You're about as efficient as the person that titled the recipe page.
5-27-2010 @5:19PM Also Saying... said... Just Saying, if you're going to play "hippocrite," you could "ay least" spell "at least" correctly. Oh, and thank you for pointing out the the misspelling of "chocolate." You are so efficient.