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When I was applying for my first waitress job, my total lack of experience qualified me to work at two types of places: Coney Islands, the Greek diner/chili parlor mash-ups that are ubiquitous in southeast Michigan, and family dining chains clustered around highway exits. I opted for the former, mostly so I wouldn't have to sing.
I haven't visited a Lone Star Steakhouse since the mid-1990s, but the restaurant's original shtick included a server-led birthday boot scoot that involved way more coordination and tune-carrying than I could possibly muster. Even if I'd been blessed with Ethel Merman's pipes, I'm not sure I'd have been any more gung-ho about breaking out in birthday song: The whole routine seemed designed to shame the staff and mortify the celebrant.
Yet a surprising number of restaurant goers expect their servers to fuss over their birthdays – and act genuinely hurt when nobody bangs a tambourine, flashes the lights or presents them with a free slice of chocolate cake.
There are restaurants that famously make a big deal out of birthdays: Around here, nearly every Japanese steakhouse menu features a $5 birthday package, which includes a rousing medley of "Happy Birthday" and "Hava Nagila" sung by the chefs and a souvenir Polaroid picture. But most restaurant celebrations tend to be more restrained, for reasons of price and propriety.
Here's the thing about birthdays: Everybody has one. And on a Saturday night in a nice restaurant, it's not uncommon to find a birthday boy or girl at more than half the tables. Few restaurants can afford to fete all those celebrants with free cake, Champagne or anything else. That's why the only gift most guests get from the kitchen is a dessert plate with birthday greetings written in chocolate.
Chocolate script strikes me as a classy solution to birthdays, which are terribly fraught for servers. Even when the birthday party's well-behaved – meaning they're not drinking way more than they should or demanding another set of plates for their store-bought cake -- it's often unclear whether the honoree wants to be repeatedly reminded of the milestone. Talking about someone's age rarely squares with good service.
Still, I don't think birthdays should be entirely ignored. I even brought a box of candles to the restaurant where I work so we can properly top birthday desserts. I firmly believe an embellished plate, single candle and a quiet "happy birthday" are more appreciated than any song and dance.
What do you think? Do you like a server serenade? What do you expect from a restaurant on your birthday?
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3-22-2010 @9:27PM Romie said... I agee fully with the fact that singing happy birthday by the servers is embarrassing and out dated. I feel the article tells it like it is. Great job, thanks for the comments.
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3-22-2010 @8:20AM Candace said... Funny how everyone here is complaining about the birthday singing when I see alot of people join in the fun and sing along with the wait staff..........hmmm, obviously it isnt this bunch, glad I dine with people who are interesting and festive. If you want to dine is peace and quiet stay home.
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3-22-2010 @8:32AM reddoorrestos said... Anymore, it's not even singing, it's shouting and clapping. When we go out to eat, it's for the luxury of it. Whether we're going to Friday's or Chez Whatever, we're going to enjoy each others company, to have someone cook for us, to not have to do dishes, or to add a little something new and exciting into our lives. It's hard to do these things when someone is yelling in my ear; when there is a dozen people shouting and clapping, to the point where we have to stop our conversation because the other person is inaudible. Everyone should feel special on their birthday, but that doesn't have to be achieved at the expense of ever patron surrounding them. Have we become so spoiled that a simple meal out is not special enough for us?
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3-22-2010 @8:43AM claude lewis said... YES ITS FUN TO CELEBRATE ONES BIRTHDAY MY WIFE AND I JUST JOIN IN WHEN WEARE OUT TO EAT AND THEY BEGIN TO CELEBRATE ANYBODYS BIRTHDAY WE LOVE TO SEE AMERICANS SMILE AND ENJOY THEMSELVES WE WILL ENJOY IT MORE IF WE CAN GET OUT TO VOTE IN NOVEMBER AND PUT OUR REPUBLICAN FRINEDS IN CONGRESS AND BALANCE THE STATE AND FEDERAL BUDGET BIRTHDAY PARTIES CREATE JOBS AND PROSPERITY AND WE ARE ALL FOR THAT
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3-22-2010 @9:04AM Rich said... Geez, how in the world can you interject politics into this discussion. Must be one of those tea-party wing-nuts. Back to the subject, I work hard for the money I earn and so I just don't go to those restaurants where they force the help to sing ridiculous birthday tunes, as usually the food is institutional at best.
3-22-2010 @11:15AM LALALEIGH said... Agreed, that it is ridiculous to interject political comments (not to mention writing in all CAPS!!), but it kinda ruins your arguement and makes you look pretty immature when you interject your own by way of name calling in response......tea-party wing nuts?
3-22-2010 @8:51AM pacman said... keep the birthday celebration private in your own home. the people sitting nearby do not wish to be disturbed and i'm sure the waitresses who have to do this many times a day are bored to tears.
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3-22-2010 @9:00AM Rich in CA. said... My favorite birthday song is from Hof's Hut in SoCal....... "This is your birthday song, it isn't very long". It always makes me smile. My least favorite is: "Hapy Beartday to jou", as sung in any mexican restaurant. I would rather they sing it in spanish, that I would recognize the tune and not the words than to butcher it in english, to the same end!
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3-22-2010 @8:43AM Unh Huh! said... I've experienced both versions. I appreciate the "treat" and quiter attention by the individual server. I've been a server myself...and experienced the "round up of the celebration posse." It takes too much time from service and the servers to do the theatrical melodramatic performance...and can be quite embarrassing for the individual. Especially if family members or friends secretly request it. And it's irritating to be dining while 25 servers are BELTING out the restaurant's rendition of their "Happy B-Day song". I suggest Chuck-E-Cheese if that sort of thing is what people want. And truly...is a few cents worth of a dessert (all most restaurants offer) too much when most B-Day celebrants are bringing in groups of people to celebrate? (And I personally think it rude of the party to demand plates when they bring in outside desserts...that could potentially be an expensive request of the restaurant and reduce the number of desserts they might sale. Anyone should ask the restaurant in advance if they can bring in outside cake, etc...and provide their own disposable paper plates if they're going to do such...how rude!)
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3-23-2010 @4:55AM D said... I believe that the group with the birthday person likes the bigger the better scene than the actual birthday person. I would be totally happy with a single candle, piece of cake and abunch of well wishes as I depart the restraurant. o need for singing, dancing or boot scooting for me!
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3-23-2010 @11:01AM Kevin said... I find the public celebration that the workers are forced to put forth to be more of a nuisance than anything else. I fthe restaurant wants to give a quiet acknowledgement, great.
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3-22-2010 @8:58AM Jo said... I'm actually stunned by all these nay-saying answers. Needing attention? Hardly. I say I'm dropping $$ on dinner...bring me the goods. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting, receiving, enjoying it!! If you don't want to participate as a restaurant patron...huh, DON'T...but my family has found it fun and sweet. You must be a real wall-flower if you don't like it. LOL. Happy Days!!
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3-22-2010 @8:51AM Boodiers said... I'm sorry but there is nothing more fun then taking my children out to dinner for their birthdays. I love when their faces light up when all these people come over to clap and sing to them. It makes their birthday extra special. We live far away from our family so the option of having them here to celebrate with us is not an option. We actually choose restaurants that will sing to them.
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3-22-2010 @9:42AM poot said... That's nice for your kids... but how do your parents like it when you do it to them?
3-22-2010 @8:52AM gk said... If you love birthday singing etc. great, do it somewhere that it's expected and no one is going to get bothered by it, have respect for other people. No one wants you to not celebrate, just do it right....
A friend and I have birthdays one day apart, and our girlfriends at the time wanted to do it up so to speak, so they took us as a surprise to a goofy singing type of theatre restuaraunt, you know one where all the hoopla is expected and the wait staff was dressed up anyway... we were still embarrassed, but at least it was done in an atmosphere that such a *celebration* was expected not considered rude.
Personally I too hate to hear others birthday celebrations as it is incrediably annoying and disrespectful to me and my dinner companianion if I am in a normal restauraunt or bar.. I go to have some nice time with the one I'm with, not be made attention of, nor listen to others singing out of key, loud and annoying.
The thing is some people like to embarrass others, they think its light-hearted and fun... but in reality it only shows they care only for themself and have little to no respect for the other persons feelings, wants, wishes or desires.
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3-22-2010 @8:57AM The GM said... Restaurants get taken advantage of from some less scrupulous guests. Some people seem to have 2 or more birthdays in one year, just to get the free dessert.
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3-23-2010 @4:43PM Unh Huh said... That's rudeness for you....and some people go to several restaurants over a few days surrounding their birthday to get free meals, desserts, and take out a slew of friends who will get them presents. Some people NEVER grow up, they just age....
3-22-2010 @9:02AM FRANK said... I do it all the time to my girlfriend even when its not her birthday. We only do it in those loud places like TGIFridays Macaroni Grill etc. In a classy place it's a quiet atmosphere and I don't disturb it. My girlfriend gets a kick out of it and I always take care of the servers very well, so if you don't like the singing go to a quiet place
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3-22-2010 @9:10AM Sonya said... I worked for an Applebee's. And it seemed that once we would finally get all the servers gathered for the birthday song..at least 5 more table would speak up and want us to sing to their birthday boy, girl, woman or man.This was not easy, on a busy night we would have 10-14 servers..and trying to pull them away from the actual order taking, salad making, drink filling, food serving, table bussing, floor sweeping, condiment filling, check ringing and cashing out part of the job was another job in itself. And on a slower part of the day we may have only 2-6 servers on the floor, making it again rough to pull away and nobody wanted to lead the song. This was a dreaded task. The actual singing in front of a full restaurant, and the gathering of singers. And forget asking the manager on duty to help, once they were promoted their singing days are over..and I can't say I blame em, but please, don't ask or expect me to do a job you wouldn't do yourself! I don't believe the song is ever truly appreciated by the birthday person, but truly meant for the pleasure of those asking to embarrass their friends! I would much rather just hand em a free dessert and say a sincere Happy Birthday to you!
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3-22-2010 @9:10AM Harrysvicki said... One of my favorite dining room Happy Birthday serenades was on a cruise ship. The waiters spoke so many different languages and the lyrics came out "Happy burseday to jew"
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