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When I was applying for my first waitress job, my total lack of experience qualified me to work at two types of places: Coney Islands, the Greek diner/chili parlor mash-ups that are ubiquitous in southeast Michigan, and family dining chains clustered around highway exits. I opted for the former, mostly so I wouldn't have to sing.
I haven't visited a Lone Star Steakhouse since the mid-1990s, but the restaurant's original shtick included a server-led birthday boot scoot that involved way more coordination and tune-carrying than I could possibly muster. Even if I'd been blessed with Ethel Merman's pipes, I'm not sure I'd have been any more gung-ho about breaking out in birthday song: The whole routine seemed designed to shame the staff and mortify the celebrant.
Yet a surprising number of restaurant goers expect their servers to fuss over their birthdays – and act genuinely hurt when nobody bangs a tambourine, flashes the lights or presents them with a free slice of chocolate cake.
There are restaurants that famously make a big deal out of birthdays: Around here, nearly every Japanese steakhouse menu features a $5 birthday package, which includes a rousing medley of "Happy Birthday" and "Hava Nagila" sung by the chefs and a souvenir Polaroid picture. But most restaurant celebrations tend to be more restrained, for reasons of price and propriety.
Here's the thing about birthdays: Everybody has one. And on a Saturday night in a nice restaurant, it's not uncommon to find a birthday boy or girl at more than half the tables. Few restaurants can afford to fete all those celebrants with free cake, Champagne or anything else. That's why the only gift most guests get from the kitchen is a dessert plate with birthday greetings written in chocolate.
Chocolate script strikes me as a classy solution to birthdays, which are terribly fraught for servers. Even when the birthday party's well-behaved – meaning they're not drinking way more than they should or demanding another set of plates for their store-bought cake -- it's often unclear whether the honoree wants to be repeatedly reminded of the milestone. Talking about someone's age rarely squares with good service.
Still, I don't think birthdays should be entirely ignored. I even brought a box of candles to the restaurant where I work so we can properly top birthday desserts. I firmly believe an embellished plate, single candle and a quiet "happy birthday" are more appreciated than any song and dance.
What do you think? Do you like a server serenade? What do you expect from a restaurant on your birthday?
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3-17-2010 @3:05PM Britt said... I honestly can't stand the "Happy Birthday" schtick. When I am at a restaurant with my friends, husband, or family, nothing is more annoying than having to hear the singing and clapping walking through the dining room. Once I went to a Macaroni Grill to announce my engagement to my now husband with his family. The server overheard, and brought the two of us a slice of cake "on the house" to say congratulations. No ridiculousness, no bringing attention to our table. It was classy and appropriate. I think birthdays should follow a similar pattern. A cup of ice cream, a small piece of cake, a word of happy birthday. We don't need to involve the entire restaurant.
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3-22-2010 @6:42AM Kim said... The TIckle Me Plant Party Favor packaged in the usa made my kids Birthday Party a huge success. In it you can grow a real Plant that moves when you Tickle It! The leaves instantly fold and even the branches droop when Tickled! You have to see the video and grow your own to believe this is real. I found it at (Http://tiny.cc/Ticklemeplant)
3-23-2010 @2:44PM Irmgard M said... I think a Quiet congratulation is all that is needed .A small piece of cake or ice cream would be a plus.
3-22-2010 @11:47AM Vicki said... I do not like the arbitrary singing of the Happy Birthday. Most people don't like being in a fish bowl when the singing starts. A quiet happy birthday from the server and maybe a candle in a desert is plenty.
3-22-2010 @2:34PM Roberta said... I really don't like the whole server staff serenading me. I feel embarrassed and humiliated, to tell you the truth, and I'm even more embarrassed for the servers who have to do it. The older I get the less attention I want drawn to the fact that I'm another year older. However my teenage daughter loves stuff like that, and she always wants the song and dance and cake and attention for her birthday. So if we're out at a restaurant to celebrate my birthday she tries to egg me on to let the server know its my "special day" but she understands that I'd much rather have it kept low-key. So sometimes I indulge her and sometimes I don't. My preference is to skip the whole thing.
3-22-2010 @2:25PM Samson said... You went to Macaroni Grill to announce your engagement?
FAIL
3-22-2010 @2:43PM MandiP said... I am in the minority of this because you are paid to work and do whatever is associated with the job. If you CHOOSE to work for a resteraunt whos wait staff sings for birthdays, you take your turn and sing. If you GO to resteraunts that sing for birthdays, YOU chose it. I choose not to TELL anyone in the food service industry about my birthday, so no one has ever sung. My friends even know better than to take me to a resteraunt that does so. Bottom line: you don't like singing, don't work there or if you don't want to get involved, don't eat there.
3-22-2010 @3:27PM susan said... I agree. I would be very angry at my family if a slew of waiter/waitresses came over to my table to sing happy birthday. I choose a restaurant on my birthday to enjoy the meal and company, not to be sung to. A simple happy birthday is enough, but usually don't tell my server that there is a birthday at the table. We have cake and sing at home after dinner has digested..
3-22-2010 @4:47PM Carole said... When I am dining out, too often I am waiting for my server to deliver my food or check but he/she is busy singing to someone at another table. His/her job is to wait on his/her tables. I understand the restaurant has the right to tell all the staff to stop their regular jobs and sing to one table, but when that happens several times a night it gets annoying. I fail to understand why anyone would be gratified by having strangers sing birthday wishes to them, I know that I would not. I want my birthday wishes to come from my friends and family ONLY.
3-22-2010 @5:12PM Lori said... I always contact the restaurant in advance and make sure that it is okay to celebrate whomever's birthday we are celebrating and verify that it is okay to bring a cake. At the end of the party I offer cake to the wait staff as well as anyone in the kitchen not to mention leaving at least a 25 % tip for helping to make whomever's day special. So I think that I am compensating the waitstaff well enough that they shouldn't mind the extra effort it takes to wait on us.
3-17-2010 @11:39PM Bean Reel said... What's that new buzz term, conspicuous consumption? Meaning give me something good, something considerate and well thought out. You can keep the flash and dance and for the love of Mike, don't ask me to join in for the table of people I don't know from Adam.
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3-22-2010 @8:31PM RalfDruid said... Dear B. Reel:
Generally agree with post---although "conspicuous consumption" not a buzz term of recent origin. Please see Thorstein Veblen and conspicuous consumption in such places as wikipedia. Term is more than 100 years old.
RalfDruid
3-22-2010 @4:48PM Charles said... Hey Mandi, get a clue! Where in the dictionary under "server" does it say anything about singing??? Oh, that's right...You've never opened a dictionary. We can see that by your lack of ability in spelling.
3-22-2010 @6:11AM Jo said... Absolutely. If I wanted to celebrate my birthday with a bunch of strangers I'd put a sign on the restaurant door that I'm picking up the tab, if they'll sing, dance, clap and celebrate with me. Yeah, right !! I cmpletely agree, we need more class, less crass.
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3-22-2010 @6:22AM That Guy said... I have served and Bartended at a few places especially through college. Now when I was tending bar it was much easier when the birthday was involved , usually the people were a couple drinks deep "loose" and having a good time. I would follow that up with a round of birthday shots and a humorous cheer with the patron which was fun. No song and dance. That went a long way with the guest. Now when I served I dreaded absolutley dreaded having to do the whole song and clap train throughout the retaurant. Especially on a busy weekend night when your manager is yelling across the restaurant for "birthday singers" so now all your other guests are gonna have to suffer while everyone has to collectively get together to not only do the walk of shame to embarass your self but 9 times out of 10 embarass the person your doing it for. So I came up with an easy solution. When it was time to do the song and dance I would enthusiasticaly get everyone lined up and organized get everyone clapping get the line moving always making sure I was at the end of the line and then just peel off happily while everyone else had to do the routine. So I was THAT GUY. If a manager ever said anything I told them straight up. I do not do the birthday thing, I don't like it when I go out and I don't like having to do it. there is maybe 10% of servers that do enjoy it but I am not one of them.
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3-22-2010 @1:45PM GiGi said... Too funny! I am THAT GIRL! I'm always at the end of the line, going off to do the job I'm being paid for, which is to actually attend to my tables. The clapping, the singing....it's awful!
3-22-2010 @5:28PM Rachel said... I agree entirely with you. I myself work in a restaurant and I hate to sing it is embarrassing to me and very Corney. When I first started working at C----'s we didnt have to do a birthday song we didnt do anything for bdays and I loved it thats one of the main reasons I liked working there so much. Then about a year ago they started saying we do birthdays now. We give them a card signed by all the waitstaff they pick out a dessert off the menu and we sing to them. I only sing to my tables if another server askes me to sing I just act really busy and act like I don't have time. At least if your going to have your server sing for you the least you could do is give them more than 10 or 15% make it at least 20% they did get completely humiliated just because it was your birthday and u wanted them to sing.
3-23-2010 @6:15AM anthony dyer said... i think it is stupid that everybody in the resturaunt needs to know it is your birthday. it is so embaressing! everybody looking at you while they sing. i think birthdays should only involve the table. perhaps the birthday person should get a piece of cake and a birthday card.
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3-22-2010 @6:32AM Michelle said... I have had to be one of those clapping singers--and I and everyone I worked with hated it--many guests didn't like it either. Some corporate butthead who obviously never ate in those types of restaurants , made this crap up along with the wearing of the "bling" suspenders ,hats and pins. What the hell does any of THAT have to do with good food or service? I prefer fine dining service when I work and I try to avoid these places when I eat out.
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3-22-2010 @6:54AM karmabottle said... I abhor birthday scenes in public. I'm one of those people who prefers not to be in the spotlight, for good or for ill. This year for my 39th birthday, I had to beg my parents to please not have anyone sing at the restaurant we were in. My mom prepared to laugh, but my spouse stuck up for me and reminded her that I really didn't like that sort of thing. The waiter was relieved to bring a slice of cake (I didn't want that either, but it was a compromise).
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