Couples in the Kitchen

Valentine's Day is fast approaching, and for lots of couples that means a dinner and wine at a fancy restaurant. But for couples who work together in restaurants, it's not always so romantic . . . it's more like being Santa on Christmas Eve, working hard to make your evening special.

So how do these culinary couples keep the romance alive? What's it like working together in an environment that's notorious for cantankerous chefs, attitude and high-pressure situations? Do they ever want to kill each other? We spoke to five kitchen couples to find out.

Marc Meyer and Vicki Freeman own Five Points, Hundred Acres and Cookshop restaurants in New York City. Marc is the executive chef and Vicki runs the front of the house. They've been married 11 years ("too long" according to Marc) and have two boys.

Is it hard to separate your personal life from your professional life?
M: There is no such thing, no separation. How could it be otherwise? Who can compartmentalize that kind of thing anyway?
V: It's all mixed together.
Ever get irritated with each other?
M: (Sarcastically) Of course not!
V: We've had fights where we're not talking but you have to communicate with each other at work. As much as possible we try to not fight at work. We also have ongoing disagreements because he's back of the house and I'm front of the house. He gets mad at me like, 'Why did I seat so many people at once?' and mine is, 'Well, why couldn't you get the food out?'

How did you meet?
V: We met in the restaurant business. I hired him for the first restaurant I ever owned. I always say that I hired my husband. I thought he was cute but I put it right out of my mind. But he made the first move. He asked me out for dinner.

What's your Valentine's Day usually like?
V: It's the last day we would go out and do anything. All three restaurants are usually packed. There's so much going on. If we were at another restaurant all we would be doing would be sitting there thinking about what is going on at ours. He did once buy me an entire tree of Brussels sprouts. It was like giving me a bouquet of flowers.

Recipe: Broccoli and Chickpea Pasta

Pastry Chef Candace Nelson and co-founder Charles Nelson, of the famous Sprinkles Cupcakes of Los Angeles have been married for more than eight years. They started the business after they were wed. "I like to say I wooed my man through my baking," says Candace. In the beginning the two labored side by side in a tiny store. They were the first cupcakes-only bakery and Candace admits that people thought the idea was crazy. Now they have six other locations across the country with more opening soon and not just in the States. Paris and London will soon have Sprinkles outlets.

Did you get on each other's nerves working in such tight quarters?
Candace: I think honestly we were too exhausted to do that. It would have taken more energy. Our original store front was 500 square feet and we worked there 20 hours a day. I owned the back because I was the baker and Charles owned the front. If Charles would come into the kitchen I would shove him out because he had no idea what he was doing. It's a different story now, but back then he didn't have a clue.

Ever freeze each other out?
Charles: We're not really a couple that does a lot of fighting in general. I think that one of the reasons we work well together is that what we do is diffuse tension and anxiety through humor. So no silent treatment, that's not our style.

Any tips for couples who work together in the food industry?
Candace: I think they have to like spending time together. We like spending time together. We like each other's company. I think also having different roles helps, too. If you each have your own expertise, then each person can own their own domain.

What's your Valentine's Day like?
Candace: It's our busiest day of the year so we celebrate by working. We usually do something later.
Charles: I've never put a ring in a cupcake for Candace. We've done it for customers.
Candace: If he did that he would be accused of taking the easy road because he has so much access. He could delegate that one.

Recipe: Sprinkles Strawberry Cupcakes with Frosting

Karen and Quinn Hatfield really work side by side in the kitchen. They are both co-owners of Hatfield's restaurant in Los Angeles where Karen is the pastry chef and director of operations and Quinn is the executive chef. They have been married for almost nine years and working together for the last seven.

Ever get on each others nerves?
Q: Yeah! I would say mostly I get on her nerves. I'm a pain in the ass. You have one set of boundaries that you use with people you're not close with and another for people like your spouse, you let them see your bad side and now that's able to come out at work. There's a lot of apologizing on my side. We've had fights in front of other chefs.

What does he do that's annoying?
K: He's not annoying. He's hot tempered and irrational and I'm calm and rational. Also restaurants are not easy in general and it's kind of the standard that the general manager and the chef can often have a very tumultuous relationship. But we do get along pretty well.

Is it an aphrodisiac being married to a chef?
K: I think it's actually the working part of it. I think people underestimate how physical the job is. It's sort of like watching someone work construction. It's kind of hot when they are really in the zone.
Q: Karen's fantasy is not me spooning oysters into her mouth; it's her watching me move big pots around on the stove.
K: Not to take away his talents as a chef because he's very talented.

So you'd rather see him schlep a big pot?
K: Kind of. Dipping your bare hand into something really, really hot, or when he reaches into that flame with his bare hands and uses very heavy equipment. It's a turn on.

What's your Valentine's Day like?
Q: I think our first fight like 13 years ago was that I blew off our first Valentine's Day. I think I've been recovering from that ever since. But when you're in the restaurant business that's a busy day.
K: It's possibly the busiest day of the year.
Q: As a person who runs a business your mind is somewhere else that day.
K: But then we always have a very special moment at the end of the night when it's all over.

Ever bribe each other to give foot rubs?
K: I get a foot rub almost every night and it's never reciprocated.
Q: I get to go on a bike ride in the morning and go into work a little bit late if I give her a foot rub.

Recipe: Chocolate Amaretti Mousse

Mark and Marjorie Fuller co-own Spring Hill Restaurant & Bar in Seattle, Wash. Mark is the executive chef and Marjorie runs the front of the house. They've been together 7 1/2 years.

Had any fights that raised the staff's eyebrows?
Mark: Yeah, we've been in the office arguing and someone walks in to get something and they hear us and then they walk away.
Marjorie: I think a lot of things happen in the heat of the moment especially in restaurants and once you're through it, you're through it and you just relax.
Mark: We're pretty good at trying to defuse any tension that exists between front and back, that's because we work hard to be a team. We have a common goal to be successful in this endeavor, but yes we do get on each other's nerves.

How do you celebrate Valentine's Day?
Marjorie: Mark is busy at the restaurant so usually I tend to get adopted by friends and in the past we've gone into the restaurant and had dinner.
Mark: Sometimes we celebrate a couple of days after the fact with a nice meal at home.

Marjorie, any advice to women about to marry chefs?
Marjorie: I think you have to be patient and understand the hours are different. The reason why I'm at the restaurant more often is because otherwise I would never see Mark if I weren't working here.

Ever bribe each other?
Marjorie: We try to but it doesn't always work. I think we tried to take turns cooking at home on our days off.
Mark: We're pretty exhausted. We end up ordering pizza.

Recipe: Wood Grilled Dry-Aged Rib Steak with Pot Roast Vegetables Cured Butter and Beef Jus

Jason and Shachar Scott are co-owners of The Taco Truck which is based in Hoboken, N.J. They've only been open for five months (though they've been working on the idea for two years) and married for nine months. They work out of the truck but Shachar is not on it every day. She has another full-time job but is Taco Truck's marketing director and says, "I work on something to do with the truck every single day."

Do you not work on it together every day because otherwise you'd kill each other?
(Both laugh).
J: I think we might, especially because it's such tight quarters.

Is it difficult to find a balance?
S: We've figured out the balance. It's important to separate your relationship from the business. I think it's also important to appreciate and respect each other's roles not only in your personal life but as business partners. Through trial by fire we've figured out how to do both. It's definitely something we have to work on all the time. We're both very opinionated.

Who's the bossiest?
J: I think Shachar is.
S: I think he is. I think we both respect each other's expertise but because Jason is working on everything full time I usually defer to him.

Is that because you feel sorry for him?
S: Laughs but doesn't answer.

What were the planning months like?
J: We had sort of made a deal when I brought on one of our partners, and we were working out of the second bedroom in our apartment, that it would only be for three months. After two months, she said enough is enough.
S: Two months later I kicked him out. Of the office, not the apartment.

Do you eat Mexican every night?
J: We did for the first two months. I was bringing home tacos every night. Even though we have a great love for tacos, there comes a point where you've got to mix it up a little. But Shachar still does call me when we've finished up with work and puts in an order.

What's your Valentine's Day like?
S: Going to Vermont to play in the snow and test out new recipes!
J: Shachar is getting pico de gallo for Valentine's Day!

Recipe: Tacos de Carnitas