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I'd concur with just about every item on the list, most of which will be familiar to readers of this column. Not surprisingly, many of the gripes center on beverages, which seem to be the bane of the service biz. I was only slightly annoyed that a waitress revealed servers, who don't want to mess with the noisy, time-consuming process of mixing froufrou drinks, nearly always claim the frozen drink maker's broken; I'd hate for a customer to challenge my colleagues or me the next time we trot out that standard line.
Only a few of the touted secrets seem generated just to round out the list: I'd have serious concerns about the sanity of a server who told guests her "brother's off to war" in hopes of getting better tips, and I've never worked with anyone who would dare leave the alcohol out of a customer's cocktail.
But perhaps the story's most interesting secret isn't a secret at all: It's a question posed by Kansas City waitress Charity Ohlund, who blogs for frothygirlz.com.
In a sidebar on stereotypes, Ohlund writes, "If you are a woman who has climbed your way into the higher levels of corporate success and you are hosting a business dinner, you will not tip as well as a corporate man hosting the same style dinner. I don't know why. Please enlighten me."
Well said, Ms. Ohlund. While painful for female servers who still nurture ideals of sisterhood, it's true: Few tippers are stingier than professional women dining out with men. Exceptions to the rule are remarkably rare. That's why servers dread certain convention traffic, and always steer the check presenter away from the lone woman at a table.
I wish I could do the enlightening here, but I have no idea what causes female bigwigs to under-tip. Has the wage gap left them that much poorer than their fellow execs with y-chromosomes? Are they trying to prove they can mistreat women as well as their male peers? I sincerely hope that's not the case.
What do you think? Is Ohlund's assessment on the mark? And is there a valid reason why women tend to be the least reliable tippers at the table?
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12-04-2009 @11:08AM Dave said... "..reminded restaurant-goers that it's not OK to let your shy kid order for himself on a busy night...or leave a compliment instead of a cash tip."
Either of those things is perfectly ok. A tip is a gratuity. It should NOT be expected. If it is mandatory, it should be on the menu. And if I want to let my shy kid order, why shouldn't I be able to? Honestly, this sense of entitlement you've got around what people may and may not do is really off-putting.
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12-31-2009 @11:23AM server said... Dave,
Obviously you have never been a server. Tips are part of a server's wage. They do NOT get paid minimum wage to start out with, and are expected to make up the difference with their tips. While some experiences do not merit a very good tip, a compliment is NOT form of payment if you had a good experience.
As for "A tip is a gratuity. It should NOT be expected. If it is mandatory, it should be on the menu."
Being expected and being mandatory are two separate things. Restaurants do not check to make sure you tip before you leave. And a server knows if they do not deserve a good tip. If your experience is not what you expected, chances are many things beyond their control happened or you are way too picky to please. You are not their only table. And if you can go out and spend money on service, you should be able to spare an extra 15 percent. Seriously.
12-04-2009 @11:26AM 54 said... while i'm not exactly what you might call a bigwig, i know for a fact that i always tip much better than my male coworkers/dining companions/friends. i always have and it hasn't changed as i've been promoted. most of the other women i know are the same way. perhaps it has more to do with the field of business than gender?
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12-04-2009 @11:40AM sue said... Dave, a compliment instead of a tip? Are employees in other fields expected to accept compliments instead of a salary as well? I would think it a little bizarre that one would offer a compliment for the service and then offer no tip - mixed signals, no?
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12-04-2009 @11:52AM Tracy said... I am not a bigwig but I am a female that normally tips 20 - 30% of the entire check including tax and I am sick of having servers treat me different because I am female and sterotypically a bad tipper. When I really get annoyed by that attitude you get a bad tip. Maybe its the servers automatically assuming and treating females different that is causing the smaller tip. Fawn over men and treat women differently, get the tip you deserve.
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12-04-2009 @11:57AM ESC said... Dave, a tip is expected - it's part of the server's salary. In countries in Europe, I'm told it's automatically included on the bill. In America, I've noticed it's included on the bill for larger parties, or if you are dining using a coupon. Otherwise, it's up to you to tip. It's not "entitlement." And frankly, I find people who feel that tipping is optional "off putting." I hope I never have the displeasure of eating out with you!
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12-04-2009 @2:09PM Dave said... A tip is absolutely NOT a part of a servers salary. It's a gratuity. A gratuity is a voluntary show of appreciation for a job well done. The customer is under absolutely not obligation to tip.
I can think of exactly 1 time I failed to tip a server, and he deserved everything he got. I would never suggest that someone offer a compliment in lieu of a tip - however, if someone chose to go down that road, that person would be well within their rights.
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12-04-2009 @2:22PM LinC said... I agree with Tracy. I think that bad tipping by a woman is probably because of bad service. If the server has an attitude about women paying the bill, that attitude with quite possibly show in the service, leading to the lower tip. A self-fulfilling prophecy!
Of course the server will never think it's their fault. (That's evident from this series of blog posts.)
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12-04-2009 @3:41PM domynoe said... Dave, did you know that in many places (and this is par for the course in Georgia, as I recently discovered) waitresses/waiters do NOT receive minimum wage. In Georgia the going rate is $2.50/hour. the restaurant expects tips to pull the total earned up to that minimum wage. So, no, giving a compliment instead of a tip is NOT okay.
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12-04-2009 @3:51PM Tia said... I think I vote for bad service, too. There is nothing more irritating or demeaning than being ignored BECAUSE YOU'RE A WOMAN despite having made it clear that you are the host here.
"That's why servers dread certain convention traffic, and always steer the check presenter away from the lone woman at a table."
This is an excellent example. If you are the lone woman at the table, you have had quite a fight to get there. If you're hosting but the server insists on treating you as if you were merely there for decoration, you'd be pissed off, too. It's happened to me once, fortunately not at a work lunch, but I found it intensely insulting and it showed in my tipping.
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12-04-2009 @4:15PM Dana said... According to Webster's, a gratuity or tip is " something given voluntarily or beyond obligation usually for some service". It's entirely up to the customer to decide how much, if antyhing, is given. As most wait staff do get tips, the government will allow reduced salaries or heavier taxation. But ultimately, it's up to the server to create an atmosphere where the client is willing to give that extra. It is absolutely not an obligation on the part of the diner. If it were, it would indeed be part of the menu.
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12-04-2009 @5:09PM Irina said... I think we are past the point of voluntary. If you dont wanna tip, dont go out to eat. Simple. Eating out is a voluntary thing and if someone has to bring your ass food and drinks, when neither of your arms are broken, then you should tip them.
As someone who was a waitress, I never treated women differently. I always gave the same respect to women as men and would expect the same treatment in return. Waiters and waitresses bust their asses all day and for people to say that its voluntary obviously have never had the pleasure of dealing with customers.
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12-04-2009 @5:15PM Person said... I hate to get in on a little tip spat, which are inevitably ugly and usually a result of anything being said being considered an insult. But, well, I'm doing it.
Dave: Yes, you are not under any obligation to tip. No, you will not be arrested. But it's the social and karmic equivalent of slamming a door in the face of someone coming behind you.
domynoe is right. You don't get minimum wage in most states. In fact, I've never heard of a server or bartender receiving minimum wage. If a server pays taxes on meals served and not tips received it is not unheard of to leave at the end of the night owing money.
Hanna, I didn't notice this when I was in the industry, but now that I work in the business world I notice it all the time (to my mortification).
(I did notice that you will not get a tip from the French, and you will get 10% from Southerners. There are exceptions, as you noted, to this rule just like any other rule.)
Tom Robbins wrote about this phenomena in Skinny Legs and All. He said it was because women feel that they could be in the position of a waitress at the drop of a hat and they avoid them the way we avoid talking about death.
My own theory is somewhat like that. I think people in the business world in general don't consider waiting tables "work" and they feel that servers are taking advantage of them. Women, who have to work so much harder than men to become successful in business, feel all the more superior.
I assure you, waiting tables was about five times harder than what I do right now without the respect, the lunch breaks or the paid vacations.
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12-04-2009 @5:55PM sue said... Apparently, the police officers in this story think you HAVE to pay a tip:
http://consumerist.com/2009/11/college-students-arrested-for-refusing-to-pay-tip.html
The charges were eventually dropped thought.
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12-05-2009 @1:23AM Ribeye of your Dreams said... "Person", thank you. Thank you for saying in your comment what I hadn't yet said - people who haven't served truly don't know just how damn hard it is.
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12-05-2009 @1:39AM Ribeye of your Dreams said... This is my 2nd attempt at posting my "longer" comment, so here goes.
First off, I am a server - have been a server going on 14 years now. Based on that, I'm clearly going to have a different opinion on some of this stuff.
Dave - You're never going to find anyone in the restaurant industry (past or current) to agree with your point of view. Yes, "technically" tipping is not mandatory. However, until restaurants decide or are forced to pay their servers actual wages, you're going to have to understand that a tip is expected; it's plain and simply put part of our wage. We rely on it.
Anyone who has the nerve to think that "bigwig" women, or even women with kids, tend to leave the worst tips are truly ignorant of the way the world works. To put it simply, the more lower class black women (aka the loud, ghetto acting ones), based on experience, are those that tip the least. As racist as that sounds, I must say that it's definitely not all black women, as I've gotten INCREDIBLE tips from some of my black ladies, however they are the ones who aren't trash, aren't complaining about everything and generally don't want to be around those who reenforce the bad stereotypes.
As for the "broken blender" theory, while "Michelle" and the others that Readers Digest got information from might say/think that it's normal, far more often we only lie about being out of ice cream for milk shakes. Frozen drinks aren't a big deal to make, I've bartended and really don't mind making them. We just get tired of having them sent back because they taste weak or the person doesn't think it's got liquor in it. They're made so you can't taste the liquor, thats the reason! As for their weakness, with so much ice (aka water), it's gonna be weak! Water slows alcohol absorption. Based on that, we're more likely to try and talk you into something else, at least then we've warned you and can refuse to take the "weak" frozen drink off the bill when you whine!
If you hate me now, just wait till you see my site.
http://www.ragingserver.com
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12-05-2009 @2:44AM Geena said... I wish they'd just up the price on the menu items and pay servers ACTUAL minimum wage already instead of this $2 something/hr nonsense. Then again, most servers would likely earn LESS in the end without the knowledge/guilt-trip of their current lousy pay-rate if tipping really was a gratuity. I've tipped for some seriously BAD service out of pity far too many times.
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12-05-2009 @3:08AM Megan said... "Well said, Ms. Ohlund. While painful for female servers who still nurture ideals of sisterhood, it's true: Few tippers are stingier than professional women dining out with men. Exceptions to the rule are remarkably rare. That's why servers dread certain convention traffic, and always steer the check presenter away from the lone woman at a table."
I hate when some women pull this business of "Oh, you aren't embracing sisterhood if you don't overlook my poor behavior." Sorry, if you are a crappy server, you deserve a crappy tip. You don't get to pull the "but we're all women" card.
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12-05-2009 @6:49AM Ribeye of your Dreams said... Geena, unless the gratuity was included in your bill because of being in a large party, you shouldn't tip for really bad service!
However, speaking as a server, there are some of us out there who take pride in what we do and try to our utmost to give great service at all times (though I have no issue whatsoever responding to disrespect in kind as anyone who's read my site knows).
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12-05-2009 @6:50AM Ribeye of your Dreams said... Geena, unless the gratuity was included in your bill because of being in a large party, you shouldn't tip for really bad service!
However, speaking as a server, there are some of us out there who take pride in what we do and try to our utmost to give great service at all times (though I have no issue whatsoever responding to disrespect in kind as anyone who's read my site knows).
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