'The Next Iron Chef' - The Thrill of Victory, the Agony of Jeffrey

Last night, the gloves came off in the battle for "Iron Chef" supremacy -- or rather, Jeffrey Steingarten's glasses came off. On the surface, this short, quick season has been building to a mano-a-mano showdown, between polarizing pastry master Jehangir Mehta and whomever rose to challenge him, in this case, ultra nice-guy Jose Garces.

But while they toiled over hot flames, under boiling klieg lights and in the haze of the prerequisite "Iron Chef" fog machine, we were watching the season's real battle come to a head: That's right, the one between behind the judges table, between haughty diva Donatella Arpaia and the toad-like food critic Steingarten.

If you've paid attention over the past few weeks, you've noticed the increasingly bitchy cat fights, the dismissive hand waves, and the incessant eye-rolling -- from both sides. But last night it reached a fever pitch.

If you thought these two could make it through a tuxedo-and-evening-dress finale without going for each other's jugulars, you were wrong. They couldn't even get through the initial round of the critique. It all started with Arpaia taking umbrage at Steingarten's comment that Mehta's buffalo steak in chocolate-wine sauce was too sweet, which in turn prompted a tongue-lashing: "Don't you criticize me!" Steingarten snapped.

A little later, Arpaia's complaint about "major cartilage chunks!" in Garces' carnitas taco suggests that she hasn't eaten at a taco truck anytime recently, a point which Steingarten was quick to ridicule: "I like that part of it, but if you're surprised by it, then it's obviously not done." Then again, judging by the way the camera captured Steingarten eating -- mowing down food and dropping pieces all around him -- he has no trouble chowing through gristly bits.

With all this in-fighting, the best that Anya Fernald, the smart but soft-spoken judge number three, could do is sit back and wait for Alton Brown to call on her for her opinion. Who can blame her? Given his proximity, Steingarten's likely to spit out his food on her.

Of course, all of this was a distraction from the real fight. Although as "Iron Chef" challenges go, this one -- representing America's "melting pot" with a variety of "ribs and racks" as surprise main ingredients -- was admittedly so far-reaching and vague, it allowed Mehta and Garces to each play up their own clichés: Mehta as the playfully devious innovator, and Garces as the mostly traditional, jack-of-all-trades kind of technical whiz.

Sure, through tricky editing, Mehta has achieved villain status. To some extent, he's invited it. With his sleek profile, meted tone of voice and laser-like gaze, he suggests nothing so much as a sentient killer robot. And he's routinely managed to find little ways to undermine his peers -- hoarding ingredients, hogging appliances -- that, while mostly insignificant, still manage to perturb.

But his food, while sometimes gimmicky and overdressed, is mostly unimpeachable. He's consistently crafted dishes that merge traditional Indian flavors -- saffron, coriander, mango -- with haute cuisine flair. Last night was no exception.

Among his courses: A spare rib drenched in yogurt sauce sat atop saffron rice pulao, not the first of his dishes to be described as intriguing for everything but its main ingredient. And despite his noted tendency toward overly sweet food, he couldn't help but get out the ice cream machine again for an avocado confection that was daubed onto a lovely pile of bison tartare -- a combo so good it prompted the uncouth Michael Symon to scoop it off of Bobby Flay's plate.

Meanwhile, Garces makes the kind of food you could imagine washing down with a nice lager: smart, hearty, spicy takes on Latin-American street food, or, at his most conventional, gastropub staples like spare ribs. While Mehta's plates seemed a little ashamed of all the meat on display -- mitigating them with numerous little geometric vegetable garnishes -- Garces was downright proud of all the beef and buffalo he broke down at the beginning of the show. His cuts of pork loin were thick and blushing with perfect doneness.

But if Garces brought his A-game in terms of prep last night, the judges and former "Iron Chef" winners were at odds on his ingenuity. Arpaia, who's more than once stood up for Garces in front of Steingarten, seemed so put off by his carnitas taco that she railed against his "boring" spread.

We'll give them this much: All the arguing had us convinced that the verdict could go either way. So when the veil was lifted and Garces' smiling mug shot proclaimed him the winner, we were a bit relieved, although weirdly disappointed, that it wasn't evil genius Mehta. For one, Garces is just too calm, cool and down-to-earth to live up to Brown's exclamation that Iron Chefs aren't just any old fry cook: "They're idols! They're gods!" Don't get carried away, Alton.

Mehta certainly seems like an idol, although some may argue a false one. When the dust settled, his comments were cryptic, coded. "You must never think that the staircase only takes you down," he said, explaining that he can, um, go up as well. It's safe to say that after getting a heaping helping of his personality this season, even in "Iron Chef" defeat, we should expect to see plenty more of Mehta in the coming months.