'Top Chef Vegas' - And Then There Were Five

Come back, Natalie! O, Nigella, where art thou? After a couple of heavy-hitting, sweeps-month episodes, last night's "Top Chef" was, well, a little subdued.

With the albatross that was Robin finally gone, and five not-quite-equal cheftestants left, the mysteries left in the season are few. Will Jen get her mojo back? Will the brothers Voltaggio go at each other's throats, like we've been hoping they would all season? Will snarky Toby Young disappear for good, already?

Instead of high tension, we got slow-burn dread and buttoned-down critiques, not to mention portentous montages of the chefs getting dressed, sleeping, or, in the case of Kevin, hanging rosary beads around his neck.

Dedicating the whole episode to the legendary Bocuse d'Or cooking competition didn't help: As much as the thought of a contest specializing in meat-wrapped-in-meat-wrapped-in-meat sets our arteries aflutter, the results were almost so nouvelle, they pained us in a different way.

Last night was so steeped in formality, we half-expected the judges to be wearing powdered wigs. The 12 folks gathered to critique the platters of protein proffered up from Kevin, Bryan, Michael, Jen and Eli, were well-versed in the minutiae of presentation and the ways of the Bocuse, but if you were looking for colorful, descriptive language that made you feel as if you could taste the food up on the screen, you'd have to look elsewhere.

Even "flavor king" Kevin, despite earning near-universal praise for his lamb loin poached in olive oil, was not immune from the nit-picking. "It's a little elementary," French Laundry god Thomas Keller commented.

If the intent was to announce that we have entered a new phase of "Top Chef" excellence, however, mission accomplished. In fact, the judging was so exacting, Tom Colicchio felt the need to give all five chefs a complimentary round of hosannas, not once but twice before episode's end.

Chief among the praiseworthy was down-in-the-dumps Jen, whose performance the last few weeks has been an oft-mentioned cause for concern, but whose winning Quickfire dish -- salmon wrapped in calamari wrapped in scallops -- earned a haughty "welcome back" from Padma upon first taste. So emboldened, Jen proceeded to make a fine showing in the mock-Bocuse d'Or competition later, serving up a slow-cooked salmon that, while awkwardly sliced and, depending on the portion, undercooked, had a commendable flavor profile.

On the utterly predictable side of things was Eli and his lamb-sausage wrapped around undercooked lamb loin and rolled in pistachios, in which he showed no pride before rolling it out to the table. To hear the French-cuisine experts tell it, nothing's worse than rare lamb fat, that is, unless your piece was as uneven and hacked up as Tom's. His elimination was all but sealed from there.

If there was a plot twist in the "Top Chef" script last night, it was pouty bad-boy Michael's lackluster showing: Not only did he misinterpret the Quickfire challenge, but his main challenge dish of salmon with crab and zucchini -- with cauliflower, caviar and cucumber and about 20 other ingredients -- ended up being as unfocused and flavor-confused as it was pretty. For once, his grousing about Kevin's hearty, simple dishes -- "the food I cook on my day off" -- was utterly misplaced, especially when Kevin eventually took home the title.

By now a Kevin win is about as shocking as the daily unemployment report, but the "Top Chef" editors at least tried to give us some dramatic irony along the way. Unfamiliar with the hoity-toity techniques the Voltaggio brothers are so fond of, Kevin asked Bryan for his advice in using the vacuum-immersion contraption, which he reluctantly gave. And wouldn't you know it? When Bryan and Kevin ended up being the clear front-runners, that little bit of friendly advice probably gave Kevin the edge.

Bryan was almost philanthropic about the matter: "If I shut 'em down, I'm more of a prick," he said of his openness. "My brother might not have done the same thing."

If the finale ends up being a Kevin/Michael showdown, then that comment might be even more prophetic.