'Chef Academy': It's All About 'Zee Test!'

by Michael Thomas Hastings, Posted Nov 17th 2009 @ 5:30PM

Jean Christophe Novelli. Photo: Bravo

Apparently, someone at Bravo decided they needed their very own Gordon Ramsay. And he needed to be, you know, sexy.

We know this, because on the series premiere of "Chef Academy," we were reminded about 20 times within the first 15 minutes of French chef-extraordinaire Jean Christophe Novelli's tall, dark and smarmy good looks. First by his right-out-of-central-casting flamboyant personal assistant, then by the contestants, then by the reference to a New York Times' survey naming him "The World's Sexiest Chef."

Personally, we think he looks like a cross between "Charles in Charge"-era Scott Baio and an aging Jon Lovitz, but beauty is in the eye of the network, apparently. What struck us most in this inaugural hour was "Chef Academy"'s weird mix of elements. Cooking-competition program, ridiculous-amateur freakshow and yuppie lifestyle catalog all converged to give Monday night's premiere one of those "Is this thing going to last?" vibes that it couldn't quite shake. To quote one of the student-contestants, "This isn't 'Top Chef'!" Don't we know it.

But as a "Land of Misfit Chefs"-sort of version of the same, it may prove to be -- and we can't believe we're saying this -- compulsively watchable nonetheless. After an embarrassing intro setting up Jean Christophe and his very pregnant wife into some swank digs in the tony Abbot-Kinney neighborhood of Venice, Calif., we got down to the business of berating some hopefuls while they attempted to cook an egg. Little did we know nearly all of the folks, no matter how dire their omelets, would be joining Jean Christophe in his new academy. (Bravo must be short on cash for contestant tryouts.)

Among his pupils: Suzanne, the ditzy, silicon-enhanced O.C. housewife; Zoe, the lovely, polished culinary school-grad who seems more like she's trying to break into acting; and the indistinguishable bald-headed guys, both named Kyle, one of whom was in the Navy. All seemed well-coached in the ways of reality TV: "Be quirky! Be menacing! Be beautiful!" In subsequent weeks, they will no doubt add "Be arrogant!" to their repertoires.

For most of the hour, though, "Chef Academy" merely had us leaning closer to the TV in an attempt to hear the English under Jean Chrisophe's Pepé Le Pew accent. Consulting his students about his philosophies as a Chef, he advised them to pay attention to "zee test, zee tayxtoor, zee veesooals!" That's "taste, texture and visuals," in case you, too, couldn't follow.

Add this to his proclivity for comparing everything to an old TV show -- "Bewitched" and "Columbo" are among Jean Christophe's limited cultural touchpoints for America -- and he makes for one grating host. If we keep watching, it'll be for the goofballs enrolled in the so-called Chef Academy, and not their leader. But as long as he's around, Bravo, could you order up some more subtitles?

Filed Under: Television/Film
Tags: chef academy, chef academy recap, ChefAcademy, ChefAcademyRecap, jean christophe novelli, JeanChristopheNovelli

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Reader comments (Page 1 of 1)

11-18-2009 @3:55PM DD said... I recorded this just out of curiosity, but I have to say I'm ready to keep watching for the Columbo imitations alone. I hope Suzanne makes it for at least a little while, because I think she's going to provide a lot of entertainment.

I nearly died of laughter when the one woman said she really liked Suzanne because she's "a big Dolly Parton fan."
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