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But over the course of an average evening, I'll usually encounter at least a half-dozen diners who have a very different sense of what it means to be done. These eaters -- and I'm using the term loosely here -- push back from the table after taking a few dainty bites. While every restaurant-goer is entitled to enjoy a meal in his or her own way, the under-attacked plate puts the server in a rather awkward spot.
Hard as it is for vocal diners to imagine, there are plenty of customers who are shy about saying their steak's overcooked or potato was served cold. Their untouched plates are very tactful cries for help, which is why I never whisk a still-full plate away without asking whether everything was OK.
The problem is, sometimes everything is OK, except that the diner has an eating disorder. Or was just dumped by the guy sitting across from her. Or sensed a case of swine flu coming on. Not only are guests understandably reluctant to talk about such things, they often seem to resent my posing the question.
I'm sympathetic, if only because my finished plates fall on the opposite end of the spectrum -- I'm one of those eaters who not only devours all the food I've been served, I sop up the sauce and swallow the garnish.
Perhaps because I've robbed my servers of the opportunity to say "Are you all finished here?," a startling number of them instead resort to patently inappropriate comments along the lines of "Guess you were hungry!" or "We have a dishwasher, you know."
I can't fathom why a server would imply a female customer -- or any customer -- eats too much. But such remarks are apparently a standard part of many servers' repertoires, since my guests who've cleaned their plates almost always greet me with a jokey-but-defensive "I didn't like it at all," as if they sensed a mean-spirited jab was just around the corner.
It took me years of eating out before I finally heard a server say the right thing when she noticed there was nothing left on my plate: She asked me whether she could bring me anything else. As someone who frequently orders an appetizer or salad after an unsatisfying entrée, I'm amazed by how few servers seize the opportunity to up my tab -- and make sure I'm well-fed.
What do you think? Should a server ever comment on how much (or how little) you ate?
| Yes | |
|---|---|
| Maybe | |
| No |
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11-16-2009 @3:28PM foxdude0486 said... This post confuses me. I hardly ever get comments like that from a server, whether I finish my plate clean, or leave it half full of food. Some days I'm just not able to eat as much. Others I was. Most people I've eaten with tend to leave comments out of the way as well unless it's good, or the food they had truly had a problem, but at most it's just an upset tone of voice, and not a badmouthed comment about the server.
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11-16-2009 @3:30PM Holly said... The server should only comment if the diner left almost all the food on his/her plate, which would make it obvious something was wrong with the dish. In which case, the server needs to amend the situation by offering an alternative. Otherwise, a person should not be made uncomfortable by how much or how little they ate.
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11-16-2009 @3:32PM amanda said... If about half a diner's meal remains when they are finished, the server should ask if they want it wrapped up to go. If the diner says no, the server should ask if there was anything wrong with the food. If the diner is in fact feeling unwell or is having too emotional of a conversation to keep eating, all they need say is, "Oh no, it was just fine, thanks" and move on. I can't usually eat a full order at a restaurant, but sometimes realize that what I had ordered will not reheat well and decide that I don't need to be eating creamy garlic pasta leftovers the next day anyway.
It's otherwise quite inappropriate to note the amount of food a person has consumed, but at the same time, a great many people eat inappropriately quickly, messily, or ungracefully. In my head, I AM commenting on how much they ate -- or rather HOW they ate it -- so the misanthrope in me would just love to see a server call someone out on it.
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11-18-2009 @11:24AM Cyn said... If there is food left, offer me a to-go container.
If there isn't, ask if I want anything else.
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11-16-2009 @4:06PM Lorenzo said... The only comments I am comfortable hearing from a server on this score are "was the food alright?", "can I wrap that up for you?", and "can I get you anything else?". That covers the possibilities, without any commentary on my eating style, that meal, or in general.
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11-16-2009 @4:27PM Tracy said... I leave the food untouched because sometimes the food just sucks or the meat is still bleeding on the plate when I ask for medium well. I can't eat it if it isn't right but I also hate sending things back because you hear so many nasty servers who get pissed at the extra work and then possibly mess with your food. Also, I don't want my food redone so that I get it when everyone else at the table is already done. Unless the server made an error and brought the wrong thing I don't fault them or tip them less I blame it on the kitchen and probably won't go back.
Even when my meal is perfect it is rare that I can eat everything served to me. The portions are usually huge. I eat until I am full and really don't feel compelled to eat everything that someone else portioned out to them.
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11-16-2009 @4:49PM Jessie said... I get comments about this all the time, because I've had weightloss surgery, and can sometimes only manage a few bites of my dinner. It doesn't mean it wasn't fabulous, and it doesn't mean I didn't enjoy it - it just means if I ate anymore, I'd be throwing up in the bathroom because I can't fit it into my stomach. I always feel uncomfortable about it, because servers make a big fuss, and I have to say over and over that I'm really fine, and I just need to bring it home and eat it later.
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11-17-2009 @6:21AM Alex said... I'm reasonably slim and nothing annoys me more than when ANYONE comments on how much I eat.
If I were a fat person scarfing down a piece of cake no one would ever say "I don't think you should be eating that, love" yet for some reason how much, or how little, I've eaten very often appears to be fair game.
I'm with Amanda, if at least half of the food has been eaten, then no comment required. If it's barely been touched, then it is worth a waiter asking if everything was OK.
If a lot of food is left on the
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11-17-2009 @11:23AM Jen said... I am skinny and extremely petite, and physically, I can only eat about half of a standard restaurant meal portion on an empty stomach. If there are appetizers, I'll eat even less of my actual meal. Generally, servers just ask if everything was ok, and I say yes and ask for a box... but I've gotten several stupid comments from servers who imply that I must be anorexic because half the meal was left on the plate.
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11-17-2009 @12:39PM Dre said... I'm with FoxDude: I can't think of a restaurant at which this happened to me. Sometimes I finish an entire plate, other times I leave some scraps on the side. A bus boy or server comes and asks "may I take that?" or "would you like to take that home?" Usually the server returns and asks, "save any room for dessert?" or "can I get you the dessert menu?"
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11-17-2009 @4:52PM Numb said... Holy crap I actually agree with Hanna on something! "Can I get you anything else?" is probably the best response to a hardly touched plate. Additionally, because diet and weight are such touchy subjects (on both sides of the spectrum), there really shouldn't be any jokes made in regards to the amount remaining or consumed.
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11-20-2009 @1:36PM Eric Tsuei said... Agreed.
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