Photo: Matti Mattila, Flickr.
New York Times blogger Bruce Buschel has done a great service by compiling a list of 100 Things Restaurant Staffers Should Never Do – if nothing else, he's given fed-up diners one more forum in which to vent their ever-mounting aggravations. Thanks for the break, Bruce.
Most diners and servers would stand behind the majority of Buschel's prescriptions, which include not cursing (Rule 45), opening Champagne without making a ruckus (Rule 29) and knowing what the bar stocks (Rule 81). But his list is far from perfect. While Buschel's document would make a fine training manual for butlers, it fails to acknowledge the realities of running a restaurant. Here's what Buschel apparently forgot:
Some things are beyond a server's control.
One of Buschel's first recommendations (Rule 4) is to offer a free drink to someone who's had to wait a long time for a table. "The guest may be hungry and thirsty," he explains. May be? I think it's a safe assumption that anyone who shows up at a restaurant is craving food and drink. But I don't know of a single server who's empowered to start giving that stuff away.
The same goes for Rule 23, which insists diners be alerted to 86'd items before they open their menus. Since the hostess usually drops off menus when she seats a table, cutting her off would require Usian Bolt-speed (and necessitate breaking Rule 33 – Do not bang into chairs or tables.)
Hostesses, of course, should brief diners on which items are no longer available. But often they don't, just as the kitchen often turns out the first appetizer on a ticket a full 12 minutes before the second appetizer is ready. I completely agree that servers should "bring all the appetizers at the same time" (Rule 60), but I won't let a tray of raw oysters sit in the window while a new guy struggles to properly heat a dish of crab dip.
Servers aren't robots.
A server's job description encompasses far more than just delivering and clearing plates. As even Buschel acknowledges in Rule 52 ("Know your menu inside and out"), servers should function as knowledgeable escorts, unobtrusively guiding you through the eating-out experience. That's why I hope Buschel will seriously consider scrubbing Rule 10 ("Do not interject your personal favorites when explaining the specials"). Servers are the only people in the whole world who have tasted that night's special, and customers count on them to deliver an honest verdict. Is the lamb phenomenal? Do tell.
Restaurants are shared spaces.
There are all sorts of things that happen in public dining rooms that would be absolutely unacceptable in a private home. If my mother blasted Kenny G during Thanksgiving dinner, say, I'd have the volume turned down before the cranberry sauce even made it to the table.
In a restaurant context, though, Buschel's contention that servers should change the music upon request (Rule 91) makes no sense. Unless you're dining at one of those kitschy retro diners where there's a mini jukebox on every table, you're stuck listening to whatever the manager -- not, please note, the servers -- selects.
Buschel's edict that incomplete parties should always be sat (Rule 4) poses the same problem. That's fine if you're a member of the unfinished four-top, but doesn't work out so well for other diners. Since most tables won't order until every member of the group has arrived, seating a few people at a time puts a perfectly good table out of commission for an extra 45 minutes – at best.
A few of Buschel's other decrees are just strange (has anyone ever really resented their server for complimenting their hairdo, as Rule 42 maintains?). And there's certainly a bit of naïveté behind Rule 23, which says that if a guest likes a bottle of wine, the server should then steam off its label for presentation. A server doing an arts-and-crafts project is a reliable sign of a seriously troubled restaurant.
Still, Buschel's list isn't bad. As a server, I applaud any attempt to codify what we do. I'm just not taking responsibility for the radio.
What do you think of the 100 Rules? Did Buschel miss anything? Tell us in the comments!
11-06-2009 @4:13PM Beth said... I can understand Rule 42. "Do not compliment a guest’s attire or hairdo or makeup. You are insulting someone else." You left off that last important part. Once a host at a restaurant complimented my dress, and the friend I was with was infuriated and jealous, and it soured the evening. Although, I do believe that the fellow was drunk... maybe that's Rule 100? Don't serve while tipsy?
But yeah, some of these rules seem pretty strange... I've dined at some very swanky places in L.A., and no one ever steamed off my wine bottle label, and I wasn't pissed about that. Who is this guy? Gael Greene?
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11-06-2009 @4:25PM Beth said... Oh my gosh, and I'm sorry for commenting twice, but I must have missed Rule 93 the first time around. "Do not play brass — no brassy Broadway songs, brass bands, marching bands, or big bands that feature brass, except a muted flugelhorn." EXCEPT A MUTED FLUGELHORN!?! That kills me. Maybe this list is satire...
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11-06-2009 @4:37PM amanda said... I'm a fan of rule 42 (not complimenting a patron's hair, etc.). I've had servers hit on me -- some subtly and some rather aggressively. It's not flattering. It's creepy and makes you feel like you're on show for a stalker that you can't shake off.
If inappropriate flirting isn't part of the equation, it's still a poor idea as it just comes off as insincere. Have you ever entered a clothing store and had the greeter gush over your purse, shoes, or what have you? Linger near the door a minute and you'll find that they repeat this for half the people who enter the store in order to butter them up. It's a sales tactic, not a compliment.
I'm also a fan of rule 92 (adjusting the music). I'm not talking about making requests as if you server is the DJ. I once commented to a waiter that the music's bass seemed particularly heavy; he checked, and someone had in fact cranked it all the way up. There was a collective sigh of relief as water glasses stopped vibrating. If a song is too loud, aggressive, or the lyrics are inappropriate for the crowd, why wouldn't you mention it to your server?
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11-06-2009 @6:28PM Jen said... The part that seems to be lost on everyone is that these are rules Buschel is writing up for *his own restaurant.* It seems to go without saying then, that his waiters will have the support of the management to execute those rules.
They won't be pushed to turn tables at all costs (waiting until a full party has arrived before seating them), they'll have some latitude to give away free food and drink when warranted, and they'll throw out the oysters that have been sitting out for 12 minutes if the kitchen didn't have their $h*t together enough to put them up at the same time as the crab dip.
I have to say as a diner, and former server, I appreciate every single one of his rules, and wish more restaurant management made it possible for servers to follow them.
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11-06-2009 @6:46PM Jon Davies said... I have many thoughts on the matter (as I work in the industry), but think it wise to direct you to my favorite video blog right now - a waiter on YouTube who says what so many of us in the industry think and feel.
http://www.youtube.com/user/YourDailyTip
Whereas Buschel teaches waiters how to do their job better (at least in his eyes), this waiter teaches people how to be better customers, and what to look out for when they are dining. He's funny, nice, angry, cute, bitter, and charming!
I've seen his channel grow in a matter of months from 20 subscribers to over 650... but I would like to see it grow even more. He deserves it, I think!
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11-07-2009 @9:07AM Sal said... The first time someone asked me to steam the label off of a wine bottle, I had no idea what they were talking about. I promptly scrubbed the label off, then brought them the bare bottle. They looked at me a little weird after that.
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11-07-2009 @11:30AM cathy said... I'm not a fan of the overly chatty waiter or waitress, that comes back every two minutes thereby interrupting your conversation . I know they are trying to be on top of things but often it is just annoying. I'm also not fond of the type that sound like they have memorized everything they are saying including their own names. Kind of like a robot phone call. http://newsy1.wordpress.com
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11-09-2009 @8:04AM Jackie said... YES, finally someone who also understands that his article pertains to HIS own restaurant. I went out to eat this evening, and having spent several years as a server myself, I found that I tend to be overly disappointed in restaurants each time I go out. I was seated without being greeted by host with more than a dull, uninterested "How many". Eventually my server showed up, but not before I noticed her chatting away casually with other employees and not being on task. She was hasty, and asked for our entire meal order at first. I prefer and feel it is appropriate to order your drink, then an appetizer and meal, once having appropriate time to review the menu. We had salads BEFORE our appetizer, and NO silverware on the table. Then another server, who did the "running around like the kitchen's on fire" thing, basically slung our appetizer plate onto the table from a few steps away, and as we asked for silver, she rushed off without acknowledging us once. Our appetizer looked like it had already been at our table, it was a mess. Our meals took a long time, and after our server realized we were displeased, she hovered around with the water pitcher. She never asked if we wanted dessert, and overall wasn't very friendly. OH I forgot to add that the "fire in the kitchen" woman nearly knocked me over with a tray of drinks, and proceeded to rudely scoff "Excuse ME". This experience leads me to desire establishing my own restaurant one day. The article of rules that he has written, are in strong comparison with all the rules I would uphold in my own place of business. Servers can still be entertaining while being appropriate and classy. End of my rant, though I could just go on and on here.
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