Brian Boitano at breakfast. Photo: Food Network

So pop culture has come to this: A former figure skater perhaps best known for being a goofily ironic punchline to a "South Park" song has his own show -- and it's a cooking show. Die-hard foodies, take note: "What Would Brian Boitano Make?" is not for you.

This is not to say it operates at Sandra Lee levels of non-cooking: At no point does Brian (whom we interviewed) crack open a packet of supermarket taco seasoning for some zing or create a lush tablescape out of freshly raked autumn leaves. But it is, shall we say, a little on the frothy side for anyone wanting to learn the proper way to braise a quail. (Though the guy sure knows how to strain his juices for a mango-tini.)

No, this is one of those "lifestyle" shows the Food Network is so adept at churning out -- more tailored to the host's persona and his or her niche than anything else. And to judge by the first episode, Brian's self-professed niche would be San Franciscan guys who like to entertain their single girlfriends, prepare fussy little crudités and "ride bikes on rainbows!"

Brian is about as buttoned-down as a peacock in mating season. And as such, "WWBBM?" is loaded with more funny accents, cutesy asides and animated sequences than an episode of "Teletubbies." If we never have to witness a mock-horror movie of Brian being chased by a giant goat cheese monster again, it'll be too soon.

As for the food, it's the usual assortment of polenta squares, nut-covered goat cheese balls and fruity cocktails you spy on most lifestyle shows. Hell, the Food Network's own Ted Allen did a more creative job of setting the table when he was on "Queer Eye", which, with its combination of tips and sass, was this show's most obvious antecedent.

But given some time -- and a little less overzealous spunkiness -- who knows? Maybe Brian will surprise us.