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Hanna Raskin's first waitressing job was at a small Greek diner in Michigan. In the 15 years since, she's worked at a chop suey joint in Mississippi, an exclusive Arizonan country club, a vegetarian eatery and an Irish pub. She currently picks up odd shifts at a seafood eatery in the North Carolina mountains, where she cracks crab legs for helpless tourists. This is the ninth in a series of posts.
Server discretion, like sobriety checks and seat belts, helps prevent deadly car crashes.
Backed by laws that decree certain ruin for restaurants that serve drinks to overly intoxicated patrons, most servers don't hesitate to cut off customers who've had enough. But they're understandably reluctant to police other equally dangerous behaviors observed at the table, raising the question of whether servers ever have an ethical obligation to intercede.
Restaurants are in the business of providing their guests with food and drink, which makes the prospect of withholding either seem counterintuitive at best. But when the requested item would harm the diner, does the "just doing my job" argument falter?
As an example, I once served a woman who was so obese that we had to scrounge up an armless chair for her. She ordered a salad, which seemed like a worthy stab at healthy eating habits. But she then asked me to add bacon. And blue cheese crumbles. And three sides of ranch dressing. Serving her the fat-laden dish felt about as thoughtful as shooting heroin into the arm of a junkie too weak to do it himself.
I've also watched visibly pregnant restaurant-goers knock back countless cocktails. While some researchers believe a single glass of wine won't damage a fetus, numerous studies suggest binge drinking poses a real threat. Still, until the mother-to-be shows signs of being unable to drive, she's unlikely to encounter any resistance to her orders.
To be sure, issues of morality are largely academic in the food-service industry, where servers probably won't risk their livelihoods to lecture their guests. Americans guard their right-to-privacy as closely as their wallets, and few are likely to leave a tip after being told their server doesn't approve of their choices.
Complicating matters, many of the diciest diner decisions aren't apparent to servers. I'm sure I've served drinks to alcoholics who'd vowed to stay on the wagon, and seafood to allergy sufferers hoping they'd licked their condition.
It's impossible for servers to correctly gauge every situation. But should that stop them from trying to protect their guests when possible? Should concern for customer safety ever trump a commitment to customer service?
| Yes. | |
|---|---|
| No. | |
| Maybe. (Tell us more in the comments!) |
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8-04-2009 @7:32PM oldtaku said... Honestly, you're a professional, they're ordering something off your menu; I really don't think it's ever up to you to tell them they can't have it unless you're out of the item or they're trying to abuse the menu with substitutions. No matter what you think of them in the back of your mind. It's not your place to be judgmentally meddling in the sad lives of total strangers like that, even if you're right and they're wrong.
The worst I'd say to that lady is that she needs to pay for two of those extra sides of ranch dressing. You're not her doctor.
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8-04-2009 @8:24PM Tracey said... Until you get a degree in endocrinology, I wouldn't be judgmental of obese people eating high-fat diets. It's the treatment for leptin insensitivity and can be a treatment for insulin insensitivity. What you're describing is a typical meal for someone with leptin insensitivity and is probably helping correct her metabolism, and she's probably loosing weight on it.
So no, I don't think servers should try to protect their guests--perhaps from alcohol, but only when backed up by the law. Until it's against the law for pregnant women to drink, you'd be opening yourself to lawsuits.
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8-20-2009 @4:07PM brian said... I don't believe that the server should be the only person to make the decision, so no "ethical code". However, if it proves to be a constantly raised question then restaurants need to develop a code of conduct that their servers can follow. While it may reflect more poorly on that server's current tip, it's the restaurant taking responsibility for the health and safety of their patrons. And in the case of excessive alcohol, the safety of the community.
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8-20-2009 @4:45PM Gary said... Sounds like the restaurant that this blogger works at needs to implement a policy that their servers should mind their own damn business. Unless someone who is obviously drunk is ordering alcohol a server should keep their mouth shut and bring a CUSTOMER whatever they order.
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8-20-2009 @4:46PM Megan said... Cutting off an intoxicated patron is one thing. Otherwise, though ? It's none of your business what or why patrons order a particular item. You don't know whether the obese customer eats tubs of ice cream or is bloated up from cancer drugs. And unless the customer has told you "yes, I'm expecting", you don't know for sure they aren't just tubby. Or someone that just had a baby and still looks pregnant. I'm hoping you aren't making your stink face at diner's choices you don't approve of, the way you've mentioned before about table squatters.
Honestly, Hanna, you need to spend more time providing good service to customers and less time thinking "Ugh, these people take too long, don't tip enough and shouldn't eat that dish." Or maybe switch industries.
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8-26-2009 @11:46PM chuckkral said... If you tell me you can't serve me another cocktail because I have had too many, Thanks. If it is the policy of the restaurant/bar then you are doing the right thing. If your establishment doesn't have a policy you may have a problem. As far as steering people away from certain foods, probably a bad idea. You may be trying to protect them, but obese people eating and then driving doesn't fall into the same class as an intoxicated person drinking and driving. Obesity will only hurt the one, alcohol could hurt many.
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8-20-2009 @5:05PM melissauga said... The difference is the drunk is incapable of making a sound decision, that whole "Alcohol impairs your judgement" thing. The Obese/Pregnant Whatever Lady could be having her Freebie Meal of the week that her diet permits. Either way, I've never heard of obesity impairing your judgement as alcohol. Pregnancy can give you preggo brain, but alas, that is not a crime.
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8-20-2009 @5:16PM John Hendrix said... In my view, a server's responsibility is to professionally server their employer's wares to the employer's customers. It appropriate for a server to offer opinions when the customer elicits guidance (e.g., "So, what do you recommend here?") It should not be the server's responsibility to provide adult supervision for otherwise adult customers.
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8-20-2009 @5:20PM Sarah said... MYOB is the key here.
While yes, I'd prefer to not see pregnant women drink...I also knew at like age 7 to never ask a woman if she was knocked up. Some overweight ladies look pg and some women can look pg 5 months after.
Same with I don't like seeing pregnant women smoke - but it isn't any of MY business.
Being ethical police makes one a busy body. Which is never good for business. And it easily leads to hot tempers - rightfully so for the patron being insulted.
There are things meant to be kept in ones head, in the personal thought arena. Sharing them only makes one look petty and busybody.
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8-20-2009 @5:54PM amanda said... I still find this series of posts goofy, but Tracey's response takes metabolism-correcting cake.
Yes, I'm sure correcting leptin insensitivity is a more predominant reason for ordering fatty foods than, say, deliciousness.
And telling someone what to eat, or not eat, is like telling them what to wear, who to vote for, etc. Despite good intentions, you're meddling.
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8-20-2009 @6:12PM Stephanie said... Your poll is misleading. 'Should servers be bound by an ethical code?' Yes they should, for their own behavior, not for policing others. So, maybe the code should be: serve your customers, but say out of their business. What a ridiculous post. It reminds me of the bar that got sued because the server refused to serve a pregant woman a strawberry daquari, and proceeded to lecture her on the dangers of alcohol.
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8-20-2009 @7:39PM Michael said... Seriously, Slashfood, fix your RSS feed. I've already seen this article!
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8-20-2009 @7:55PM Nobodees Bidnezz said... Gosh,I can only hope I run into this Author. Seriously! I'll have had a fabulous meal, camped out at a table in my extra-wide Fat Chick's chair and drank all the Iced Tea I could possibly drink while I watch other people's kids run around tables and chairs (I'll be the one placing bets). And you know what? I'll complain enough to Managment about the substandard Waitstaff who were curt and snide and judgemental. And not only will they comp my meal, but I'll leave $.02 in the bottom of my sticky iced tea glass as a tip because that's all that was earned after deducting all her complaining!
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8-20-2009 @9:46PM krispitina said... First you rail against diners asking servers personal questions, then you ask if servers should insert themselves into the diners' lives and police their meal. MYOB: it is a two way street.
Hanna, I just do not understand why you continue to work in restaurants where you have to put up with an unending stream of fat, nosy, low tipping, free refill demanding customers, lingering for hours at your tables with their damn inquisitive children.
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8-21-2009 @3:26AM buffy871 said... Please write about something original, or quit these posts. I was hoping something from a server's point of view would be interesting, but these posts are just getting whiney. Does anything positive ever happen in your life? AT ALL?
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8-21-2009 @9:03AM wendyH said... I think the server should say no to things like "I wonder if I should write a post about...."
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8-21-2009 @12:19PM bsw said... actually, given that there has recently been legislation restricting the use of trans-fats and requiring certain chain restaurants to post the health content of their menu for diners to see, i think Hannah raises a valid point. there are many things about the food industry the average diner doesn't know about the food they consume, basic statistics such as calories from fat among the most obvious of those. and, this country has a well-documented problem with obesity (hence one of the reasons behind the legislation).
clearly, there is need for some sort of regulation in the types of food available to consumers -- from foods being treated with pesticides, to animals being pumped with anti-biotics and hormones. hannah merely asks whether this regulation should extend into the restaurant business (which has recently been criticized for peddling foodstuffs with obscene amounts of fat and sodium).
while i think that we should have stricter regulations on food products, or at least on labelling food products so we know what chemicals we are consuming, i don't think the restuarant industry should be doing the regulating.
unfortunately, many people simply don't have self control or discipline. ultimately, they pay the price, but isn't there another level of culpability here?
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9-08-2009 @1:06PM raw1 said... Ha Ha! I have to agree with nobodees bidneez, I have been a service assistant for 2 years, and Ive been crosstraining to serve for 2 weeks. I have ALWAYS been in one service based industry or another, and one thing Ive learned is the customer might not always be right, but theyre always the customer. offer your service without discrimination, because youre in the service business; not because youre Dr. Phil
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9-18-2009 @1:58PM xxx said... amazing how every single one of this persons posts includes statements about "tips"
if you hate your job that much, get a new one
It's amazing to see you pass judgment on people, and then complain about how much you make
Shut up and do your job, don't like your job, find a new one.
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9-18-2009 @10:11AM Varuna said... This is just weird to even muse and this is coming from a former server. The alcohol is understandable, but WTF at thinking you need to police someone's food choices.
The only time I ever guided someone away from food choices was when I worked at an Italian restaurant that put free bread with garlic and olive oil on the table. Inevitably, since I put the bread down with first round of drinks, the customers wanted a second basket before dinner. However, if they asked for a third basket before dinner, I would always gently and jokingly remind them they were getting ready to have a heavy pasta meal, where they sure they wanted a third basket? Or would they like me to bring it out with dinner? I would say at least 85% of my tables would start laughing and agree that the 3rd basket should wait.
Why would I even care if someone fat ordered something not healthy? That's just dumb.
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