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| Zooey Deschanel Photo: Frazer Harrison, Getty Images |
When she added "no eggs or dairy" -- never uttering the word "vegan" -- and professed her intolerance for soy or wheat, we sensed the evil guiding hand of the show's producers, eager to ratchet up the tension for the five remaining celeb chefs. The only way they could've played it up more would have been to have her break plates and pull a "Mommie Dearest" at the dinner table: "I told you, no gluten ingredients EVER!"
No such luck. The star of the heavily Bravo-promoted "500 Days of Summer" was a model of apologetic demureness when she met the cooks pre-meal, although she did decline Michael Chiarello's request to sing couple of a cappella songs in exchange for his culinary handiwork.
Behind her back, the Italian cuisine maestro was the most outwardly offended by the restrictions, calling them "off-putting."
The comment seemed all the more surprising when he whipped up, for Zooey and her hipster entourage, a lovely dish of store-bought quinoa pasta with his own heirloom-tomato salsa. His simple, fresh ingredients, highlighted by topnotch oil and seasonings, easily took top honors.
But as always, irony, thy name is "Top Chef." Tasked with the challenge of a vegan dessert, the fabulously flustered Art Smith was criticized by the judges for committing the very same crime as Chiarello: buying a premade main ingredient. But while Chiarello was at least able to justify his choice -- Italians will often select dried pasta over fresh -- no one was letting Smith off the hook for buying a few quarts of frozen vanilla Rice Dream and slopping it on a plate with fresh strawberries and homemade almond brittle. (Honestly, can you blame them? That stuff tastes like a pile of freezer-burnt Rice Krispies.)
In the end, Smith was asked to go home, allowing next-to-last Anita Lo -- whose biggest sin was a lackluster grilled eggplant -- to see another day. Coming through with flying colors were Hubert Keller and Rick Bayless, who wowed the crowd with white gazpacho and sweet corn tamales, respectively.
But to hear Gael Greene describe it, the real winners of the night were Deschanel and her animal flesh-challenged friends. The grande dame of food criticism repeatedly referred to them with the pity one would reserve for a feral child forced to subsist on water and dust: "The vegans seemed so surprised -- God knows what they get to eat!"
See what former Top Chef Masters contestant John Besh had to say about judging, being judged, and the challenge of cooking with one arm behind his back.
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8-06-2009 @11:34AM Foodee said... What the hell was up with Dale and Michael Chiarello on the bumper for next week? No excuses for that kind of disrespect. It'll be interesting to see it in context, but from what I saw, I kind of hope Dale doesn't work in a professional kitchen anymore.
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8-06-2009 @3:01PM pedantic said... The premise of Art's dish was fine -- the berry soup, with ice cream, and brittle. But the dietary restrictions really cause him trouble. One of the eaters (I don't remember who) made a comment that coconut would have been good. And a nice coconut sorbet would have provided the fat the dish really needed.
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8-06-2009 @5:00PM Maggie said... I don't understand why Chiarello didn't make polenta or risotto -- both easily vegan and gluten-free foods. Seems less risky than quinoa pasta, which is often sticky and gross.
I've never seen tamales like the ones Rick made, but I've never had the banana leaf variety either. Did they have filling? Or was he making a playful, deconstructed tamale? How did he turn fresh corn into masa?
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8-06-2009 @5:21PM doubtful said... Those dietary restrictions were the death knell for Art and his style of cooking, and he seemed to know it from the outset. He joviality will be missed, but I don't honestly think he had the chops to win as enjoyable as his on screen time was to watch.
I too felt the heavy hand of production last night, really for the first time this season, and it reminded me of everything I've grown to dislike about Top Chef in general.
The teaser for next week in no way helped allay those feelings, either.
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8-06-2009 @10:00PM Michelle said... Good for her!!! I thought she was awesome and beautiful but now I'm just a smitten by her :)
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8-06-2009 @11:32PM River said... Zooey and her entourage were twits (and what's with the chick with the flat face and gargantuan glasses?). From a culinary standpoint, I have to say this was the MOST useless Top Chef episode ever!
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8-07-2009 @5:45AM Samme said... I was so worried for Anita Lo. I have no idea at all why she couldn't whip up something vegan with good Asian flavors. The Italian and Mexican dishes went over well, and Asian foods are even more readily adaptable to vegan styles. I just don't get it. A brown lentil brick and a block of brown soggy eggplant.
Until this episode she was my favorite.
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8-07-2009 @2:39PM John F.C. Taylor said... Another reality show I don't watch. So who really cares who can cook what anyway? Invariably these shows produce portions that would n't sustain most people from meal to meal. I'd sooner watch Dinner Impossible or Man vs Food. At least the portions there are enough to keep someone going without all the fancy personalities and the self preening they do.
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8-07-2009 @2:46PM Deanna said... Quinoa has more protein.
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8-07-2009 @3:02PM Annee said... Vegetarians/vegans creep me out. They almost always have a weird aura around them, and look anemic. Maybe they should have their "canines" removed. Must be frustrating to look in the mirror every morning and see proof that they are meant to be OMNIVORES.
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8-07-2009 @3:02PM chrisgee said... she a big dummy too! she's a VEGAN. she kept saying vegiterian....does she not know the difference? another waste of talent on a vapid hollywood starlet.
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8-07-2009 @3:38PM Dean said... Notice they don't have a vegan top chef show as no one would watch it.
And if they ever did could you here a gust say make sure you don't have any veggies in there only meat anf dairy products.LMAO
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8-07-2009 @3:35PM Dean said... EAT MEAT!
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8-07-2009 @3:49PM JulieAnn said... She is clearly not the dummy. Maybe she did not say she was a vegan because she could be a vegetarian that does not eat dairy or milk, but does eat sweeteners that are not vegan like honey. Or maybe it was scripted for entertainment purposes, like so many of these reality shows are. People should not make comments about what they don't know, unless they like to look like dummies themselves. ......And humans don't have canine teeth.
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8-07-2009 @4:00PM sungal said... Did anyone notice how rude Zooey was to her mom? When she repeated that she couldn't be vegan because she loved cheese, Zooey whined that she already said that. Looks to me like the girl is not only a vegan (aka anorexic with control issues), she's also a brat.
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8-07-2009 @3:52PM JulieAnn said... oops! I meant dairy and eggs......
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8-09-2009 @5:16PM Eatemup said... If God had meant us to be vegatarians he wouldn't have made animals out of food.
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8-07-2009 @10:08PM Bernie said...
Mmmm, vegan food, I'll take the cardboard wrapper and enjoy it more. Please I don't push my crazy ideas on you don't "Bambi" my cooking with your whinning. Remember veggies were once alive also!
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8-07-2009 @4:37PM chris said... These are all so contrived. Its as simple: She would not go to"his restaurant" if she were a vegan. So, throwing this into a competition is unfair, and plain silly. Kind of like going to a steak house looking for a vegetarian dish. Calling any show a reality show is a joke. Adding a camera, and a rating system and big salaries for filming "real people" changes the entire reality.
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8-07-2009 @5:10PM Gary said... I'm a chef and I think the show has jumped the shark.
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