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Hanna Raskin's first waitressing job was at a small Greek diner in Michigan. In the 15 years since, she's worked at a chop suey joint in Mississippi, an exclusive Arizonan country club, a vegetarian eatery and an Irish pub. She currently picks up odd shifts at a seafood eatery in the North Carolina mountains, where she cracks crab legs for helpless tourists. This is the seventh in a series of posts.
At my restaurant, each server is issued a service-station style workshirt with his or her name neatly scripted above the left breast pocket. It's a homey touch (albeit one that's largely subverted by my colleagues' propensity to wear someone else's shirt.)
Most servers aren't all that eager to reveal their names to their customers, since there's nothing more irritating than hearing someone repeatedly shriek your name when you're standing 20 yards away. The most undignified aspects of serving seem somehow even more demeaning when paired with one's own name (as in: "Hanna, will you clean up this mess my son made?" or "Hanna, I want you to cut the crusts off my sandwich.")
Worse still, a name is just a gateway drug for prying patrons, who figure that once they're on a first-name basis with you, they're welcome to inquire after your education, age and marital status.
Servers know customers who interrupt their recitation of the nightly specials to ask their name aren't just wondering what to put on their glowing comment cards.
While I sympathize with my fellow servers' Rumplestiltskin-esque instincts, I've never refused to tell a table my name. I even wear the right shirt. But I have balked at more personal questions, wondering how knowing my exact height (I've heard of much worse from fellow servers) could possibly improve my guests' dining experience.
To be fair, the vast majority of questioners aren't coarse, just curious. Most chummy customers don't particularly care what time their server gets off work; They're far more interested in asking questions typically posed by mothers and therapists – Are you on a diet? Why are you working here? -- and tend to be deeply disappointed when they don't get soul-baring responses.
Great service entails knowing the menu, anticipating a customer's every need and unobtrusively serving and clearing plates in a timely manner. But does it also demand that servers answer every intimate question a table lobs at them? Just how personal should a diner expect to get with his or her server -- and is standoffishness a tip-altering offense?
| Yes | |
|---|---|
| No | |
| Maybe (tell us more in comments) |
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8-05-2009 @1:45PM Dave said... I just don't get this series of posts. I feel for servers, but I don't get a series of blog posts complaining about the hazards that happen to come along with your (chosen) profession.
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8-05-2009 @1:55PM Greg said... Yes, these posts are getting irritating. I have worked in resturaunts and definatly feel the pain of the front and back of the house workers. I tip fat, and am very considerate, but reading these articles about the pains of being in the HOSPITALIY industry are very much getting to my nerves.
Here is a tip. Respect everyone.
Here is another tip. These articles are not enlightening.
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8-05-2009 @3:03PM watcher said... No one should have to put their name or any other information about themselves on a little sign on their clothes.
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8-05-2009 @4:26PM Megan said... I agree with Dave and Greg. Also, there are polite ways to bypass those questions. I learned to deal with inappropriate comments like "Where are you from" and "You're pretty" with "Around here. Can I get you more tea" and "Mmm hmmm, will anyone be ordering dessert ?" It's been my experience that "Why are you working here?" is usually asked when the server is acting grouchy & making faces like this all night --> : P Just saying...
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8-05-2009 @5:44PM amanda said... Haha, agreed with those above. These posts are more about dealing with imbeciles than dealing with the ins and outs of serving. I could write similar posts about my most annoying clients, but it's hardly a fair representation of my work day.
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8-05-2009 @7:26PM Amber said... My question is why on earth you chose to continue to work as a server when you apparently dislike dealing with people?
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8-06-2009 @8:48AM Paul said... This is a great post on a great topic.
I work in Brisbane Australia. I am not forward in suggesting the locals are backward when it comes to what good food and service entails. The locals have no clue on what personal boundaries are. Fortunately their lack of food knowledge works in our favor. My employer has removed names from the girls shirts as the local men are what Chefs call a "Skirt nuisance" TRANSLATION - A man who has no clue how to interact with a woman unless he possesses some information (power) which is not mutual. (He can remain anonymous while knowing a servers name.)
Unfortunately the skirt nuisance is the least of our girls worries.
If a Hamilton/Ascot lady gets hold of of one of our girls names you are in for a real show of classless. I am not even sure if 'classless' is a word but I think you get the idea.
Megan suggested that such questions could be dealt with... Why should they be? You wouldn't walk up to a complete stranger and you first question be "where do you live?"
Amber suggested "why on earth you chose to continue to work as a server when you apparently dislike dealing with people" Is just not a valid comment? 90% of people we deal with are great! Unfortunately the 10% really do ruin it for the rest of you. They make our job impossible! That means the level of service we give you is compromised.
My Auntie will tell the server not to wait for the rest of the mains if someone at her table orders a well done steak. I suggest more of you do the same.
Do not turn up to a restaurant/cafe and say you have a flight to catch can we go to the front of the cue? You have more than likely known about your flight at least a month before everyone else in the dining room knew they were going to eat there that day. That question is a fast rack to the back of the que.
If you want good service... Just be a human with feelings.
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8-06-2009 @8:29AM Mary said... I think this series has been worthwhile in that it gives us insight into the lives of people we interact with but might not give much consideration to.
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8-06-2009 @8:44AM nuckklehead said... Thanks Mary.
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8-06-2009 @10:11AM Karen said... Somebody fire this girl - from both her restaurant job and her attempts at writing.
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8-06-2009 @10:42AM Megan said... "Megan suggested that such questions could be dealt with... Why should they be? You wouldn't walk up to a complete stranger and you first question be "where do you live?"
I'll answer your question. I love being in hospitality. Part of that requires being a mature adult and being able to handle every type of customers, not just the sunny, happy ones. Most customers get the hint when you give a vague answer to personal questions. And I don't mind them seeing my first name on my name tag. You know why ? Because it's awesome when one of them goes back to my manager and says "OMG, Megan helped us so much and we had the best experience with you guys! We'll definitely come back! Tell her we said thank you!"
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8-06-2009 @10:56AM snuffy said... I work in a pub where everyone knows my name. The friendlier people are with you, the more they tip. I don't mind engaging in mindless banter for money... a person who would get annoyed by being asked her height is obviously in the wrong profession. Servers are supposed to like people and interacting with people. Also, I'd take someone shouting my name from 20 yards away over a finger snap or "Miss? Miss?" any day.
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8-06-2009 @4:07PM buffy871 said... My name is Buffy, so that adds a whole new aspect to the "what's your name" issue. I inject a lot of humor into my service. I actually have a whole "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" stchick, where I explain that I am the original Slayer, they just picked someone younger and blonder to play me in the movie. The customers love it.
It took me years to be comfortable with people asking me personal questions, because it is rude. It's not about how great a customer is though, it's about how generous their tip is, so we end up having to be entertainers at times if we want to pay the bills.
I finally learned to judge the difference between a curious customer, a bored customer, and a nuisance. The first two just want to chat. The nuisance doesn't get any other info than my name. I tell my nuisances I live in a different part of town than I really do, and the minute "you're pretty" comes up in coversation,I start dropping the words "my husband" frequently. I actually know a server who has a fake engagement ring and a fake fiancee.
It's not quite fair to say that someone has to deal with the indignities of their "chosen profession". Many waitresses didn't choose their profession. Sometimes it's just where one lands in life, and the problem arises when the conversation becomes humiliating or sexual, which some waitresses can deal with using grace and tact. That isn't a part of the job, however. It's a skill that only some people have.
I am adept as misdirecting prying customers, but a waitress who has someone being too problematic should be able to go to the manager on duty for help. It will kill the tips for the time being, but sometimes it's worth it to lose a tip rather than to have to go home and take an extra shower because someone made you feel dirty.
For customers - it's ok to ask a name, but please realize that if it's a name that could have a joke attached to it, your server is just laughing to be polite.
Also, don't pry. We might pretend to give a damn, but we don't. If you are a regular, it's ok to a point to be involved in a server's life. I have a few customers I'd tell anything too, because I've been serving them four times a week for several years.
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8-07-2009 @12:43AM Elle said... I voted maybe, because there have been cases eating at restaurants with my mother where waiters have volunteered information and there has been an actual rapport. We now like those waiters, and they like us, so I don't see anything wrong with that.
I wouldn't however go into a busy restaurant and force an interview on a waiter.
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8-09-2009 @1:45PM Emily said... I totally understand that there are lots of imbeciles servers have to deal with. But I feel like that instead of discussing all of the life of a server, this line of blogs is just bitching.
Here's the thing - the idiots that you have to deal with? I HIGHLY doubt they're reading Slashfood. HIGHLY.
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8-10-2009 @1:07PM Leigh said... Hanna really doesn't seem to like serving tables - why do it? I've waited tables for the last 8 years, the last 3 have been part time at night, after my day job. I get plenty of questions like the above - why do you work here? Did you go to college? Do you have another job? I answer simply and honestly, and most times it serves to build rapport. Rapport = tips!
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8-14-2009 @2:15PM Jes said... I believe these blogs are totally valid. I am a server, not as much by choice, but due more to lack of available jobs. Most customers are no problem to deal with. Establishing rapport with regulars is great. But there are those certain customers that just make you want to run screaming from the dining room, break some dishes and/or tear out your hair. Sometimes we just need to vent about those crappy situations we encountered throughout the day. I believe that reading this blog is a choice, and if you don't like what she has to say, you don't have to read it and then bitch about it in the comments.
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9-08-2009 @8:37AM Stacey said... This doesn't just happen in food service industries... I am a manager in a retail store and I refuse to wear my name badge. That being said, 90% of my customers are regulars and already know my name because I introduce myself. I just can't stand people using my name because they read it across my chest. Maybe it's all psychological, but I feel better about someone using my name when I've actually given it to them.
Try this for a post next time: How do you handle it when a regular at your place of business bumps into you at a completely unrelated place? I've come across customers while I was shopping in Walmart who have actually looked into my cart to see what I'm buying!!
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9-08-2009 @9:21AM Elaine said... There's no mention here of the server who becomes too chummy with the customers. I don't appreciate being called honey or sweetie. I have never invited a server to sit down with us, yet that's exactly what has happened on several occasions when dining out with my family. I just want the server to do his or her job and they'll get a decent tip from me.
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9-18-2009 @1:59PM xxx said... imagine that, another post from Hanna mentioning tips.
I think you need to take some communication classes and learn to deal with people, and quit writing this horrible dribble about jobs that should be reserved for high school students or college kids paying for school.
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