A vintage couple gets the jitters

There's nothing like the calming warmth of a shot of espresso -- that old friend you count on to get you going.

But like the passive-aggressive pal leaving catty notes on your Facebook wall, your morning joe can turn on you in an instant, especially if you have one too many.

I've only been betrayed once, but it was enough to permanently slow my caffeine binge habits: The moment I swallowed the offending shot, my heart started pounding, I saw double, my hands started sweating and I stumbled blindly towards the door of my favorite café, trying to sneak out unnoticed. (It is not ideal for a CoffeeMeister's reputation to be crumpled on the floor of a café in a fit of caffeine-induced hysteria).

It's easy for people to forget -- or deny -- that caffeine is a drug, but the facts say otherwise: Like its distant cousins cocaine and nicotine, it's an alkaloid, though there aren't typically state-funded "quit cappuccinos" campaigns. The stimulating stuff's natural function is as a built-in pesticide for plants like coffee, cacao and tea.

Contrary to the paralyzing effect it has on crawling critters, it sends us skipping back to our desks at 3 p.m. with a renewed sense of joie de vivre. Sadly, however, too much of a good thing is bad news indeed.

Like any other drug, caffeine taken in excess can seriously harm and even kill you. A more likely scenario is that caffeine intoxication will just make you feel horrid: Dizziness, racing heart, hallucinations, irritability, emotional instability, nausea, increased chance of seizures and vomiting can easily accompany a three-latte lunch.

One of the most common types of overdose, intoxication can strike even a seasoned coffee drinker, and quicker than you might imagine. The average person drinks about three cups a day, while a deadly dose is typically between 60 and 100 cups. Surprisingly, the danger zone starts anywhere above those first three jolts (about 300 mg of caffeine), threatening mild symptoms like headache and restlessness.

Or, as the guy in the film below discovers, too much coffee could be your one-way path to self-destruction. Don't try this at home, dear readers.

One way to stave off this distracting delirium is to stay plenty hydrated (just because coffee's made with water doesn't mean you're getting all the H2O you need), eat regularly, drink slowly and, you know, consider cutting back a little. After all, aren't the best things in life meant to be savored?