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| Photo: Jason Reidy/Flickr |
Hanna Raskin's first waitressing job was at a small Greek diner in Michigan. In the 15 years since, she's worked at a chop suey joint in Mississippi, an exclusive Arizonan country club, a vegetarian eatery and an Irish pub. She currently picks up odd shifts at a seafood eatery in the North Carolina mountains, where she cracks crab legs for helpless tourists. This is the first in a series of posts.
The first time I saw a fellow server settle into a booth with her customers while taking orders, I was seriously concerned.
I was a veteran of both high- and low-end cuisine, but had never seen such a thing. I immediately assumed she was too tired to carry on, and never suspected she was angling for a better tip.
As folks who ate out in the early 1990s may recall, researchers discovered in 1993 that sitting down with customers -- like drawing a smiley face on the bill or wearing a flower in one's hair -- was a sure route to a bigger tip.
Read on, plus a poll, after the jump.
("It makes the server seem friendlier," theorized authors Michael Lynn and Kirby Mynier, pointing to studies associating "postural congruence" and "eye contact" with good rapport.) In those pre-Internet years, the finding was disseminated through an informal network of restaurant workers, with servers across the country gradually adding the trick to their repertoire.
Many restaurant managers put the kibosh on the tactic, ruling that the approach violated the customer's right to personal space. But the habit has persisted in some quarters (namely, wherever my swift-to-squat co-worker is employed.)
It's no longer shocking when a server asks her guests to scoot over. But is it a good idea? If a waitress doesn't sit, is she hopelessly standoffish? Should a server behave like your best friend?
6-17-2009 @11:16AM kayce. said... omg, i couldn't help but add my comments here... i *HATE* when a server sits at my table!!! if i you're not an invited guest, don't pull up a seat. then again, i hate overly-familiar servers of all stripes, so i guess i am probably on the most extreme side of the argument. that said, i don't mind when a server squats down ~ if it's a casual restaurant ~ so s/he is on eye-level w/ the ppl at the table.
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6-17-2009 @11:33AM Amy said... Oh I would definitely lower the tip if a server sat at my table. I would be very offended. If not invited, you just don't sit!
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6-17-2009 @11:31AM Astin said... Really depends. If it's the first thing they do? No. If there's just two of you? No. If it's fine dining? Definitely not. If there's a group, and you've all been laughing and built a good rapport with your server, and it's a casual restaurant, and it's time for dessert or more drinks, and it doesn't inconvenience anyone to move (ie.- they pull up a chair at the end of the table)? Why not.
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6-17-2009 @11:33AM chefgwen said... Servers sitting down with their "clients" is a pet peeve of mine. I even blogged about it earlier this year. To me, it sends the wrong message. It says "I really don't want to serve you, I want to join you."
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6-17-2009 @11:58AM Dana said... No, absolutely not. I find it an intrusion if the waiter hovers or constantly interupts to see how things are going... perhaps it makes me terribly aloof, if I wanted a meal with the server I'd invite them.
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6-17-2009 @12:08PM Ian said... My girlfriend and I will tend to sit next to each other, instead of across, even when it's just the two of us, and we've had servers sit down in the booth across from us, and it turned out well, for us and the server.
I think the first time it happened we invited them to sit though, because they looked tired. :)
It also depends on the restaurant, Chevy's, Chili's, Hooters, Red Robin, etc? Sure, no problem.
Some romantic fine dining place? Yeah, no. Stay standing.
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6-17-2009 @12:17PM Dean said... There's an easy solution to this - when a server sits at the table or booth uninvited, I tell the person that since he or she is dining with me, they will pay their percentage of the bill.
I agree it's rude by being overly familiar. I have a similar, if not stronger, reaction to servers who want to shake hands.
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6-17-2009 @12:18PM Hanna Raskin said... Ian, you raise another interesting issue in the great "who owns this table?" debate. Many two-tops are arranged with the presumption that diners will want to stare lovingly into each others' eyes, not sit side-by-side. At the cramped restaurant where I work, couples determined to reconfigure seating -- even if it means sticking a chair in an aisle or shoving another table aside -- are a source of endless trouble for us servers. While I certainly don't mean to imply you're among those offenders, it's always interesting to see how many diners think they're entitled to redecorate.
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6-17-2009 @12:32PM Heidi said... Absolutely cannot stand when a server sits at my table. Even if it is a Chili's, TGIF's, etc. In fact, that's about the only sort of place I've seen it happen. I do like the idea of telling the server that they can happily pay their portion of the tab. Heh.
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6-17-2009 @12:47PM BraH said... I can't get over the sneaking suspicion that half of you are just plain rude. Complaining about a waiter or waitress sitting down for a minute? Really? We're not talking about fine dining here, we're talking stuff like Chili's.
They're people making a living, not servants, and complaining about every damned little thing doesn't get stuff done. People vote with their money. If it REALLY bothers you all that bad, leave no or less of a tip.
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6-17-2009 @12:57PM KF said... Well, concerning the comment above by BraH, I'm perfectly friendly, not rude, tip well, and engage the server. My boyfriend treats servers very well, as he was a server when he was in law school, so I really learned from the best tutor.
That said, I really do not like the idea of a server sitting down with me. If you want to squat to be on eye level, that's fine. You can draw a smiley face, write your name on the paper tabletop, or show me all your flair, but please don't sit down next to me. It won't help your tip. Rather than being friendly, it gives me the impression that you're either lazy or tired or don't understand social boundaries, and my service may be affected.
It's just an odd practice and I resent the implication that I'm unfriendly or rude if I don't want a person I just "met", sitting down next to me at my table.
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6-17-2009 @1:06PM Sara Bonisteel said... At my local, Diner, in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, it's the waitress' shtick to sit at the table with you and write down all the day's specials. Jarring for newbies, but accepted by regulars.
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6-17-2009 @1:38PM Amy said... I voted No, but it really doesn't bother me that much. All the caveats stated above apply though - i.e. not at high-scale places, or on a romantic date. But if at a bistro (chain or otherwise) or similar type place, I'd rather they didn't (I tend to mentally roll my eyes). Of course, maybe because in my experience every time that's happened the waiter/waitress was mostly trying to flirt with me or someone else at the table.
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6-17-2009 @4:21PM Samme said... I can definitely understand the sitting if the server is a personal friend. I have gone to restaurants where friends (or their kids) work. but if the server is a stranger I don't want them at my table any more than I would want the guy 2 tables down to come and join me.
As far as letting the person take a load off, a) there are other places to sit for break times. b) standing is part of the job. Most of the people I know had a food-service job at some point before/during college. Standing does get tiring, but that's what you get the paycheck for.
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6-17-2009 @5:10PM meeno01 said... on date night, not proper
if im out with friends or family in a casual setting, I dont really care, in fact, its probably the best way to get comp'd drinks and dessert
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6-17-2009 @8:47PM Buffy said... It depends. I am a server and I feel that I really don't want to be that familiar with people I don't know. I don't make enough money to pretend to like people. A smile and good service is what they're paying for, not chumminess.
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6-23-2009 @2:55PM rebecca said... I've been a server for 4 years in a "casual fine dining" restaurant of very good quality. I cannot count the number of times I've been asked to "sit", "join us", "have a drink", "grab a glass for yourself", etc. And my response to each situation varied according to my familiarity with the customer and/or my understanding of their wish to use me to impress their friends, have someone to talk to, gossip a little, flirt a little, break the tedium of their own evening, etc. etc. blah, blah... And I have sat with customers, shared a minute, bought drinks for customers, tried some wine, gossiped, flirted, and talked to lots of lonely people. But only when it was appropriate or welcome. Servers who can't read people or a situation will never do well. And customers who think professional servers in decent restaurants might just plop down uninvited will wait in vain.
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6-17-2009 @11:05PM BraH said... I stand by my assessment. Maybe they're hard of hearing or it's a loud restaurant. Maybe the aisles are narrow and they don't want to be in the way of the carriers. Maybe they've already been on her feet for eight hours, and awake for twelve. Maybe, just maybe, there are things the customer is ignorant of (gasp!), so at the end of the day, what difference does it make to you if the waiter takes an empty chair for a minute?
Again, to clarify, this applies to all the casual dining places, on a date or not. Your attention isn't on your date/spouse/whatever when you're ordering. High class stuff, different story, as they're expected and paid to conform to the traditional service model.
Give me a break.
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6-18-2009 @9:26AM ghanima said... Frankly, if it's a casual enough setting and the server has good chemistry with you or the group, or if he/she is otherwise exhausted and think that I won't mind if he/she were to rest for a bit, they'd find their assumptions are correct.
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6-18-2009 @5:04PM Megan said... I've been in hospitality, restaurants, etc for a long time. That is *never* okay, even at a casual, fairly inexpensive place like TGIFriday's. It is overly familiar to the customers and reflects poorly on the restaurant. I especially hate it when the waiter comes up and laughs along with whatever your conversation is. An "excuse me, ma'am" will get my attention much better and not tick me off.
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