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I know that it's impossible to please everyone, especially at a wedding, but you can try, right? Maybe, maybe not. I've recently run into some issues with picky eaters and new vegan friends and family members in terms of what they will or will not be able to eat at our wedding. Luckily, I can count the fussy eaters on one hand and there are only two vegans attending, so with the small number, should I cater to them?
I've gotten some mixed advice. Since we're doing a cocktail reception, it's not as easy as having a different dish available for their dinner, such as chicken fingers and fries. Adding an extra reception station would cost too much money. While the picky eaters have several munching options, including roast chicken, salad and risotto, there's not a ton. We're also a little worried: are summer vegetable rolls and a salad station filling enough for a vegan?
Please vote below, share your thoughts with me in the comments section and follow me on Twitter!
| Offered them a special menu | |
|---|---|
| Crossed your fingers and hoped they ate beforehand | |
| Let them know ahead of time of your concerns | |
| Not your problem |
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6-05-2009 @5:09PM Melissa Bernais said... If you're knowingly inviting people who can't eat certain food groups, you take on the responsibility to make sure that they are taken care of with the same concern that you would to the group of people who can eat everything you offer.
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6-05-2009 @5:11PM Cyn said... I'm a vegan, and I never expect people to cater to my needs, but I always appreciate it when they do. I would talk to them ahead of time about your concerns, and see if they have any ideas. Also, how filling are the salads? As a vegan, I get really tired of salad being my only option, but if they have a protein option such as tofu or beans to add to the salad, and some bread, that can be a nice, filling meal.
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6-05-2009 @5:16PM Cyn said... Also, risotto can easily be made vegan if it's made with vegetable broth and the Parmesan cheese is offered as an option at the end, rather than added to it.
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6-05-2009 @5:28PM DanGarion said... Honestly it's your wedding, it's not really your concern. If they are picky or eat different food then the majority they should already know to expect that you would be fulfilling their needs for food.
Now saying that, if you choose to try and fit their needs that's fine as well, but honestly you have enough things to concern yourself about with a wedding then to worry about each and every guest and what they do and don't want to eat.
Enjoy your day.
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6-05-2009 @5:31PM Meghan said... Whatever you decide to do, you'll be doing your vegan and vegetarian guests a huge favor by simply labeling the food or making sure the servers know what is and isn't vegan/vegetarian. Like Cyn, I never expect anyone to cater to my needs, but I do appreciate not being put in a situation where I have to guess what I'm eating and possibly waste food that I've put on my plate as a result.
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6-05-2009 @5:39PM Gobo said... As a vegetarian, I agree with Meghan and others here: it's nice if there's a little something that's meatless, but I certainly don't expect to be catered to with a separate menu. If meat-free stuff is labeled, great, that's all that's needed.
Vegans are used to not being catered to and will eat some crackers and crudites :)
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6-05-2009 @5:54PM JamesLucas said... Melissa's comment is a good one. If you are inviting people who can't eat certain foods, it is your responsibility to accommodate them. Picky eaters and most people wielding the word 'vegan' can eat the foods that they don't choose to eat, and, as such, you are absolved of your obligations to them. (Personally, I'm ususally happy to go the extra mile for vegetarians, since pursuing vegetarian options usually leads to fun experiments. I won't jump for vegans though.)
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6-05-2009 @6:07PM Mark said... Would you go to, for example, an Indian wedding and then be bitchy that they only had Indian food if you didn't like Indian food? or Italian? Chinese? where do you draw the line? As you said it's more expensive to set up another food station... and then what if someone thinks "I've always wanted to try tofu..." and then goes and scoops some up, decides they don't like it and now you're short for the vegans.
If you know they're vegetarian/vegan, let them know that they can fill up on salad & breadsticks, or that there will be limited choices for them. Leave it up to them if they want to eat beforehand and celebrate YOUR day with YOU, sneak in some vegetables, or boycott your wedding because you're a filthy meat-eater :)
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6-05-2009 @6:14PM Maureen said... I'm a pretty picky eater but I don't expect others to worry about what I will or won't eat. It's my choice not to eat what many other people will, so I tend to expect to fend for myself.
As for the person who commented that vegans can eat what they choose not to, that's not always true. If you know why they're vegan (health concerns, religious beliefs, etc.) it's worth checking with them since it doesn't seem to be a large group.
Overall, it's YOUR day, and others will do what they can to make you happy-even if it's stopping for a bite to eat on the way just in case you haven't considered every minor detail!
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6-05-2009 @7:07PM Molly said... If you go by the thinking that if you invite 100 people and of those 100 people you have knowingly invited four vegens or vegetarians so now you have to cater to them, it seems to me more vegetarians would be excluded because you are asking too much. I am highly allergic to shellfish and have sensitivities to several other foods. Should I expect that no shellfish be offered and that everyone's individual dietary concerns also will be addressed. When I go to a wedding I am there to celebrate a special day. I make sure I am not starving before I go and will pick up something afterward if I have found nothing I can eat. I'm not going out to dinner, I'm going to a wedding.
No matter how hard you work, how you try your best to please everyone about everything at your wedding, you will never be able to make everyone happy or cater to everyone.
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6-05-2009 @11:08PM Divine Bird Jenny said... Echoing other sentiments here. I think it's always nice to offer options, but if it means setting up more stations or paying a lot more, you have to draw the line somewhere. I do highly, highly agree that things should be labeled (or the servers should know what they're serving). My husband has a seafood allergy, and I am allergic to mangoes. Neither is life-threatening but both are very intense and uncomfortable. We have learned to ask before eating anything, and once we know what's in it, we can make decisions for ourselves.
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6-05-2009 @11:32PM dragonet2 said... I hosted a hospitality suite at a sf convention recently. Someone had volunteered to bring a large bag of rice and another person brought a steamer. Yet another person volunteered to bring vinegar, seasonings and nori strips so rice balls could be made to taste.
For our event, the bag o'rice failed to materialize.
But the idea could be a tasty station at a wedding, it would be cheap enough. You could have someone making the vinegared rice as it is needed, and maybe advising people about making their own rice balls, or making different combinations of seasoned rice balls as needed.
Just an idea. I've never done/been to very complicated wedding receptions, but this kind of thing seems easy enough that a friend could man the station. (I've bar-tended and catered friends' wedding receptions...)
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6-06-2009 @10:52AM Juggler314 said... I don't think it's fair to say that if you invite someone who is a picky eater that it is your responsibility to make sure they are taken care of as melissa said in the first comment. I think it might be rude to invite a vegan to a bacon *themed* wedding, but a normal wedding? It puts you in a place of choosing friends vs. altering your own wedding plans and possibly costing yourself much more money.
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6-09-2009 @10:13AM laura said... I was marrying a vegetarian and a number of his family members were also vegetarian so I understand your problem. I was amazed by the number of caterers that thought adding a spinach dip to the appetizer reception was enough. I ended up going with the one caterer that listened to my needs and was willing to work with my budget, even offering things like the pasta station without a chef to make it cheaper. Everyone, including the vegetarians raved about the food and I now recommend the The Copper Kettle to anyone getting married in Nashville, TN.
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6-07-2009 @8:09AM Sally said... I don't think it's your responsibility to make sure that there's food that will accomodate everyone. The picky eaters and the vegans choose to eat (or not eat, as the case may be) as they do. I tend to agree with Michael Pollan on this one: "On this matter I'm inclined to agree with the French, who gaze up on any personal dietary prohibition as bad manners."
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6-07-2009 @9:13AM beth said... I'd be willing to go the extra mile for vegans, but picky eaters are another story if they're over the age of say, 7. Everyone has to learn how to eat like a grownup sometime, and it isn't your job to cater to the whims of someone who simply "doesn't feel like" trying new food; deciding to be a vegan, however, is an adult dietary decision. Picky eaters tend to complain more than vegans and people with other dietary restrictions b/c those with restrictions acknowledge their eating is a bit uncommon (every picky eater I know seems to be oblivious to the fact that they eat like a child.)
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6-07-2009 @10:31AM tzurriz said... For our wedding, we had 5 kosher, and 3 vegan (who also don't eat anything that grows underground) guests.
We made our main entree fish, so the kosher wouldn't have a problem with that either way (the place had a kosher kitchen). I called the vegan guests to find out what they COULD eat (coworkers of my husband) and they told me to not worry about it at all. Their rules were too strict to bother someone else with. They brought their own food.
Oh, and it turned out we had one guest who was allergic to fish (we didn't know ahead of time). So, he requested an extra kids meal from a server (his daughter was eating chicken strips), and he was fine with that.
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6-07-2009 @2:52PM Mandy said... I agree with what beth said: "I'd be willing to go the extra mile for vegans, but picky eaters are another story if they're over the age of say, 7."
I don't have a lot of sympathy for picky eaters. I would be willing to make some accommodations for the vegans, such as labeling everything and offering a bowl of marinated tofu or seasoned beans to top their salads.
As for labeling, I always thought this was a cool idea:
http://glutenfreegirl.blogspot.com/2007/08/how-to-throw-gluten-free-wedding.html
And since your wedding is not potluck, the cards wouldn't even have to be handwritten.
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6-07-2009 @7:13PM joe said... I had 2 vegetarians at my wedding, and made sure that I had special food for them. I didn't want to make them feel like outsiders at my wedding, not being able to eat the meat/fish. Obviously you have final say in something like that, and your relationship with them may cause you to rethink spending extra time/money on it. They were good friends of mine, and I got extra compliments for having gone through the effort :)
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6-08-2009 @9:44AM Alisa said... We had a vegetarian in our wedding party, his wife needed gluten free, and we have several vegetarian and or picky-eating friends. So we made sure we had an assortment of options - at least 2 wheat free which were also vegetarian (quinoa salad is a GREAT option). I tried to be conscious about it, especially because these folks were part of the wedding party. It's really not that hard to make some things vegetarian or vegan or however you need to modify it but you should also know you aren't going to make everyone perfectly happy, so don't go crazy about it.
I know they appreciated that we had several options available, and we also had the menus printed to point out what was wheat free and what was vegetarian. Your caterer should also make sure that the staff is educated on what each dish contains, and make sure they put most of the sauces on the side.
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