The RSVP Conundrum - Advice Welcome

3-10-2009 @9:05PM Chef JoAnna said... Everyone's friends are ill-mannered these days. It's the crush of information coming at us from 360 degrees, and the possibility that someone else might come along with a better offer for that timeslot, so they don't want to commit.

If it's that important to have a precise headcount, you should use the phone and call the people, one by one, and get an answer right then and there. Even that's not foolproof. This approach could cause the opposite to happen... they say that they will come, and then you make food for 40 but only 10 actually arrive.

It hard to be strict with friends when you really just want to show everyone a good time. My solution is to set some limits and create some urgency about it. Maybe you can say that you only have room for 20 and you wanted to make sure that, if they can make it, they'll be one of those 20. Maybe you can say that you're doing something special (after all you are!) and that you need an accurate headcount.
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3-10-2009 @9:48PM KF said... JoAnna's first paragraph is right on the money. I couldn't agree more. Further, there is, right or wrong, a touch of casualness conveyed when people receive an invite via evite or email. They simply don't take it as seriously as something received on a note card by regular mail. I don't consider an online "virtual birthday card" a real birthday card, myself -- someone just used Hallmark.com instead of writing a note to me. It doesn't bother me either way, but, I don't give it much weight, either. There are those who surely feel as I do, and give little or less priority to evites. I do acknowledge all evites, and honor my RSVP or explain why I can't, but still, nothing gets or holds my attention as much as a traditional invitation and a follow-up telephone call.
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3-10-2009 @9:50PM Erica said... You could also be very apologetic to the non-responding guests who show up (which is ruder than non-responding, non-showing in my opinion) and serve them peanut butter sandwiches instead of the tasty meal -- but that's really passive aggressive and I don't recommend it. Satisfying to imagine, though, isn't it... :-)
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3-10-2009 @11:15PM Lydia said... I have found myself in this situation before and find it equally frustrating. What I tend to do is over do the food anyway (not as in over-cook, but prepare too much!), which I think is a better option. Unless you're prone to throw out leftovers (gasp!) then there really is no real waste, especially if you have friends, co-workers, or neighbors who relish your cooking and are happy to relieve you of leftovers (to make them seem less leftover-ish, prepare the dishes in smaller servings (i.e. two pans of quiche), and you may end up with one untouched pan that can then serve as a "gift" to someone.) Another idea is to plan on sending leftovers home with guests that DO actually show up; you can go the paper plate-tinfoil route, or really snazz things up by making your own little to-go boxes out of cardstock lined with parchment. As for the deadbeat RSVP-ers, consider not inviting them back next time...maybe they'll learn their lesson!
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3-11-2009 @6:44AM Rosemary Mullally said... No matter whether it's Evite, e-mail or mailed invitations, gettin invitees to R.S.V.P. has been a 2 decades long problem.

Bizarrely, the non-responders are living and working in a diplomatic community and are familiar with the rules of protocol. If you find a solution, let me know!
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3-11-2009 @8:46AM Bkhuna said... If folks are truly friends, they won't leave you in a bind by showing up unexpectedly. If someone fails to RSVP and shows up anyway, tell them politely that you make no provisions for them and you'll see them another time.

You can't cure rudeness in others, but you don't have to tolerate it; that only reinforces bad behavior.
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3-11-2009 @9:27AM David Millar said... I don't host a lot of parties, but the logical way to go would be to overestimate the number of attendees by 15% or 20%, and come up with an elegant way to deal with any potential leftovers such as cloth napkin satchels or something like that. This way you can be ready if say 16-22 people show up, but not overestimate too much.
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3-11-2009 @9:47AM Alex said... We've had the exact same problem with our farewell party this Saturday. We've hired a small bar and invited people in a combination of methods. Anyone who we wrote to (or emailed or facebooed or whatever) we said we needed to know numbers.

I was particularly anxious about this as I didn't want a relatively new, small independent bar closing its doors to other customers if only 10 of my friends turned up!

The number of people who think it's appropriate to RSVP this week is unbelievable. We sent out the invitations at the end of January as we wanted people who had to travel to have as much time as possible to organise transport and accommodation.

I'm actually moving to the other side of the world but my approach from now on is going to be to think very carefully about inviting stallers/non responders in future. If you want to leave the slot free in your diary to see what else comes up then you don't actually want to come to my event so I'd rather you not be there!
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3-11-2009 @9:47AM Astin said... Paper will almost guarantee you'll get a lower response rate.

A few problems I find:

1.- Facebook is evil. If you don't have an account with it (like me), then there's no reminders as the date approaches, and you can't see the full list of who's invited/coming.

2.- Evite gives off a vibe of "I don't really like them having my e-mail address." to some people. They are owned by Ticketmaster after all, and everyone knows how evil TM is :).

I've used Evite in the past and I create a page, but don't populate a guest list. Then I send my friends an e-mail (not via Evite) with a link to the page, and they can enter whatever information they want (fake address, etc.), but still let me know they're coming. I've received a lot of "I didn't know you can do that with Evite! I like it much better" responses when I do this.

But no matter how I send out an invitation, I pester regularly, especially if I need to know numbers. Set a deadline for the RSVP in the initial notice. Follow up a couple weeks before the deadline with a friendly reminder to those who haven't responded. Do the same a week before (the list of non-responders should be smaller). By the time the deadline rolls around, you should have only a couple laggards who you can e-mail personally.

Then send out a reminder to everyone who's coming a day or two before the event. Most of them won't have received every e-mail you've sent out, because they responded early, so they won't be annoyed. Those who are - well that's their fault and they can RSVP earlier next time.

And keep the e-mails light and amusing if possible. Remind people that "no" and "maybe" are acceptable responses too.
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3-11-2009 @12:26PM Amy Z said... I usually do as Astin suggests with eVite and the follow-ups. You can send reminders to only the people that haven't responded. Also, depending on the type of event and the invite list, sometimes it's best not to send out the invite too far in advance. I can't tell you how many times I've seen people answer - "that's a month away (or more), I don't even know what I'm doing next week." They are not necessarily waiting for something better, they just don't know if they already have something. Basically, they don't keep a calendar.

And I do base my food by adjusting factors for the replies. I usually expect all of the "yes" answers, sometimes 1 or 2 may not make it due to unforseen circumstances. For the "maybe" it's usually 1/3 that make it. The "no"s I don't expect at all. The unanswered/non-responsive folks - usually about 10-20% show up.
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3-11-2009 @1:13PM Amanda said... I've found myself on both sides of this -- forgetful to respond to others' invitations and irritated at my own lack of responses. There are a number of things that make a difference.

1. If someone hasn't hosted guests in a long time, they probably don't remember that the frustration of not knowing who is coming.

2. Laziness. When I get an email that requires a decisive response (be it an invitation, where I want to meet for lunch, or even my bills), if I do not handle it immediately, I simply forget about it until the last minute.

3. No one wants to be the first to respond on a public guest list. It's like being the first person to arrive at a party: awkward.

3. People want to feel out who else will be there before committing. I'm less inclined to come if I think my creepy coworker is showing up with all his weird friends. But wait, your cute brother will be there? Sign me up

4. Plain bad manners.

Maybe the best thing to do is talk to a few friends you KNOW will come. Invite them first so they can all respond yes before everyone else gets the invitation, and have each one of them pick a person or two to ask whether they're attending and mention that you've been checking on responses.
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3-12-2009 @5:26AM Ann said... The best way out is to -

1.Involve your guests in deciding on the date. Unless its a birthday or anniversary or where you are set on throwing the party on a particular date.
Purpletrail.com an online invitatiob service has a inbuilt consensus builder which helps you decide on a date that works for most of the guests.

2. Engage your guests with your online invite. Pique their interest with photos, videos , witty oneliners. PurpleTrail.com has a inbuilt chat messenger where you could chat with your guests and also upload photos, videos to share with your guests.

Read more here ..
RSVP's - How to get the most responses to your invite http://twurl.nl/kf1q0t

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