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Lately, I've been revisiting some of my very favorite food literature, reveling in the beauty of the prose and refreshing my memory of the timeless kitchen wisdom of writers like Richard Olney, Laurie Colwin, and, most exuberantly, Julia Child. Her posthumously published memoir, My Life in France, is a classic after a little under three years on the shelves. If you haven't yet read it, I envy you the delight of your first encounter with it. The pages are studded with literary gems, but the most resonant (and hard to follow) piece of advice for me is this admonition: No matter how a dish turns out, do not pan (excuse the pun) your own food to your guests. Are you guilty of this? I certainly am.
It's so easy to slip into the habit. "The sauce is thinner than I intended." "You may have to add salt; I never season enough." "Sorry for the burnt taste. This is my first attempt at a Bacon Explosion." When I'm in the guest's chair, I'm fully aware that all this apology and self-deprecation comes off as a desperate plea for praise. But as a cook, it's all too tempting to take every opportunity to remind whomever's eating my less-than-perfect cuisine that I can actually do much better.
If someone keeps telling me that her mouth is too big for her face, eventually I'll probably accept it as fact whereas I never would have noticed on my own. Similarly, if you tell me you used a heavy hand with the cumin, that's all I'll taste. Unless we tell them, nobody but we cooks will ever know what the dish was supposed to taste like, so let's all try to bite our tongues and let our guests enjoy what we've quite generously prepared for them.
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2-19-2009 @4:05PM Monika said... I sometimes get self-deprecating for an entirely different reason. I can't stand it when my overly polite friends will rant and rave with each bite "this is wonderful!," "amazing!," "so good!" ... when a certain thing didn't turn out well. I like genuine praise, but when I can tell that it's heading into polite territory, I feel the overwhelming urge to set 'em straight. :)
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2-19-2009 @7:24PM TinyMe said... I am so guilty of this. I think I'm my own worst critic most of the time. I just need to learn to be quiet and make a note next to the recipe instead.
http://tinyme.typepad.com/
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2-19-2009 @10:05PM doodoolemonque said... My mom had to teach herself to boil water after she and my dad were married 65 years ago. Though she doesn't hit the skillets quite as much as she used to, I'll never forget how she used to squeeze us for compliments. We were, like so many teens, mostly something short of total consciousness, so it wasn't surprising that we consistently failed to acknowledge her efforts. At her urging, we would respond with the appropriate words of thanks to which she would invariably respond. "Please! Don't give the cook any credit!" "No ma, its really good." By then it was too late. Over and over we heard "Please! Don't give the cook any credit!"
My mom later took 2 golds in the Jewish Special Olympics in the guilt competition. She's so awesome.
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2-19-2009 @11:19PM Megan said... I never say that when I cook for anyone else. But then again, I also don't say "Come on in, excuse the mess" or "Here's a picture of my vacation, ignore my bad hair."
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2-20-2009 @12:25AM Kathy said... Guilty as charged! Isn't it funny how different it sounds coming from another person than it does the moment it leaves our own lips? Simple wisdom is a wonderful thing.
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2-20-2009 @10:16AM Tracy said... I do this all the time and even as I'm doing it, I know I shouldn't be. I think it is just a nervous habit for me. You've reminded me to keep working on it. Thanks.
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2-23-2009 @6:00PM Stephanie said... I just finished reading that book and totally LOVED it. And yes, I am sometimes guilty of the same thing, but will try to remember Julia's words-- even when something is barely edible!
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