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God knows, I resisted. The bizarre news that Starbucks will soon be releasing "VIA Ready Brew," an instant coffee line has been in the news for a few days now, but I've fought the temptation to attack the coffee retailer. After all, while I'm not a fan of Starbucks, there isn't really any joy in watching a company that built its reputation on the cafe experience sell out its customers for a quick buck. Mediocrity is depressing, even when it is undertaken by a huge, menacing corporation.It's not like this hasn't been in the cards for a while. After all, the Starbucks marketing leviathan has long since squeezed out numerous independent retailers with its insane market saturation. Along the way, they have sold pretty much everything related to the coffee experience, from mugs to t-shirts, truffles to beans. In the past few years, the name "Starbucks" has become to coffee what McDonald's is to hamburgers, Kleenex is to tissues, and Roto Rooter is to septic systems: it is almost a generic term for a completely commodified service.
Still, I managed to resist the urge to attack Starbucks as they take this final step on the road to self-parody. However, when the company's CEO, Howard Schultz, tried to justify the decision in an editorial on the Huffington Post, I couldn't hold back any longer. Anyone who enjoys watching a corporate tool use self-important business-speak to justify an untenable decision should definitely give it a peek. Schultz begins with a brief analysis of the huge instant coffee market, followed by an explanation of how the chain's core audience will love the new product line. For a final flourish, Schultz ends with a strangely out-of-touch analysis of the company's patrons.
In Schultz's view, Starbucks' customers are value-minded individuals who appreciate quality but expect to get a lot for their money. "The Simplifiers," as he calls them, are sure to embrace the (relative) cost-effectiveness of the new line, thankful for the opportunity to enjoy "a cup of Starbucks VIA ready-brew on a mountaintop."
The thing of it is, it's hard to imagine a world in which paying four bucks for a cup of burned-tasting coffee and half a pound of whipped cream is a thoughtful, value-packed investment. Moreover, one has to wonder if Schultz's "Simplifiers" have ever heard of a thermos. After all, loading up a cup of pre-made coffee is a hell of a lot easier than trucking a camp stove, water, and coffee up to the top of Old Smoky.
On the bright side, at least the name is a definite improvement over most of Starbucks' tortured misapplications of the Italian language. After all, "via" is the Italian word for road, and, if past history is any judge, the coffee will probably taste like asphalt. It's nice to know that, in one way at least, the chain is taking a solid step forward.
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2-17-2009 @7:18PM summerofgeorge06 said... One may call a company offering their customers a lower cost version of a product "selling out." Others may call it price discrimination. It happens all the time from Anheiser-Busch (InBev) selling Budweiser and Natural Light to Microsoft selling an xbox 360 "Arcade" version sans hard drive to GAP owning both Old Navy and Banana Republic. Toyota sells Scions to the kids and Lexus to the grandparents. Even at Starbucks one could opt for a tall coffee (~$1.50) or a venti soy half-caf non-fat cappucino (I couldn't even venture a guess, but probably considerably more than $1.50). Starbucks only needs to worry about the harm done to it's brand, but given the current economic climate I don't think that will be a problem.
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2-17-2009 @7:36PM Cecil said... Good rant, I wonder what would this post look like of you didn't resist.
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2-17-2009 @7:37PM Bruce Watson said... Cecile-
I tried. I tried so hard. But, in the end, resistance was futile...
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2-17-2009 @7:46PM Hammer said... "Schultz ends with a strangely out-of-touch analysis of the company's patrons."
Nah, I'd say it's accurate.
Most of what your average Starbucks devotee knows about coffee is corporate bullshit vomited by Starbucks marketing department anyway. They'll just drink this shit up with there genuine Columbian Mocha-Frappe, but at the end of the day it's just the same bullshit that a company that wants to kills good food has been spewing for a decade+
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2-17-2009 @8:53PM DanB said... After all, the Starbucks marketing leviathan has long since squeezed out numerous independent retailers with its insane market saturation.
Really? Where?
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2-17-2009 @9:20PM Leigh said... Oh? Starbucks sells coffee? I thought they sold flavored warm milk.
I'm not too worked up over this, the coffee plays such a small part in most of their best-selling drinks, they could be selling people Sam's Club coffee and most people wouldn't notice.
How about Seattle's Best, DanB? How about the contracts that they sign with building owners and block renovation committees to assure that they don't allow any other coffee stands nearby, and that existing ones aren't allowed to renew their leases? Google it, you asked the question, the answers are out there.
In my own small town, Starbucks moved in across the street from where one coffee shop had been in business for 30 years, and next door to one that had been open for 5+years. Was there other retail space available for them? Hell yes.
I'm all for capitalism, but don't act like large chain stores in America aren't pushing out smaller, previously existing stores and shops. You can NOT compete with their buying power, you can not compete with their prices, and you can not compete with their advertising budget. Walmart, Starbucks, Taco Bell, Oil Can Henry's, Best Buy, Home Depot, the list goes on and on. Every town in America begins to look about the same, doesn't it?
It's the nature of the beast. Pretending it doesn't happen doesn't make you right.
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2-18-2009 @8:57AM Gobo said... I honestly don't see the issue with Starbucks entering the instant-coffee market. Their Doubleshot and bottled Frapucchino brands are doing very well in the market; this is just another way to push their brand. And since nobody's actually tried their new instant coffee yet -- which, they claim, will change the way people think about instant -- I'd suggest we wait and see before condemning it.
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2-18-2009 @11:20AM drewby said... Starbucks tries to increase sales during a time when (presumably) fewer people are lining up in their stores... remind me again why this is evil? Plus, last time I checked part time baristas are eligible for health insurance, which is probably not too likely at most mom-and-pop small town coffee shops. Ultimately, people vote with their coffee dollars. How is this different from any other company offering a new product? Either it sells or it doesn't...
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2-18-2009 @11:29AM Astin said... Glad to see someone posting here that gladly takes a chunk out of Starbucks and their craptacular coffee.
That said, them selling instant coffee falls right in line with their "sell crap, tell people it's gold" mentality, so I don't see how it's any worse than the norm for Starbucks. I'm afraid to ask what's involved in the making of this new abomination. Instant coffee is gross at the best of times.
As for climbing a mountain, a true coffee geek would bring fresh roasted beans, a small grinder (or mortar and pestle), and a portable coffee maker. Or at least fresh grounds and a coffee maker.
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2-18-2009 @1:06PM Gobo said... "Instant coffee is gross at the best of times."
Once again, I think it's pretty stupid to criticize a product you haven't actually tasted. Their new instant might be terrible, but it might also be a revelation. You don't know, and neither do I. Let's wait until it's available before damning the stuff.
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