Years ago, when I was preparing to propose to my wife, I worked with a goldsmith to design a beautiful engagement ring. However, given that I was popping the question in Poland, I thought it best to also pick up a cheaper ring that, while unique, was a bit less expensive. After all, losing a $100 ring while backpacking through Eastern Europe is tough, but losing one that cost a few thousand dollars would be hard to deal with.

Anyway, I decided on a simple silver ring with an engraved lyric on the outside. Since one of my wife's favorite songsmiths is 50 Cent, I chose one of his more famous lines (and one of her favorites) for the inscription. Unfortunately, Wal-Mart found the quote somewhat obscene, and refused to do the engraving. In fact, when I suggested the inclusion of ampersands, asterisks, and "at" signs in lieu of certain key letters, they (somewhat aggressively) asked me to leave the jewelry area.

With this in mind, I feel a certain kinship with poor Adolf Hitler Campbell, of Hunterdon County, New Jersey. A ShopRite in nearby Easton, Pennsylvania apparently refused to write the young boy's name on top of a cake, stating that the store reserves the right to refuse any inscription that they deem inappropriate. This is, apparently, the Campbells' third unsuccessful attempt to get the ShopRite to make a cake for their son; one time, they also asked to have a swastika included in the design.

When this story found its way into the local papers, Campbell responded by stating that he chose to call his son Adolf Hitler because he liked the name. He went on to note that "[our new President] says its time for a change [...] they need to accept the name." While I don't find the name Adolf Hitler particularly sonorous, I'm also not a fan of the names of Campbell's other two kids, JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell and Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell. Then again, my daughter, Idi Amin Dada Watson, and I agree that parents should be free to name their kids whatever they want. My cat, Pol Pot Meow Meow Watson concurs.

I only have three questions:

1. What kind of sadistic parent puts his kid's middle name on a cake? My middle name, Wallace, isn't particularly bad, but I would still have gotten a little upset if my parents chose to flaunt it in front of all my birthday guests.

2. Why keep going back to the same ShopRite? Does Mr. Campbell think that their policy is going to suddenly change? Seriously, move on and find another bakery.

3. If it's really all about the cake, why not pick up a couple of tubes of decorator icing and do their own lettering?

At any rate, the Campbells ultimately found a company that was willing to write little Addie's full name on the cake. I'll give you three guesses who it was.

Wal-Mart. Seriously.