Are you a Recipe Sharer or a Recipe Horder?

12-01-2008 @12:04AM da_vid said... Yeah, I agree. I share the recipe, but I find that it's the technique in cooking that really distinguishes my cooking from others.

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11-29-2008 @11:59AM Rt said... Let's play Dr. Phool :)

This may be about insecurity. Low self esteem people hoard. They fear giving away anything someone likes about them would diminish their usefulness (ergo, self worth). Perhaps the recipe is so simple they are afraid they will be thot less of if their 'secret' is out (especially if half the ingredients come from a box :).

Perhaps it is snobbery. The 'I can do something better thay you' attitude. Once the skills are equal the person 'loses rank'. This is often accompanied with the use of elitist ingredients and specialized cookware (best if it has a chef's name on it :). A snob may be able to make a great dish, but they are seldom a great guest.

Perhaps it is more benign. The person doesn't make anything the same way twice. Recipes are great for the beginner but generally left unused by people who have made the dish several times/ways. Giving a 'generic' recipe could diminish the dish (did I remember everything?, which one was the best one I made?) and may be considered insulting to the recipient - 'everyone should learn how to create' (but the recipient certainly doesn't see it that way).

Perhaps they are jaded - too many requests that seem artificial. Perhaps they share with some but not others. Perhaps the requester doesn't want to do the writing and neither does the cook. These people have to see how they feel at the moment. If they say, 'I'll send it to you' don't count on it :)

People who share have fewer motivations. They are generally confident enuf to help others, friendly enuf to do so, and (sometimes) gracious enuf to ask for a specific recipe that they 'just love' in return (to repay the compliment).

Sorry, slow weekend. I share, and that's why I like email, but not everyone uses the internet.
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11-29-2008 @12:02PM affidavid said... Here's my problem: my mother-in-law raves over my recipes and gets indignant if I don't share. To her it's an insult. But when I share my recipes with her she makes substitutions right and left (garlic salt for fresh garlic, swapping out ingredients like "vegetables I don't like"), feeds them to other people and tells them they're my recipe, then complains when they don't turn out right and people don't rave at her versions the way they do over mine.

For me the hoarding is an act of preservation over my careful preparation, over the time it took me to get something right and consistent, and to not have mt mother-in-law besmirch my hard work and efforts.

My wife's mother isn't the only one. We have neighbors who do the same thing. Holding my recipes allows me to bring something to a potluck, or serve at dinner parties without them having become too familiar.

My daughters, on the other hand, are learning all my recipes and have already begun to show an aptitude for understanding the differences between my recipes and those their grandmother butchers. And they understand the reasons behind the choices I make and will, no doubt, be able to adapt them to their own when they're older without ruin.

Finally, many of my recipes are the result of hard work researching and experimenting. I find those who ask for my recipes never bother to create, share, or research their own recipes. I have shared some recipes in the past, but usually to those who will take care with them and have shared their own efforts. It's a barter, you don't just give away your labor without some reciprocity. Call it hoarding or selfish if you want, I find it insulting to think that I should have to give up something on demand just because they feel entitled to it.
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11-29-2008 @2:10PM Rt said... Dr. Phool says,

Affi:
Be kind to older people who grew up with powdered ingredients - fresh was local only (the '100 mile' people amuse me).

Be kind to people who modify recipes to suit their tastes. Besides the presidential (George H.) aversion to broccoli there are many people who would rather not eat certain ingredients (my aunt loathes rasins). Many dishes adapt well to a variety of ingredients.

People who credit you may either be kind, or, more likely, afraid. They know they didn't do as well as you and won't accept personal responsility. The only solution is to keep 'flooding the market' with your own creations so everyone recognizes the difference - a poor imitation is a poor imitation, and people can tell.

Nabors are a little easier to deal with - a polite, 'it's a family secret' should do. Outlaws are a more delicate matter. If your wife is on your side this gets easier. A compromise would be to give the 'generic' recipe (an overview) with suggestions based on her taste. This may not stop her from saying it is your recipe but if she shares it with others at least you have the 'authentic' one.

"I find those who ask for my recipes never bother to create, share, or research their own recipes." Have you asked for theirs? Most people will not share unless asked, that would seem presumptuous.

"...I find it insulting to think that I should have to give up...". Why it is not complimentary I can't imagine, unless the word "have" implies you have no choice - as if you are some subservient being. Take the upper hand and compromise with these people, confidence is learned from experience.
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11-29-2008 @3:27PM Pyrofish said... I wish the rest of my family would take up some of the recipes I make that they love. It would free me up to move into other areas that I don't have time to play in.

Growing up, I always thought my stepmother and her family could cook. Somewhere they got lazy, or my tastes evolved, something happened. Now I see their shortcuts. So when they cook something that's not great, I research it, test it, research some more, and finally come up with something that we all agree is great. I always tell them, "I'm doing this for you. Now you can take this technique and recipe further". Unfortunately, when I make something that they really like, they just quit making theirs and keep asking me to make it....

They always ask for the recipe, then when I get into the techniques they just just say it's too complicated for them. Well the techniques are half the battle. Rather than learn to do it right, they want a canned shortcut... Something as easy as no-knead bread... they devour it when it's around, but get someone else to take over making it? Yeah right. Too much planning involved.

I'm stuck in a culinary vacuum of a family I'm afraid. So now I just share everything. They won't make most of it because it has too many ingredients, or uses a tool they don't have. Whatever, they ask, I share, and I look like a king :-)
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11-29-2008 @5:23PM Rt said... Dr. Phool says,

Pyrofish:
There is much discussion about which is more vicious - steps or blood :)

"...the recipes I make that they love." Do they say that, or do they mean it? Eating a complete meal may mean appreciation but certain individuals are compelled regardless of pleasure. If you have not heard of the 'clean your plate club' this may escape you (compliments are equally obligatory). The fact that you like to "play" with food recipes indicates a freedom many people may not share. Beware of food fads your audience may not appreciate.

"Growing up,..." One always matures, whether one likes it or not. Your perceptions or circumstances may change. My 86 year old mother is not the hostess she used to be, that said, I will never equal her skills. Perhaps you have evolved past their ability, or you just feel you you have. All that said, I have learned from my elders - and she is still a kick-ass hostess (people are in her home about once a month - mine maybe once a year). Take what you have learned and go with it. When it comes to "...asking me to make it...." that is a different matter, not related to recipes.

"Well the techniques are half the battle." Then give them the overview and move on - quit obsessing about details. They may find a technique they like better (horrors!). In any case you shared what you had. Are you happy with that, or do you want to control?

Are you trying to tell them how and what to cook, or are you sharing a recipe?
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11-30-2008 @7:52AM Chip said... Having been a collector first of cookbooks and now recipes for a long time, the question begs a comparison to athletes vs fans. As a fan of cooking I do not feel the need to run out on the field and compete with those kitchen athletes. I am happy to just "watch" and not produce.

Having collected and collated well over 100,000 recipes over the last 5 years, many times what is called sharing is in fact stripping a prior recipe and then posting without giving credit. Many times only a one word change in the title is the only difference.

With hiding behind "posted by" or copyrighting by papers with "adapted from" it is very difficult to determine sources.

I having notice that when "googling" a recipe with an ingredient error. many times the error is carried into dozens of sites with the error unchanged but no credit given to source.

This leads me to wonder what the true creativity is vs the "re gifting"

Chip
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11-30-2008 @8:37AM Pyrofish said... RT, I'm always leery of praise from family and friends. And I'm certainly a member of the "clean-your-plate" club :-) There are signs to their enjoyment though. Going back for thirds, raving about my cooking to their friends when I'm not around, the word of the young one (so honest in their criticisms) and last but not least, the sometimes lukewarm response to some other more experimental recipes.

Seeing what only receives the, "mmm that's good Jason", and having left-overs, let's me know what needs work. I know the kindness code :-)

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11-30-2008 @1:00PM mewyn said... For me, I don't share all too often, mostly because I'm not often asked (many of my friends and family don't cook, a shame). There is another aspect to it as well, many of my recipes don't have a written incarnation, others started as a written recipe but have evolved from that to something better without being written down and the measures stripped from it. (I do a lot of eyeballing the ingredients when I cook).

I am also cautious about who I do teach my recipes to. It's more of I'd like to make sure they are able to do my ideas justice. There are friends and family of mine out there who will make inappropriate substitutions and won't be able to estimate the proportions right. And as far as strangers getting my recipes... wouldn't you like to know ;)
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11-30-2008 @5:07PM Rt said... Pyro,

LOL, "I know the kindness code :-)" No kidd'n. My mother is of that school - I would really have to screw something up to get a bad review (but then I would already know).

"Going back for thirds" is a sure-fire indicator of the love of a recipe.

If you want others to cook you have to do a worse job than they do. Then they will jump in to avoid being at your mercy.

You are stuck in your role because you are so good at it. Hopefully you don't have to do the dishes as well :)
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12-01-2008 @5:47PM Sarah said... I am a sharer by all means - cooking is my life and what pays the bills.
In the end though I hope that my success and failures will help others :-)

I do think though that the older generations hoarded for a reason - they wanted something that would set them apart from others - like having a special cake or casserole.

In the end though everyone cooks different....

http://gazingin.wordpress.com/
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12-05-2008 @10:44AM Stephanie said... I would not say I am a recipe hoarder, but I am not a free sharer either. I have a recipe for lemon bars that I will not give out. Why not? Well, if something is my "signature" dish I bring to potlucks, etc., I feel a certain amount of ownership to it. When I moved away after graduate school, I did give the recipe to a good friend in that town. She was beyond thrilled to get it, and felt honored that I had entrusted her with the recipe. Almost any other recipe I gladly share-- but not that one.

On the other hand, there are plenty of recipes I have collected, used and modified over the years that I freely share. For example, one of my sons has an egg allergy, so I have had to modify and experiment with a lot of baking recipes. I am happy to share any and all of those recipes, because I understand how hard it can be to find good egg-free recipes.
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