One of my favorite scenes in The Godfather comes shortly after Don Vito's shooting. Sonny Corleone is sitting in his father's office, surrounded by advisors, desperately trying to reach the brutal Luca Brasi. After a while, someone hands him a package containing Brasi's bulletproof vest wrapped around a huge, dead fish. In his somber voice, Clemenza tells the room "It's an old Sicilian message: Luca Brasi sleeps with the fishes." While the image of the "black spot" is at least as old as Robert Louis Stevenson, food always adds an extra dash of meaning. Whether it's sleeping with the fishes or grabbing the cannoli, there's something particularly powerful about the juxtaposition of food and death. Unfortunately, however, these messages need to be delivered fairly quickly, a fact that was recently demonstrated by the offices of Congressman John Boehner, one of the architects of the Wall Street Bailout.
A couple of days ago, Congressman Boehner's Ohio office received a greasy, dripping package in the mail. Fearing that it might contain a bomb or other dangerous cargo, the staffers contacted the Capitol Police, who urged them to talk to local law enforcement. Within a few hours, a bomb squad member was carting out the envelope. After an x-ray, the police concluded that the bundle contained bacon, conveying a voter's irritation at "pork barrel" spending.
While the message was definitely powerful, there was one minor problem: bacon fat has a fairly low melting point. Since the voter sent the package from Georgia, it took a couple of days to reach its destination. Along the way, the rendered fat soaked through the wrapping, yielding the greasy mess that ultimately convinced the Congressman's office to call the authorities.
There is no word yet on whether or not the police will be tracking down the package sender and charging him or her with reckless endangerment or some other crime. Regardless, the message is clear: if you are filled with an uncontrollable desire to send an elected official a food-based warning and don't want to end up taking a one-way trip to Guantanamo, be sure to seal the package carefully, spring for a heatproof container, or invest in next-day delivery!
