I saw Sarah Palin in my toast! (I don't want to tell you where John McCain showed up...)

The worst things about religious portents is that they are so hard to interpret. When Mary shows up in a tortilla or Jesus makes Himself known in a sliced cantaloupe, are these divine figures endorsing the food or warning that we should probably not eat it? Is an Elvis portrait in a ham steak a sign that he wants us to enjoy pork or is it a veiled commentary on the King's acting skills? If Judy Garland talks to me through my Rice Krispies, is this a sign that I should become a female impersonator or just a warning that I need to start taking my medication again?

Tough questions.

These sorts of conundrums recently gained further relevance with the emergence of a slab of toast that bears the image of Sarah Palin. The starchy message from heaven, which is currently going for $31 on eBay, is not particularly easy to interpret. Does it mean that the famed moose-hunter and Republican vice presidential candidate is divinely inspired, or is it a sign that her message is full of empty calories? Are we supposed to consume her platform, making it part of us, or is the universe telling us that she is toast? Either way, I'm taking a good, hard look at my waffle tomorrow--just in case John McCain decides to make an appearance!