Warning: this post may offend people who like cute little furry guinea pigs.

A few days ago, I wrote a post about chicha morada, the amazing Peruvian blue corn drink. Thinking on it further, I am becoming increasingly convinced that Peru produces some of the best dishes in the world; with that in mind, I plan on writing a fair bit more about the wonders of lomo saltado, papas a la huancaina, and other treats. However, in the interests of total honesty, I also have to acknowledge the dark side of Peruvian cuisine, the surreal side, the side that dresses up guinea pigs in colorful costumes then roasts them with cheese.

The twisted tale of the Peruvian Guinea Pig Festival begins in a cute, whimsical way. In the small city of Huacho, located north of Lima, somebody came up with the bright idea of holding a regional carnival to honor the cuy, or guinea pig. Now in its third year, the event features contests for fattest, quickest, and best dressed cuy. People from the surrounding communities primp and preen their top animals, preparing them for the race and dressing them in the height of rodent fashion. It is not uncommon to see the animals dressed in bright silks and taffetas, sporting little hats and crowns, and generally looking like a cross between a fur mitten and the infant of Prague.

While the winners of the fastest and best dressed contests are spared from the final competition, the remainder of the cuy become fodder for the greatest test of all, a battle royale that pits woman against woman, village against village, and cuy against cuy: the fight for tastiest guinea pig. Amidst an orgy of stuffing, roasting, skewering and smoking, the women of Peru demonstrate their skill with one of the country's traditional delicacies.

When I was a kid, my sister had a guinea pig, and I was often stuck feeding the sharp-toothed little monster. While I sometimes thought about transforming Trevor into a pair of earmuffs, I have to tip my hat to the fine people of Huacho: even in my wildest moments, I couldn't have imagined dressing my sister's pet up like a character in a Christmas pageant and making him run around a track before popping him in the oven!