Pity my poor kids. Forced to eat the slop I make for them. No doubt they'll grow up with horror stories to tell their friends. Like the time their mom made them Rice with chicken crap. Or any one of a dozen other examples. Home cooking may be an expression of love, but in my case, perhaps I'd better content myself with buying them more Nintendo chips.

Then I got to thinking: What could one get the mom who can't cook -- but is forever trying?

The basics: I'd start with a nice new copy of Mark Bittman's How to Cook Everything. It's the Joy of Cooking for our generation, a large yellow tome featuring the basics of roast chicken and chocolate chip cookies. Foodies might sneer at its simple level, but everyone has to start somewhere, right? And if Mom is starting late, gently help her along in her cooking adventures with a book that will hold her hand down the road. The recipes are simple, and more likely to turn out than not.How about some cooking classes? Sur la Table offers a full roster of classes, from the basics to the specifics, in a location bound to be somewhat convenient for you. For about $70, you could sign mom up for a class in Essential Knife Skills, so she finally learns how to cut an onion the right way. Here in L.A., you could hook Mom up with the fine folks at Hip Cook, where she can learn how to prepare a dinner party in a relaxed, homey setting (with wine!) They offer gift certificates! Or if she wants a little more formal training, there's always the local cooking schools. tktktktk

Equipment is always good. If Mom wants to learn, she has to have the right stuff. There are lots of sites on the internets that'll tell you what you need to stock a kitchen. I like this very basic list at Mia Cucina, but I run down my own short list below. It's far from complete, obviously. But might as well start with the good stuff. And if Mom really is interested in cooking...get her started on the right foot.

Cooks, both professional and otherwise agree: Everyone needs a good chef's knife. A well-made knife makes chopping easier, and with ease comes confidence (although maybe you want to pair this gift with a class on essential knife skills. Mommy will always need her fingers more than she needs a good mirepoix, yes?)

A quality chef's knife is an investment that will last Mom years if she learns how to treat it right. But they can be pricey, even at the low end. Probably best not to pop for the nearly $200 Kasumi Titanium knife at this point, but how about the $100 Wusthof classic 8-inch chef's knife? Of course, then you need to remind her to keep it sharpened, which is adding another responsibility to her vast list. Still, it's worthwhile if you want to encourage her to start cooking better. Here's an affordable option: The Henckels International Eversharp 8-inch stainless steel chef's knife. A bargain at $12, and it never needs to be sharpened.

A set of mixing bowls and wooden spoons. Bowls are bowls are bowls. No need to get hi-falutin' about it. What mom won't love these red stoneware bowls from Target? Only $25. Find a wealth of quality, affordable wooden spoons at Kohl's. And since organization is key to any cooking effort, help mom along with someplace to keep her wooden utensils. The pink Le Creuset poterie crock in the picture at right can be had for $35 at Sur La Table -- pink spatulas are extra, but worth it.

A Dutch oven of her very own. If you're going to buy Mom one piece of crockery guaranteed to inspire her in the kitchen, present her with a Le Crueset Dutch oven. (Actually, being a French company, Le Creuset refers to its enamel-coated ironware as "French" ovens.) Yes, there are cheaper quality options out there, but this one is the, pardon the expression, mother of all Dutch ovens. Extremely versatile (you can basically cook anything in it, on the stove or in the oven) and guaranteed to outlive her, it's an investment in good faith. With such a beauty, what mom wouldn't be inspired? There are some discounted ones here,(plus free shipping on orders over $99) but for the full range of tantalizing colors, you have to go here. Good luck picking a color.

Finally, a subscription to Martha Stewart's Everyday Food, a clever little magazine (it's the size of a paperback book) that comes every month filled with simple recipes even your mom can manage, each one broken down into idiot-proof photos and ingredient lists.

So good luck with it! Hopefully Mom will reward you next Sunday with something home-cooked...and edible for once!