In this week's Modern Love column in the New York Times, Suzanne Finnamore writes about how she and her husband fell in love - and out of love - over the course of many sumptuous homemade meals. She seduces him by delivering tubs of her cabbage and rice soup with Gruyere croutons to his office. Even when she didn't have time to cook, would pass off fancy takeout as her own creations. He debones chickens for her, and brings her coffee and pastries in bed. Love. Sigh.
But before too long they're eating hurried family dinners, using bottle salad dressing (oh horrors!) and pre-cut chicken parts. By the end they're each eating Thai takeout alone over the computer and fighting over who gets to go to the store for more butter and who has to stay home with the baby. He whines about the ratio of vermouth to vodka in the martinis she still fixes for him. She stops buying his favorite cheese. Divorce. The End.
Ignoring the rather desperate-seeming act of bringing a new boyfriend soup at work, and the bald fakery of pretending you made the deli takeout, it's kind of a cute article. Kind of. I'm not quite sure if the author is trying to show that bad food helped end the relationship (surely even the most gourmet of busy new parents resort to quick frozen chicken dinners) or that bad food was simply a sign that neither of them cared anymore.
Have you ever gone over the top trying to seduce someone with your culinary skills? What kind of dishes did you make? Did you regret not being able to keep up the high level cookery after your relationship settled into a routine? Or do you and your significant other still enjoy osso bucco and chocolate-hazelnut tarts every Saturday night?











Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
4-07-2008 @ 11:55AM
beanspants said...
she would "pass off fancy take-out as her own creations"? maybe their relationship failed because it was based on the inability of both to tell the truth about the smallest things, which makes it real easy to lie about the big ones.
Reply
4-07-2008 @ 11:55AM
R. P. McMurphy said...
Sure I have!
http://randallpmcmurphy.blogspot.com/2008/02/this-weekends-dinner.html
Here was valentines day...
http://randallpmcmurphy.blogspot.com/2008/02/some-cooking-updates.html
and here is a meal she cooked me the other day....
http://randallpmcmurphy.blogspot.com/2008/03/laurie-made-some-sesame-pork-chops-with.html
we cook very well together.....heck, just last night, we opted for some canned soup, but had a lefover subroll so she made little crostinis, and i instinctively made a little fondue with some gruyer cheese...
Reply
4-07-2008 @ 12:56PM
jehan said...
My relationship with my Girl started largely because we have an awesome shared interest in cooking. Many of our first dates were cooking one another's houses. We keep inspiring and learning from one another, even as we've gotten to know each other's comfort zones - both in the kitchen and elsewhere. Here's hoping that continues.
Reply
4-07-2008 @ 1:47PM
Kim said...
My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 1/2 years and I don't think we've ever made the same dish twice. My love of food was present when we met, but not nearly at the level it is now.....he taught me to cook with fresh ingredients, make homemade bread and ice cream, and now I wouldn't even think of buying processed food. He made a shrimp curry for me on our second date and I knew it was the start of something good!
Reply
4-07-2008 @ 3:35PM
zenbecca said...
I think my husband has become a little *too* used to my (dare I say) home-cooked dinners, carefully packed lunches, and snacks served up on a tray. While we were dating, it was fun to dote on him and try to impress him with my "fancy" cooking. Now I feel like he takes it for granted...and as far as I'm concerned the novelty has worn off.
Did I mention that he doesn't set the table or help with the dishes? That's a whole topic in and of itself. :sigh:
Reply
4-07-2008 @ 4:37PM
Alex said...
When we were first going out I tried to make my OH's favourite cake (and my most hated) - carrot cake - and it was such a failure even the swans wouldn't eat it!
But we're still doing loads of cooking - especially on the weekends where we always have something new, usually with a carefully chosen wine.
Reply
4-07-2008 @ 7:03PM
Bad Home Cook said...
Nope. That argument doesn't wash. I can barely make pasta and my BF continues to come around, lo these three long years. Whenever I try to make him something special, it's a train wreck. This is only one example:
http://badhomecooking.typepad.com/bad_home_cooking/2007/06/spaghetti_cacio.html
Reply
4-08-2008 @ 2:42AM
K said...
"Have you ever gone over the top trying to seduce someone with your culinary skills?"
Yes. In EVERY relationship I've had. Culinary Skills is subjective. It isn't the gourmet wow factor I'd go for. It was the "comfort factor." Your favorite breakfast is a homemade blueberry muffin? I guarantee you I'll have them for you. You like a certain brand of butter? I'll always have it. I'll try and make childhood favorites for you -- even contact your Mom if I think it will help (and she's nice).
It's funny, that habit of mine had a major impact on my (rather short) marriage. I married a man who was an agricultural product truck driver and he had a route which took him up and down California's delta region, visiting farms in the beautiful San Joaquin Delta area. He seduced me with his stories of pulling over on his lunch break and eating a sandwich on the side of the river, or, pulling out a fishing pole and just getting in a few minutes relaxation on a beautiful morning. Places to eat were far and few between -- would I mind packing a lunch for him sometimes when I had time? Would I?! SURE! I delighted in the knowledge he was eating my carefully constructed lunches, with thermoses of hot beverages and cold, muffins, sandwiches, salads, interesting things which didn't require a microwave but were tasty and varied. He claimed it was the highlight of his day.
One day, however, during an an offhand conversation about his commute and how he was starved at lunch and got a tamale from a truck stand, I asked "What do you mean, what happened to the picnic hamper I packed for you?" He laughed and said "Okay, confession time. That stuff barely makes it 45 minutes. I get in the truck in the morning, open it on the seat, and most of it gone before I ever hit the first freeway. That stuff is more like breakfast than lunch. Sorry."
That crushed me. I just stared at him open mouthed. I could have packed a thermos of coffee and muffins if he had asked, but, to let me pack those lunches for a year, and tell me he would sit on river banks and eat them under the clouds, was all a lie. He said "Well, I did do that. Once. Usually it's just scarf and go."
I'm telling you, it crushed my spirit. The relationship was not going that well anyway, but, THAT DAY, I put away the hamper and never, ever packed it again. If he was going to just shovel food in his mouth without even stopping, then just go to Taco Bell or something. I wasn't going to make a cranberry curry cous cous salad packed in a hollowed out apple ever again. And I didn't. That stopped Year 2, and we divorced Year 3.
Reply
4-08-2008 @ 8:46AM
Mary said...
The first time my husband came over for dinner, I made him a simple meatloaf w/venison sausage....we were engaged a year later, and have been married 4 years now. I still cook for him every day (except Friday...that's my break day!)....because I enjoy it....not because I feel obligated, or I'm trying to get on his good side. Honestly, he is just as happy with a few hot dogs & some potato chips on a plate, rather than a gourmet meal...but he tolerates the gourmet part of my cooking because he knows I love to do it. Definitely a case of opposites attracting! lol
Reply
4-08-2008 @ 9:30AM
kfober said...
The first meal I made for the man I knew I wanted to marry was roasted duck, candied carrots and chocolate mousse from one of those gorgeous picture-cookbooks that I'm not sure many people actually cooks from; the duck was a little drier than that I made during my practice run in my parents' kitchen, but he was impressed nonetheless. He is one of those intuitive cooks who can throw in "a little of this, a little of that" and come up with something amazing, which he did several times when we were dating, which of course impressed me to no end. Fast forward to first day of marriage: I get home from work before he does and have NO idea what to do. I didn't yet know how to think up a meal, so we ate a lot of chicken grilled on the Foreman (I love that thing). Then I discovered SavingDinner.com (thank you Flylady.net!) and started better planning my meals. We rarely ate the same thing twice because I got bored making the same thing over and over and I enjoyed trying new things. We've been married almost 3 years, and I did go through a slump where I didn't plan ahead and had to throw together odds and ends of things we had. I'm back into a routine and am much more comfortable coming up with a meal. My basic formula is a protein and a vegetable or two and they are not high gourmet but I do enjoy finding new recipes and we still very rarely eat the same thing twice. There was a while there when I would be mad that I "had" to cook all the time and "why didn't he help!" (because most of the time I didn't ask him to help and just stewed because he didn't notice I needed help and come running! Which was dumb of me! When I ask he is generally happy to help) but then I realized with him cooking we got great tasting food that is not great for our health (lots of butter, cheese and salt), so I am happy to cook because I know what goes into the food and I am feel good knowing that I am providing healthy, yummy food. He cooks when we need an extra special and fancy dinner and that works just fine.
Reply
4-10-2008 @ 11:38PM
bunny said...
I have cooked to impress, but NEVER faked it. I have always felt that if you fake it, you will be found out and have to "face humiliation".......
One of my early dates with my husband [over 12 years now] was a cooking lesson. I taught him how to make Dim Sum. During another date he taught me to make bread.
Often, we schedule cooking dates with each other. One teaches the other a new dish. I am an "intuitive" cook and he is a "by the recipe" cook. We mesh really well!!!
We also take cooking classes when we travel. We have taken cooking classes all over the world from Singapore to Africa to Thailand.
I also teach cooking classes in our community. I often try out the recipes on my husband to get his input. I try to save class "leftovers" for him to sample.
I guess you could say that we have always enjoyed our meals together....... and I hope we continue to enjoy them with each other forever!!!
Reply