Kids Roaming Free in Restaurants: Mas Tequila Please!

2-25-2008 @10:18AM Shannon said... About to become a parent myself, so this conversation interests me. Two good tips I've picked up so far:

- Always be willing to remove your child from a situation where s/he is misbehaving, even if it's inconvenient to you. That's your lot in life as a parent.

- Be mindful of your child's attention span/energy level/tiredness level and don't force him/her into a long day (shopping, movie, dinner) if s/he can't handle it.

Of course, both of these suggestions put the onus of responsibility on the parent, but I think that's where it belongs. The issue comes when the parent isn't willing to shoulder that responsibility. In that case, will it really matter what you say to the parent? Still, I agree it's worth a try, and it's better to address the parent rather than the child and not put the parent on the defensive if you want to get results.
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2-25-2008 @11:02AM The Postindustrialist said... In addition to gobo's questions, let me add a few of my own:

In the original post, The parents are in a place sipping down margaritas in the establishment as well as others.

If your children are so precious to you, why do you think parents, like you, are bringing them to places with open bars? Why are parents drinking and then settling into their cars with their two year old children, and driving home under the influence? Why are they even at a place where the adults around them are intoxicated to various degrees?

Not only is it socially irresponsible, it's parentally irresponsible too.
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2-25-2008 @10:51AM David P said... I must stress, it is important to take children out to restaurants and teach them good manners and show them how to eat with other people around.

For example, my wife and I take our four year old son out every Friday. He knows that when we're out, he has to sit at the table, chew with his mouth closed, use forks and knives, etc.

We also bring lots of coloring books and toys for when mommy and daddy are talking. But we engage him. We talk to him (he's currently the world's biggest Barack Obama supporter). But he knows if he chews with his mouth open or has bad manners at the table, we'll go home. And we've done it before.

But no, parents shouldn't be immune to their children's bad behaviour in public. Also, parents need to hold down the liquor consumption when out with kids. I might have a beer or a glass of wine, but I'm not having more than two.
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2-25-2008 @10:58AM calamari said... What puzzles me about the parents who argue that their devotion to their children comes before other diners' comfort is that running around restaurants is a SAFETY issue. Why aren't you worried that little Dakota and tiny Ashley will slam into a waiter and be doused with hot food or, worse yet, surrounded with slivers of broken glass and plates?
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2-25-2008 @11:34AM Courtney said... Oh no, it is certainly not ok to be downing margaritas when I am taking care of my child. I get a babysitter when I want to go out and have adult beverages without my child. I MIGHT have a glass of wine or beer when I'm out with my child; and my fiance doesn't drink, but we'd never risk our child's life for a few margaritas at the bar.

And I second the poster who said it is important to train your children to behave at restaurants. The way I acted in restaurants and the way my cousins that were a few years younger than me acted are two different things. My cousins were never taken to restaurants until they were about 5 and when that happened they raised heck all over the place... we were embarrassed just being seen with them at restaurants. So much that my mom and dad refused to go anywhere with then again. I was taken in and out of restaurants since I was born and knew how to behave.

I also agree with the safety issues presented above... I would never let my child run around a restaurant, I'd be afraid someone might kidnap him or like mentioned above hurt himself.
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2-25-2008 @1:05PM beanspants said... every uncle julios i've ever been in has concrete floors, high ceilings, and open dining spaces which makes the restaurant sound way louder than it actually is. yeah, it's a real blast screaming at the person beside you so they can hear you during a normal business lunch.

which is why i can't stand the place. even if the food is good (which is sort of debatable) the ambiance is below McDonalds into Chucky Cheese Land.

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2-25-2008 @1:23PM Richard Ahlquist said... My wife and I had a strict personal belief that if my kid could not behave in a manner consistent with the other clientèle in a restaurant then we didn't belong there with her (our daughter). Once she was old enough to behave and not squeal scream or otherwise bother others then my wife and I decided we were allowed to again frequent more adult places like Red Lobster and places of that type. Until that time we relegated ourselves to places like McDonalds.

Parents who allow their children to behave like this I have found, to also be of the type, who believe that its no more their fiscal responsibility to please you than it is to be their disciplinary responsibility. So for example I am willing to bet the parents of those hell raisers are as likely as not unable to afford to care of those kids in a responsible manner and perhaps were even unable to pay for the birth of these children and likely looked to the state to provide the financial means to bring them into this world. In other words they think by simply being able to breathe they are entitled to bring forth life in this world and if they cant take care of it someone else will.
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2-25-2008 @5:04PM Stephanie said... We regularly (1x/week) take my kids (3&5) to "family friendly" (read as loud) restaurants. We do expect them to behave. Our kids have never even tried to run around the restaurants (I think the yank on the arm would stop them if they even tried). The 3 year old does occasionally use his "outdoor voice". I think my kids like going out to dinner (it is a treat for them) so much that they don't want to risk not being able to with bad behavoir.
As far as the question of how to approach me if my kids are misbehaving-- that depends. If my kids are mishaving, you see me, and I am oblivous -- tell me, I want to know and will discipline my kids. If my kids are disturbing your dinner, I want to know it. If you do not see me, you can say something to my kids (e.g., "where is your mom or dad?", "please be careful, you are bumping into my chair", "please lower your voice, we are inside"), but please do not yell at my kids or attempt to discipline them. This is my point of view-- I am sure there are parents who will say do not even speak to their child, but I am willing to have others correct my kids behavior as long as it is respectful.
Finally, if you are not comfortable talking to me, speak to the server or manager. They will generally try to be as tackful as possible and let me know what is going on (and that is "not OK"). I think as long as those conversations happen respectfully, then I am fine with it.
I am also frustrated with parents who do not "control" thier childrens behavoir at resturants. In addition to being disruptive to others, it also makes my job harder (I can see in 1-2 years, "but they are running around, why can't I?" but that is a whole other topic.
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2-25-2008 @10:57PM nika said... I don't have a problem with any parent that is attempting to discipline or control their child's behaviour. Kids act up sometimes, heck grownups act up sometimes.

I think it is the weenie parents who abdicate responsibility that I have a real problem with. It's sure not the kids fault. If you don't want the responsibilities of a parent, don't become one.

Also, kids should NEVER be in the bar section, only the restaurant side of the house. Period.
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4-11-2008 @8:35PM LiLi said... This isn't a new thing.

I remember as a child in the early 80s, watching other kids run around in restaurants. I never understood how their parents weren't bending them over right then and there, but I knew I sure as hell wouldn't get away with that behavior.

I can promise you that our two kids don't act like that in restaurants...I can take them to dinner anywhere and they act like civilized people. I know some people in their 20s on up that still don't know how to have a meal in an expensive restaurant.

But that's just a parenting value that I have. Other parents choose their battles differently.
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2-29-2008 @4:33PM ebeth said... I think that there is a fine line regarding having kids in a restaurant. As an ex-waitress and the wife of a restaurant-owning family, no child should be allowed to run amok around a busy restaurant. I am totally sympathetic to needing to have a couple of drinks with my girlfriend, but if you can't get a sitter, meet up a home and make your own 'ritas. Running about in a restaurant is both disruptive and dangerous and I would have not hesitated (as an employee) to mention this to the parents. Even our son had restrictions during business hours to stay out of the dining area and kitchen unless someone was standing with him, and he practically lived in our restaurant.
Now, from a patron's viewpoint, children do not always wish to cooperate and it is not always because the child is undisciplined or the parent just doesn't care. When my husband and I would go out to eat, our son would freak out. Sometimes I would be trying to eat my food as quickly as possible, feed my screaming son, and holding back tears while I viewed the looks of disdain from other diners. Turns out that our son is autistic with sensory processing disorder. He just could not handle being in a busy restaurant. Now, as he has aged, he can handle restaurants better, but sometimes he hides under the table until we leave and I let him. I see all the strange looks from other people but I think of it this way...it is not fair for me to hide myself or my son away just because his behavior does not conform to others. He is not screaming (usually, but we don't let it continue w/o intervention if he is) or running about. He is quietly sitting at my feet or curled up in a ball next to me in a booth. It makes him feel safe and with each outing he feels more comfortable with sitting at the table. If I weren't taking him out at all, he would never be able to adapt to these settings. I guess that the point of all this is that just because a child is crying or acting strange, does not mean that the child is bad and the parents don't discipline. It could just be a bad day.
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2-29-2008 @4:33PM ebeth said... In response to Richard Ahlquist...are you saying that poor people are unable to raise their children responsibly and that more affluential people do not create "hell raisers"? That's a pretty big generalization, isn't it?
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3-02-2008 @10:26PM Vennesa said... My son is 2 years old. I understand that I am completely responsible for him. That said, I can hear him misbehaving and I do not ignore him. If he can not handle himself, he is taken outside to run around until the food is ready. If he still can not behave himself, my husband and I get to-go boxes. We do not push his misbehavior on others who have paid for a nice, relaxing dinner. If you can not get your kid to behave in a restaurant, maybe you should not take him out. Go to Chuck E Cheese!
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3-03-2008 @1:45AM Sonia said... Not one of you have mentioned the fact that the two mothers are going to get into a 2000 lb. machine with the two children, after sitting and drinking. I would have called the police. I would not want to meet them on the hwy. with my 6 kids in the car.
2. I waited tables for 20 yrs. and this happens often in restaurants. Most parent when made aware took care of the situation. Some would say it was my job to be tolerant of their bad behavior. those are also the parents that let there kids make huge messes of the tables and floors. I was told on several occasions it was my job to clean up after their kids. It was not my job to clean up after the kids, it was my job to give quality service. and treat each person as a guest in my home. I did not get paid enough for them to behave that way. Most servers and or wait staff are told not to say any thing to the parents or kids about their behavior. I did anyway.
3. My own kids will tell you if they behaved that way they would be along time ever going out of the house, much less out to eat. I am proud to say they knnow how to behave in public. The major problem with these kids is they were not taught manners by the parents. If they had been taught manners they would not have been behaving badly to begin with. Most not all, but most children today won't even say thank you or please. Who's fault is that, the parents. Kids live what they learn. I commend any parent who teaches their kids manners. The ones who don't shame on them.
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3-03-2008 @2:13AM Sonia said... Richard, Richard that is not necessarily so. I know many wealthy peoople who do not believe in disaplining their kids. That is a half baked idea. Most poor people are proud people and they would not want you or any one to know they were poor. not only that they actually tip better than the wealthy. They have more respect for the hard working person. Iwaited the ill mannered and most othe time it was the snobby upper middle class that allowed the kids to misbehave. Little did they know I probably made mor than they did.
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3-21-2008 @10:19PM Ellen said... I had a similar experience recently. I sat down at a table in a small cafe for lunch with my 11 month old and a group of young children (3-4 year olds) came up to me, started asking me lots of questions and actually sat down at the empty seats at my table. They even continued to ask me questions as I was trying to make a call on my cell phone, talking over me. I asked the children several times, as nicely as I could, to please go sit with their parents. I saw their dad looking on at them and I said to him, "Sir, are these your childeren?" to which I got no response whatsoever. Two hours later, I was confroned by their mother outside who told me that I had no business talking to her kids that way (?????) and that I was a "liar" for saying that I did no such thing. Never mind that she had no idea what I said since she wasn't paying any attention!! She even had the nerve to call me a bitch! I told her where she could go and dished it right back to her, which was a mistake because it only brought me down to her level. This happened three weeks ago and I have thought about it a lot since. I have come to the conclusion that the only real solution would have been to talk to the owner of the cafe first. These kids were too young to understand -and really it is not their fault that they are not getting the proper direction from their parents. Talking to the parents is a bad idea because they will only get defensive. People who don't teach their children respect for others are not likely to be repectful themselves. Like it or not, it is the manager/owner's reponsibility to deal with people -adults or children, when they are disturbing other customers. When my son is old enough to start running around in restaurants, I will either not bring him, be sure he controls himself, or leave if he cannot. Remember-these are PUBLIC places. It is not enough to care only about yourself.
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