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Movie Popcorn

Sharing food with loved ones is one of the greatest joys in my life. Whether it's sitting down for an impromptu cookout with friends after realizing I've made way waayyyy too much brisket, or trading sips of cocktails at a swank bar with my husband, the intimacy of communal consumption is a thing I deeply treasure.

But keep your paws off my movie popcorn.

I don't remember how it started, but it gives me the screaming heebie-jeebies to split a bag, box or tub at the multiplex. I'm at the movies to escape, and thus am not especially pleased when called upon the carpet about my lust for pumpable faux-buttery "golden topping" or, heaven forbid -- forego it for the sake of someone else's calorie skimping. And, as an otherwise dedicated sharer of food, I don't want the worry of polite portion equity getting in the way of my movie enjoyment. I just want to sit back, jam crunchy, oily, salty gobs of popcorn into my mouth, and enjoy the show. My solution? I buy us each our own bag.

Yes, I know it's the biggest financial rip-off known to mankind. Yes, I know it's the nutritional equivalent of eating 37 Big Macs and washing them down with an industrial-sized vat of ranch dressing and a 10-liter bottle of bacon grease. I've also been known to sit through cinematic pocket lint like 'Mona Lisa Smiles' and 'The Patriot' just for the butter and salt fix, so clearly I'm not rattled.

What does worry me is the trend of art houses, at least where I live in New York, getting all haute with the formula, offering sugared cinnamon, spicy cheese powder, garlic flavoring and whatnot. Perhaps they're taking a tip from London cinemas, which offer patrons either sweet (I will NEVER make that mistake again) or salty popcorn. Maybe they're responding to the aforementioned health concerns by eliminating the grease and option for air popping. Perhaps they think that the sort of person who'd voluntarily give up an entire Saturday to sit through all 10 parts of Kieslowski's Decalogue wants to get all avant garde with their popcorn toppings as well. I say two greasy thumbs way down to that nonsense!

Salted, neon-yellow buttered popcorn has been a staple since Sam "The Popcorn Man" Rubin began selling it at his New York cinema concession stands in the 1930s. The practice became widespread in the 1950s, and now is inextricably linked with film. Whether it's the underfoot crunch of spilled kernels as patrons file from their seats, the low rustle of bags as audience members try to tip the last wisps of corn and salt into their mouths, the heady aroma wafting through the lobby as a fresh batch pops, or the thin layer of film that coats the fingers and roof of the mouth for hours afterward -- it's as culturally essential to a night at the movies as turkey is to Thankgiving, hot dogs to baseball games, or cotton candy to the circus. Why mess with a classic?

DVDs, surround sound and whiz-bang home theaters are grand and all, but until I can install a butter pump and industrial kettle popper at home, I'm going to keep crunching, munching, and licking my salty fingers while sitting in front of that silver screen. Who knows? I might even be convinced to share.


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