Don't Dishrespect me

5-16-2007 @5:15PM The Old Foodie said... Wouldn't (shouldn't) the natural response for servers (those servers who make the advance assumption that a female customer is going to tip less) to automatically UPGRADE their quality of service to those customers. Otherwise it is a self-fulfilling prophesy - women tip less because they receive poorer service.
http://theoldfoodie.blogspot.com/
Reply

5-16-2007 @5:25PM Scott said... On a similar note I noticed that my girlfriend tended to have her food cooked differently than me even if we ordered the same thing. For instance, we both love our red meat on the close-to-still-breathing level of doneness. If we both ordered burgers or steak or whatever and said "rare" mine would come out purple and bloody and hers would almost universally be more medium-rare or medium, as if they didn't trust a girl enjoying rare meat. I never really noticed that she was treated any differently by the waitstaff, other than always handing me the check even if she was paying that night.
Reply

5-16-2007 @7:08PM winebot said... ive served for a long time in a very upscale environment.
nothing struck more fear into my heart than a 6-top of gaggling ladies.
there was a tangible fear among the staff as noone wanted to take the table.
want to know why?

women drink less than men (if you dont sell alcohol, you dont make money as a server)

women eat less than men (you two are gonna split a salad and an entree? is that too much food? excuse me while i shoot myself in the crotchal region)

women LOVE to sit there and talk (if you dont turn tables quickly, you also dont make money).

am i generalizing? maybe a lot. but women do experience a tremendous amount of nominal social pressures which make them drink less, eat less, and gossip.

im not bitter, nor am i blaming women. but thats the way it goes, and its probably why you'll notice better service at a table of guys.

Reply

5-16-2007 @7:14PM Tamsin said... Often when I pay for a meal, the server brings the receipt back to my boyfriend to sign, not to me, even though my card has my obviously female picture on it!

Also, my boyfriend and I once ordered two appetizers to share, one involving fish and the other involving meat, and the server gave me the fish one - "Fish for the lady," I believe he said, like it was obvious. As if women don't like meat, and would never order it!

I do find that annoying, but I understand that there are stereotypes at work and it's a rather subconscious thing... I work at a cafe and I have, on occasion, when ringing up a couple, handed the credit card back to the man even though the woman paid and it's obviously her card. Horrible as it is, and ashamed of myself as I was, I guess it's just one of those gut reflexes, something I've been conditioned into.
Reply

5-16-2007 @7:15PM Taylor said... My mother and I were dining in a (at the time) cozy, hip and trendy Noho restaurant, and were completely ignored by our waiter. This was about 6 years ago, I was 20 and my mother was 45. It took them 20 mins to bring us our drinks, and once we did, they were almost immediately cleared by a busboy. Then we were asked if we wanted any desert, having never received menus. This was shamefully bad service. The only thing that differentiated us from anyone else in the restaurant was that we were women.
Reply

5-16-2007 @10:35PM dragonet2 said... I leave a note if I'm treated badly. Along with a minimum (15%) tip. To the point of the fact that I always tip 20% or more depending on the service, and at my favorite diner it may be more than that because I don't tip less than $2 on a less-than-$10 check.

And alas, I'm breaking in another diner staff. Nichols' Lunch went out of business--the staff knew me and my family and was alway glad to see us. No matter if I was alone or accompanied or even with a hoard (our Science Fiction club always went there after our monthly Saturday evening meeetings) the servers wanted to wait on us because they knew we'd be pleasant and fun to work with. And we tipped there Very Well. Especially after club meetings.
Reply

5-16-2007 @11:10PM kelbell said... i feel that handing the check to the male of a male and female two-top is only polite and natural. Imagine how awkward it might be to just lay the bill between a couple who were on their first or second date? Also, along with that, there are times when women get (should) be treated in a way different than men, such as ladies ordering first and pouring wine (oldest to youngest woman, then oldest to youngest man). I think it evens out.
Reply

5-16-2007 @11:49PM Christine said... I agree wholeheartedly with winebot @ #4.

I worked in a restaurant for a summer and noticed these exact things, plus a few more:

Women, in general, are CHEAP. They order the lowest-priced options available (can I get a half-order?!?!) and often opt for water instead of a regular beverage. It's excrutiating, as a waitress, to be forced to provide them with the same exemplary service you're giving to the wealthy couple in the booth - because that couple is going to tip you generously for you good service, and the ladies are going to give you a dollar for the cheapest meal they could wrangle from your restaurant.

Let me just say one thing: your waiter or waitress works their ASS off to provide you and the rest of his or her section with the best service they can. If they sucked - well, don't tip them. But if they did a good job, for God's sake, don't be such a stingy jerk and give them the extra dollar. It won't kill you and it really makes a difference.
Reply

5-17-2007 @12:11AM Robyn said... winebot makes good points, but i guess my group of friends is just strange. the women i hang out with are very generous and good tippers, while my husband is on the miserly side. his (male) friends are even worse--running out on the bill! i think this is more of a class thing; he and his friends are more working class background and just don't like spending a lot on food. plus that macho thing (see Burger King man commercials).

i can also vouch for the bill always going to the man. i thought it was because my husband and i both have gender neutral names, but apparently not. i think this is ridiculously out of date. plus it would be even more awkward if it were the woman's turn to pay and the server gave the check to the man!
Reply

5-17-2007 @3:00AM jac said... I'll have to agree with theposter who said that it is a self fulfilling prophecy. I am a 20 year old female college student with friends who are the same. WE GET TERRIBLE SERVICE wherever we go. The thing is, two of my friends are pretty well off and tip well, and my parents both worked in the restaurant industry and have taught me to always tip well. When i did a brief stint in the industry, my philosophy was to always give good service to people thjat were nice and polite--regardless of whether or not they were the demographic that tips well. I understand thet frustration that goes along with that sort of work, but it's not as if you're just working on tips. You are also getting a wage for your services and I really think that people should view the tip as a luxury--not as an entitlement. People in retail often do the same amount of work you do, but do not get tipped for their services.
Reply

5-17-2007 @10:24AM Amy Z said... I never noticed a difference in service (me being female). I noticed the opposite. It seemed good waiters/waitresses almost intuitively seemed to realize which one of us was on an expense account and was footing the bill (I used to travel every other week for my job and entertain clients, all the time). Even when I'd come in with 8+ clients of mixed race and gender, or just one or two other, within one interaction all questions and approvals went to me. This was true in very high-end places and in more run of the mill places.

And I guess I haven't paid much attention when I'm just out with friends and each of us pays on our own (or, actually more often then not we just trade off who's paying each time). However, since I haven't noticed anything, I don't think there's been any glaring slight to me. (Meaning it would have stood out to me if there had been).
Reply

5-17-2007 @12:15PM Ima Wurdibitsch said... I have noticed this and it bothers me. I tip very generously if the service is good. If the service is lacking, I still leave a tip; although the percentage drops according to just how bad it is.

I almost always pay with a credit or debit card. If the service is extremely good or extremely bad, I write a note on the credit receipt. This accomplishes two important goals for me. One, the server knows precisely why they received the amount of the tip. Two, the manager sees the comment when they do the tally.

I know I'm not going to single-handedly change the perceptions about women diners but I try. At the places I frequent, I receive superb service because they know I tip fairly and generously. I've also been known to wrestle the tab away from my dad to fill in the tip because he's a bit stingy. He'd argue fair but he's wrong. (grin)

If I know I'm going to keep a table from turning over quickly, I tell the server that upfront and reassure them that I'll make up for the slow turnover with their tip. It also keeps them and us from feeling rushed.

I whine or cheer about service at I Paid For That? http://ipaidforthat.blogspot.com I whine, cheer, and opine at The Wordy Bitch http://wordybitch.blogspot.com
Reply

5-17-2007 @9:53PM winebot said... ima,
you're a doll.
if only all my tables who stayed 30 min past closing when my gf is waiting for me to meet her could tell me upfront that they will compensate me properly for the time.

but women like you are far and few between.
in fact, there seem to be alot of exceptions btw the women here. i guess the rest felt guilty, and decided not to say anything.

never have i discriminated or been rude/untimely to a table of all women. in fact, instead of acting on stereotypes, i once, as i usually do, provided excellent service to a minority couple, only for them to tip me $0.00 on a $120 bill. i find discrimination trite and unprofessional, esp when stereotypes do not come true. but more often than not, the work you put into such a table brings little more than the automatic 18% added to their bill.

does that make me apprehensive when approaching a large group of women? a little. does it justify horrible service? absolutely not. if you are the perpetrator of some of the garbage service as indicated on this site, you are absolutely total trash.

much thanks to the ladies that helped me pay my bills through college, and especially the ones that would come on to me. i was very flattered. and my condolences to the women who met unfair treatment. not all of us are that bad.
Reply