I have discovered the secret to losing weight

by Bob Sassone, Posted Apr 3rd 2007 @ 1:30PM

I've done an extensive survey of all of the information about weight loss that you can find on the shelves of Border's and Barnes & Noble, and here are the results.

It seems as if the best way to lose weight and get in shape is a combo of the following: eating a lot of carbs, eating a lot of fat, cutting carbs out completely, drinking a lot of water, not eating any "white" foods at night like bread, rice, and pasta, eating just grapefruit, eating your meals in a mixed-up fashion (lunch for dinner, breakfast for lunch, etc), not eating after 8pm, eating a lot of soups, cutting out all candy, cakes, and processed foods, avoiding diet drinks, eating a Subway sub a couple of times a week, eating foods according to your blood type, eating foods according to color, eating a lot of fiber, training your brain to think like a thin person, eating like they do in France, eating like they do in China, not counting calories, making sure you count calories, taking vitamins and supplements, become a vegan, eating more meat, eat a lot of apples, eating only raw foods, and joining one of the weight loss organizations such as Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig.

If you follow the above rules, you should get in shape very quickly. You're welcome.

Filed Under: Trends, Health & Medical, Books
Tags: atkins, bad carbs, calories, drinking a lot of water, fiber, good carbs, GoodCarbs, healthy eating, jenny craig, losing weight, soup, south beach diet, sugar, supplements, vitamins, weight watchers

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Reader comments (Page 2 of 2)

4-05-2007 @3:28AM Anne said... #19: I think a lot of people here actually responded to the joke in their own way. Which is: it's ridiculous how many different ideologies and stupid rules there are how to lose weight, when it really boils down to three simple things (in my opinion): Eat better, eat less and work out more.

The sad fact is - or at least I imagine - that everybody is looking for a miracle diet when it's all so simple.
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4-04-2007 @6:34PM jessica said... you guys are a bunch of boring idiots. this post was a joke. it obviously was not a call for advice on how to lose weight. i just wish people would shut the f*** up about what worked for them and LAUGH at bob's post. no one wants to hear about how you lost weight and how it's better than all the other techniques. that's exactly what he's making fun of in this post.
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4-05-2007 @3:11PM dan said... Sean got it.
I was trying to lose 30 pounds, at the rate of a pound a week. Sure I could lose a lot more weight more quickly "going on a diet"... usually watching carbs. But, resuming my old diet I would just gain the weight back. So, instead, I started counting calories and watching when I was eating. I exercised the same amount, 5 days a week-30 minutes a day--heartbeat over 135 bpm. It was as simple as watching (and weighing portion size) along with "only filling up the car when I needed gas" (mostly ruling out large dinners). When you watch calories you tend to get rid of things that are high / empty calories (let's see, fried foods were out right away, along with the difficult of portion control) notably because when you eat these things you are still hungry. Focusing on eating complete breakfasts and lunches, without going overboard on dinner... I lost my pound a week. And after a year, I have kept it off permanently. Over a period of doing this type of thing, you diet changes and you still have a sense of what you can reasonably eat. Oh, I still eat cookies occasionally...but it is balanced out with the overall consumption.
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4-06-2007 @4:20PM Olga said... Joe,

Yeah i never eat fast food, I should have mentioned that too. But if i had a desire to had a burger, i would probably eat it after an intense workout, when i know i REALLY earned it.
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4-07-2007 @4:20PM mimicr1 said... ok Arron, what is a vagan diet and how does it work...julia....mimicr1@aol.com
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4-17-2007 @3:45PM Telsha said... And...how much do you weigh?
Though it was meant as a joke...this is a VERY serious topic for Americans.
The only idiot's are those that are still choosing to ignore the fact that being over weight is causing people (including children)to have diseases (diabetes, high blood pressure, strokes) and to DIE early. The whole weight epidemic...is NOT a joke. How dare you attack people like that?
So...we really didn't want to hear what you had to say. STAY POSITIVE!!!!

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