With only a few days left until Valentine's, we thought that it would be fun to take a look at the role that food can play in our relationships with a little mini series leading into February 14th.
While we may not think about food all the time, it is a huge part of our daily lives. If we're not eating, we might be planning for the next meal or looking at restaurant reviews online, trying to decide where to eat over the weekend. Our own food preferences are usually at the forefront of our minds as we think about these things. We judge what sounds appealing to us, what menu items are tempting.
It isn't until another person is introduced into the equation that we run into problems. Most of the time, this isn't a big deal. Restaurants offer large menus and most people eat a wide variety of foods, but when your date has a very restrictive diet - vegan, macrobiotic, only purple foods - it can really through a kink into your plans. Have you ever dated someone with a really restrictive diet? How did you work around it or did it turn out to be a dealbreaker?
2-09-2007 @11:07AM Greg said... I started dating someone who cannot have milk products about two and a half years ago. At first it was hard to adjust to cooking without butter, cream, milk, cheese, etc. but after a while, it became a part of my life, too. It has actually made me a better thinker in the kitchen - I have to be much more experimental and it has turned out to be great. So I guess it is sort of what you make of it - It would be hard for me to decided that Humboldt Fog is more important than human interaction.
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2-09-2007 @11:47AM Carolyn said... Actually I'm the one with the restrictive diet. I have a horrendous stomach. Luckily my boyfriend has been really great about asking me what he should and shouldn't put into our dinners. When we eat out, he always looks at the menu for things that I can't have just to be sure that I don't order them by mistake. So sweet.
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2-09-2007 @12:13PM Kate said... I dated a guy once who pretty much only ate chicken nuggets, steak, fries and vegetables. No bread at all. I couldn't stand it. It put a real damper on our relationship... I couldn't bake fun things like cookies and pastries because he wouldn't eat them.
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3-02-2007 @10:20AM david said... Well, I certainly do hope that Greg is representative of the general view as I have just come off eggs and diary and am fearful that this might cramp my style.
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2-09-2007 @2:16PM Lynne said... For about ten years I dated a very strict vegetarian. He avoided cheese that was made with animal rennet, so he avoided most cheeses unless he could read the label. He also wouldn't eat refined sugar, because may sugar refineries use bone char. Since nearly all packaed foods containt sugar and it's impossible to know what company is supplying the sugar, pretty much everything we ate together had to be sugar-free.
With those limits in mind, he'd try pretty much anything. And I have to say that dating him expanded my foodie horizons. As the official "taster" of questionable dishes, I learned a lot about unfamiliar vegetables. I know how to press tofu and I can make a mean sugar-free carrot cake.
There were times I wanted to try restaurants that didn't have anything he could eat on the menu, and he'd always offer to go anyway. I don't think he understood how awkward I'd feel digging into a full 3-course meal while he ate a side salad.
I'm now dating an omnivore. I hate to say this, but it's a lot more convenient. We can split dishes in restaurants. I can order dessert and he'll help me eat it. I can cook the bigger cuts of meat I wouldn't have attempted when it was just me eating them.
I would never discourage anyone from dating someone with a limited diet. While eating is an important communal experience, it's not the ONLY communal experience. But dating someone with similar eating habits does make life easier.
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2-09-2007 @1:31PM Kat said... I also have a restrictive diet. I am allergic to vegetables and bread. I eat meat. That limits some of the places and it has cost me dates. One guy told me it was not "worth his time" to wrangle around my dietary needs, another just walked away from the table. Both instances sucked but I doubt most men are like that. Most people have the common sense to see past sensitivities and restrictions and are able to embrace the actual personality of the person.
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2-09-2007 @1:31PM Purple Woman said... Great post Nicole! I don't even like to dine with people who cannot enjoy a full range of foods. I guess ordering out in a restaurant is okay, eat what you want, but for a partner, or cooking for other people in your home, very annoying.
You have to have harmony in your home. I read something once that your blood type has something to do with the type of diet you require or crave. My husband and I are the same type, O Positive, heavy protien diet. We both like to cook and eat and we are very experimental. We are definitely SF Bay Area foodies.
Oh, and, hey, who knew there is a purple foods only diet! Too funny.
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2-09-2007 @2:03PM Jonny said... OK, I'll admit it. Even though I'm now in a serious relationship I cannot nor will I date a vegetarian or a vegan. If you are a picky eater, that is remarkably unsexy and you are gone too. As far as lactose or gluten intolerance, those are things I can work with, but veggies are out of the picture the moment I know they are vegetarian.
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2-09-2007 @2:36PM Mike Wallace said... My issue has never been with people with "restrictive diets" but rather with people who fear trying new things. I've run across people to whom "new things" are anything outside of the hamburger/pizza vein. I currently live in SF, and I know someone who's never had a burrito, and is unwilling to try one because it's new and scary. Erk.
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2-09-2007 @2:35PM Heather said... I think the real problem is dating someone who is just generally inflexible in their way of life. Part of being in a relationship is being tolerant and willing to compromise, and food is just part of that. For instance, my husband is really cool about my desire to buy indie-yuppy food, i.e. sustainably farmed produce, humanely raised animal products, etc. At the same time, I understand that sometimes you just have to go out and get a cheeseburger, grass-fed or otherwise.
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2-09-2007 @3:30PM Sarah said... I'm a vegan and I must say that if I ever dated anyone again (I really love my current omnivore boyfriend), I'd want to date a vegan. I realize that it can not be much fun to date someone who has a restrictive diet, but if the person is on that diet for reasons other than health, then it can be a bummer for the vegan to see someone they love eating something the vegan is morally opposed to. Seriously, my boyfriend says that it must be like watching everyone else eat bugs and enjoying it, while you're eating a side salad because that's the only thing you can possibly eat on the menu.
I can only say though, that I am very lucky to be dating my boyfriend. While he does love his steak, if we're in a restaurant, he usually orders vegan so that we can share food, and he has a palate for pretty exotic foods. He's even cooking for me this Valentine's day!
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2-09-2007 @5:12PM Foodie Bride said... Medically restrictive I can deal with - I can cook around diabetes and GI problems. Learning up-front that he was a vegan/vegetarian? Absolutely a deal-breaker - I'm a deep-south steak & potatoes kind of girl.
I married a picky eater, but he's picky in the sense that the only thing he knew before me was pasta & meat sauce or Red Baron's. It has been fun cooking "new" things for him.
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2-09-2007 @5:38PM sara said... Kat #5: I understand being allergic to bread may be due to a gluten intolerance, but what is the ONE compound in EVERY single vegetable on Earth that you are allergic too?
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2-09-2007 @7:35PM Jenny said... yeah, I'm going to say that there's no such thing as being allergic to bread and vegetables. Come on.
that said, I have celiac disease and also can't have dairy because of a casein allergy, and it hasn't hampered my marriage at all. Rarely, if ever, comes up, unless we're eating out and there's nothing on the menu I can eat. Then we just go somewhere else.
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2-09-2007 @7:48PM jackie said... I was vegetarian for years and years, and hated dating non-vegetarian guys. You'd go to a restuarant and they'd always want to "sample" what I ordered, but I couldn't sample their meaty fare.
When I started dating my current boyfriend, we were both veg. I've come back to the dark side with a vengeance and will eat burgers and pork products like no one's business.
He's not offended by my omnivorousness, and I'm not put out by his not wanting to eat meat. What someone eats or not eats shouldn't be a deal breaker. If you won't date a girl/guy because they are vegetarian or whatever, how unwavering/uncompromising are you in the rest of your relationship?
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2-09-2007 @9:01PM esmereldagrubb said... Dating someone with an Eating Disorder is toxic and all these "restrictive eaters" , i think have eating disorders...
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2-09-2007 @11:23PM steamedbun said... I never dated someone with a food allergy until recently; he is allergic (not deathly) to anything with peanuts in them, that and cantaloupe and bananas.
I can live without the latter, but peanut butter I absolutely love and can eat straight from the jar.
I remember once giving him some Japanese Senbei (snack crackers) which had peanuts in them, which were not apparent; only until after he bit into the cookie and spit it out did I know and I felt incredibly guilty afterwards. It's really tough sometimes; I would hate to be responsible in potentially harming the person I am dating.
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2-10-2007 @12:33AM GhaleonQ said... I'm the irritating healthy eater, but it's rather simple. If we just go out to eat at a non-healthy place, I grab some water or a diet soda and carry on conversation. If we go to a fine dining restaurant for a special occassion, she's kind enough to pick a place with grilled, boiled, steamed, roasted, or smoked options. Likewise, if she wants to cook something for us, she'll pick something healthy the majority of the time. In return, I've learned to make her favorite dishes and do so quite often. I also grocery shop for myself to avoid extra work and memorization for her.
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2-10-2007 @10:06AM Cary said... My sister once dated a nice enough guy (not THE ONE) who was seriously reactive to the lily family (onions, GARLIC, etc.) It was horrifying trying to cook for them or get a meal at a restaurant without causing serious aggravation for all concerned. While it was so not his fault, it was the straw that broke the camel's back and she ended it sooner than later, for many reasons, but that definitely played into it!
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2-11-2007 @4:23PM MDL said... I've dated a few picky eaters. It was always a problem. Chicken and pasta get old very quick when you find you're eating it most nights of the week.
Picky and unadventuresome eating is very different than having medical issues with certain foods. I'm willing to date someone with the latter, but if it's the former, I'm afraid that it probably won't work out.
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