Any kid can tell you that some candies are much more desirable than others when it comes to Halloween booty even though they're all free and most know that they're not supposed to look a gift horse in the mouth. But even though the kids can be polite when receiving the candy, they ruthlessly categorize and consume it according to what is known as the Halloween Candy Hierarchy. The Hierarchy is based on "years of research and debate, on thorough testing and re-testing...and whatnot" and ranks all Halloween goodies in from top to bottom.
- TOP TIER - Chocolate based: Milky Way, Snickers, all M&M's, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, Junior Mints, Kit Kat, Twix, milk chocolate Hershey bars
- SECOND TIER - Lesser chocolate based: Nestle Crunch, Almond Joy, Mounds, Tootsie Rolls, Dark Chocolate Hershey Bars, Fair Trade Chocolate
- THIRD TIER - "Upper Chewy": Milk Duds, Starburst, Jolly Ranchers (if a good flavor), 100 Grand Bar
- BOTTOM TIER - "Lower Chewy", gummy and crunchy center: Dots, Lollipops, Nerds, Whoppers, Swedish Fish, Gummy Bears, Licorice, Anything from Brach's, Hard Candy, Gum, LaffyTaffy, Jolly Ranchers (if a bad flavor), Bottle Caps, Smarties
- "Tier so low it does not register on our equipment" - Anything healthy, anything inedible
Obviously, the results are open to some interpretation and some candies Skittles, for example, are not included. Toothpaste should also be included as well-meaning, but lame, in the lowest rung. But perhaps all this is something to keep in mind when you want to know what will make the kids happy next Halloween.
[Thanks, Bob!]
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