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The Seattle Times brought up a good point with an article about dealing with dietary restrictions in social situations. In restaurants, it is a relatively simple matter to let your waiter or the chef know that you have food allergies or would prefer to have your dish without, say, cilantro. But food issues can be more problematic when dining at the home of friends or acquaintances.
It is always acceptable to let people know when you have allergies - preferably in advance - but what about food preferences? Should you tell the host that you follow the Atkins diet and your significant other doesn't eat any dairy products and hates onions?
Unfortunately, there is no one real answer, but since most hosts and hostesses want people to enjoy the party and the food they prepare, it can be easier to mention some things up front, than to refuse all food at the dinner. As a general rule, it is a good idea to politely mention "big" things, such as whether you are a vegetarian or vegan, but if you really have a laundry list of foods you just don't like, be willing to compromise and pick some out. To play it safe, offer to bring a dish (or two), which will not only take pressure off the host/hostess, but will make sure there is something you can eat.
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8-17-2006 @9:48AM Alex said... Unless eating something is going to kill you or make you blow up like a balloon you eat what is put in front of you when dining at other people's houses.
Some friends and I have got to the point where we won't invite people who don't eat this, that or the other. The amount of effort that goes into catering for personal preferences is something that is rarely reciprocrated. I would much rather spend my time and money constructing a menu that will be appreciated, than compromise by catering for whimsy.
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8-17-2006 @10:05AM Chris said... Let me preface this by saying that I've got a pretty unusual diet that consists almost soley of cheese pizza (MAYBE sausage & pepperoni few times a year), plain white pasta alfredo, cheese sticks, cheese sandwiches, etc.. The only meat I eat is the afformentioned sausage & pepperoni on pizza, but that is very rare. Fruits & veggies are an absolute no go aside from the biproducts (ketchup, pizza sauce). Needless to say, I can have some odd requests, but I do understand that and as such go out of my way to ask politely.
This article brings up some good tips on etiquette but leaves me wondering about what to do with wait staff (or worse, cooks) who either take offense or halfway jump on you for special requests. For instance, on several occasions when ordering pasta alfredo I have asked very nicely & patiently that they don't sprinkle the "green topping" (or whatever it is) on the pasta. These requests have often times resulted in immediately recieving a nasty look and an explanation of "It's just ____, you can't even taste it". How is this supposed to be handled? Should I ask for a manager, should I just eat the green stuff (that I can taste/feel), should I just let the tip (if there is one) reflect their helpful insight, should I explain that I'm technically making the cook's job easier AND saving the restaurant money? What would you do?
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8-17-2006 @10:27AM Heather said...
If your polite request of the watistaff or cook was met with derisiveness of any kind, let your wallet do most of the talking. If it were me, I would leave an explanation with the manager or through a follow up phone call or e-mail.
Now, as a former server, I must say the phrasing and tone of your request may go a long way to its reception. It is best to deliver all requests in a serious manner so a server knows you aren't being silly or flippant. (Yes, that happens quite often.)
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8-17-2006 @11:57AM Wingie said... Usually, I ask for dietary restrictions and such on my invitations, and my guests reply when RSVPing. This has worked out marvelously well. Besides, lots of guests who have strong preferences of things usually only ask me to make the pieces of food they do not like large, so they can pick them out, so it's not a problem.
Unless I happen to be dating you, then all dietary preferences will be respected.
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8-17-2006 @12:29PM MJ said... I was taught to be polite if its something you are allergic to or just plain dont like eat other thing that is served. If thats the only thing on the main course.............Drink lots of wine LOL..........
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8-17-2006 @12:37PM Susan Haniote said... Another excellent topic brought up by Nicole. Every host will have their own way of handling this issue, and should feel comfortable with it. I have some intolerances -- excessive onions, raw cabbage -- but will pick them out, sheepishly. As for preferences, I try to limit my guest list to adults.
All of this has me thinking about a story I just read... http://www.popmatters.com/features/060815-foodporn.shtml ... and I'm wondering how to take it.
Keep up the great blog, Nicole!
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8-17-2006 @12:42PM Rob Brooks-Bilson said... Since I tend to stray toward the experimental when having people over, I always ask for food allergies, dislikes as well as likes when planning a menu. It's worked every time but once ;-)
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8-17-2006 @12:49PM Hawk said... I don't like mushrooms, and will happily eat around them with no concern for the chef's taste. It's not a big deal. If it's something like, "this dish consists of mushrooms", I might try eating it. If it's those little gray ones that go on pizza though, blah. Portabello? Okay. Shiitake? Okay.
As for food intolerances, my gluten intolerance isn't bad enough that I can't eat wheat, and I usually crave wheaty things so I just eat it up and take the punches.
I think if you're at a friend's place, be nice but if you can't eat it, you can't eat it. If you're paying for the food, you should consider either not eating wherever, or being polite. Totally decimating your social life / business life because you can't eat X is not worth it.
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8-17-2006 @1:11PM calamari said... The author of that article seems to have gotten stoned on his own adjectives.
"Food porn" is possible because food is cheap in comparison to middle-class incomes. What happened in the U.S. before food porn wasn't this natural, spontaneous savoring of good food -- read a 1960s cookbook and weep! It was Fun With Organ Meats... or 182 Casseroles Your Family Will Love. Drudge cooking, using cheap or "convenience" ingredients -- varied with insanely elaborate salads and decorated cakes -- dominated the old days.
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8-17-2006 @1:58PM joe said... i tell whoever is picky at one of my gatherings: "if you don't like it, dont eat it."
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8-17-2006 @2:00PM Kearns said... Coming from a family with many many food restrictions, it amazes me how many people get upset with this topic. In my extended family we have dietary restrictions for disease, allergies, religion, and in some slight cases just a distaste. The point of getting together isn't to be a food snob, but to enjoy the company of others, no?
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8-17-2006 @7:00PM kevin said... If you have an allergy, let me know and I'll do everything in my power to accomodate you. If it's a small get-together and I happen to know you don't like lamb, I probably won't fix lamb. If I'm feeding a dozen or so people and lamb is on the menu, then _lamb_is_on_the_menu. Try it, maybe you'll like it this time.
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8-18-2006 @1:46PM Amy Z said... I have recently made some friends with numerous food allergies. Up until now, it hasn't been a problem for me when thinking of dinner menus, potluck items, etc. It's really made me have to think of what I'm cooking all the time. I don't mind - I really don't since I don't want to kill anyone. But it's just a new way of thinking when cooking. I have some signature dishes that I can't make anymore, at least among this curcle of friends. For example, one friend is allergic to nuts, shellfish, citris, eggs, mushrooms and chocolate. Now the mushrooms and citrus aren't as severe as the others so she's fine eating around them. But we just did an Iron Chef party and one chef made a Thai peanut sauce, and since they used the same utensils to cook their other dishes she couldn't eat any of their food; and one other made a lot of citrus glazes. Good thing we had 3 chefs competing or she wouldn't have been able to eat at all.
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8-20-2006 @3:23PM mella said... Allergies? OK. Religious restrictions? No problem. But if I invite someone for a meal, I am under no obligation to cater to their likes and dislikes. As stated earlier, I will avoid cooking something that I no is disliked by a guest. For example, my mother-in-law seriously dislikes onion. So, as difficult as I find it, I cook without it for her. But if a guest RSVP'd with a list of foods they did not care for, they wouldn't have to worry about being served those foods because they would no longer be my guest.
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9-02-2006 @2:13PM Susan Ands said... Known as a generous & successful hostess I ALWAYS want guests to enjoy my efforts.
Therefore I have a book and note friends absolute dislikes/or allergies to. This helps me to plan meals.
Those who arrive for a beef roast then tell me they are vegetarian are oferred lettuce leaves on a lovely china plate.
I consider it rude not to warn your hostess in advance. It is all a matter of give and take.
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9-02-2006 @4:39PM Gary Keck said... My wife has developed many food allergies over the years, and it can make eating out alot of trouble. She can't have pork, any molds or fungi (cheese,mushrooms, wines or sauces withe those items in them), beets, okra, and peanuts.
It makes dining out rather difficult at times, but we do find some very good restraunts that will work around her allergies.
What hurts, is the fact that our family and friends don't seem to understand that she can't handle eating anything with these items in it, or end up in ER.
It has cut extensively into our party listing.
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9-04-2006 @12:39PM Courtney said... Whatever happened to etiquette? It used to be that ill-bred boors (i.e., vegans and such)didn't travel in social cicles that gave dinner parties.
If I invite you to my dinner party, and I want to know your preferences, I'll ask (if I'm dumb enough to invite you in the first place). If I'm throwing a pot-luck or a BYO, I'll let you know that, too. Otherwise, you may assume that my cooking is fantastic, and the price is right. And if I really care what you will and will not eat, I'll ask you out to a restaurant to dinner, and you may take it up with the waiter. If you don't like my invitation as is, you are free to decline. Oh, and if you're vegan, or don't have a very sophisticated palate, you may invite me instead. If I come, I'll show how to push those peas around on your plate so that it looks like you ate something. That's called good manners.
PS: And don't forget to bring the wine!
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9-02-2006 @2:50PM Konnie said... Chris may have a compulsive disorder. Perhaps a talk with a psychologist is in order. A nutritionist should be consulted, as Chris' diet may be detrimental to his/her health when he/she reaches middle age.
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9-02-2006 @2:26PM james proseus said... I am meat and potatoes with no sauces. Hate vegges.so I just don't accept invitations except to restraurants.
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9-02-2006 @2:34PM catherine mabe said... when i host a party i try to find out my company's like's and dislike's especially since i invite a varity of friends who are from differnt cultures. i myself live in the south and was not raised here all of my friend's know i do not like many southern type foods. we all get along and enjoy cooking for each other.
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