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It's not often that you see Dr. Joyce Brother's answer a question pertaining to food, but this seems like an issue that could be a problem for many foodies. No, it's not a 9 1/2 Weeks sort of thing. The question is about what to do when an adventurous eater is interested in someone who is not only picky and unadventurous ("the culinary tastes of a 6-year-old) in their eating habits, but is also entirely uninterested in changing.
Dr. Joyce said that the foodie is better off finding someone who can share her interest in food, since cooking and meals are not only important to her, but are a huge part of everyday life. It can be difficult to choose restaurants and menus when dining with friends if one or two people only ever want a cheeseburger and fries - imagine how much more frustrating that would be in a relationship when the issue comes up three times a day. Even if she could put aside her interests from time to time, it would only cause friction in the relationship as time went on.
It's sound advice. But the temptation must be there to try and convince the unwilling eater to expand his or her horizons. Has anyone succeeded in converting the PB&J devotee to something a little more exciting?
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6-03-2006 @3:34PM wooda said... been through this myself, and found out over time we were incompatible in other, ahem, departments as well. but it took time to realize all this, because on this surface we seemed so similar. in retrospect, i don't think that as a foodie i would date someone so picky AND unadventurous again--too frustrating for both, and it really does come up A LOT!!!
also, all he really liked was cooking in butter and loads of meat, and i gained tons of weight eating "his way." now i can have all the beans, spices, and complicated dishes i want.
save yourself the pain and frustration and consider this issue like a smoker/non-smoker deal breaking condition, on either sides of the foodie table!
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6-03-2006 @3:47PM chef ccsr said... Yes! (To a degree) When I met my husband he was a meat and mashed potatoes kind of guy. (On early dates in nice restaurants he'd ask for yellow mustard and use the dinner rolls to make a sandwich with his beautiful strip steak). But trial and error and compromise found the fish, mushrooms, vegetables, and ethnic foods he enjoyed and let me experiment in the kitchen. He actually ended up working as a chef and we operated our own full service catering before he passed. He learned to use and enjoy the whole spice cabinet, not just salt, pepper, and sage at Thanksgiving. Compromise is key!
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6-03-2006 @4:18PM Richard said... It works for me, maybe because i'm a guy, and women generally don't expect me to be able to cook. With enough work I convinced my last girlfriend to try a whole bunch of new foods through my cooking.
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6-03-2006 @6:02PM rainey said... Nonsense! When you meet the right person you don't start looking for problems. If you aren't creative and committed enough to get over this hurdle the marriage prospects aren't worth much anyway.
My husband was white-bread-all-the-way when I met him 39 years ago. We have three kids: 2 are culinarily adventuresome like me, 1 is, if anything, more limited than my husband. I wouldn't give either of them or what they've brought to my life up for a moment!
Someone needs to tell Joyce Brothers that no one but NO ONE eats three meals a day together anymore. And no one has a major problem with breakfast. So that leaves one meal a day. You can compromise with that including eating out frequently and going nutz when the fussy eater is out of town. AND, in case she's never noticed, people change over time. Give someone enough incentive (how much they love you, how they appreciate that you respect their limits, how interesting a taste of something new can be) and they may not completely change but they do become open to new possibilities in time.
A meal is about pleasure — whatever that comes from. A relationship is about respect, trust and love and no one ever said it's important that you're always eating the same thing! And Joyce always knew more about boxing than she did about psychology regardless of her title.
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6-03-2006 @7:25PM Dave Barnhart said... My wife and I were married for many years before I could get her to try Chinese food because her only prior expereince with it had been that grisly chow mein stuff in the cans from the supermarket. Grndually over the years, she has gotten much more open-minded.
The key I think is successive approximations of the desired behavior. Start out coaxing her/him to eat things that are only a tiny bit different from what he/she is comfortable with and keep working at it.
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6-03-2006 @10:01PM Dan Tannenbaum said... I agree! Compromise is the key. I will eat almost anything, as long as I can catch it before it eats me! My wife has somewhat more refined tastes than that, so whenever the subject come up as to where we would like to eat out, I let her make the choice all the time. I am NEVER disappointed. At home, I mostly cook Italian and Steaks/Chops/Chicken on the grill (and yes, as I live in New England I DO shovel a path to my grill in the snow!
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6-03-2006 @11:36PM John said... When we met (about 11 years ago), my wife was a Kraft Mac-and-Cheese and Spaghetti-O's type of person. She had no OBJECTION to finer, more carefully-planned fare; she'd just never experienced it. In fact, until shortly before we were married, she had never tasted seafood (with the possible exception of Mrs. Paul's fish sticks).
Nowadays, she will--at the very least--give any dish the old college try. She may or may not like it. But she's learned to become willing to try things that are (for her) unusual.
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6-04-2006 @12:13AM Angela Pitt said... Let them eat what they want and you eat what you want.
Be flexible but don't compromise in what you believe.
My boyfriend and I have totally different attitudes
about food and we get along fine. We come together when one of us orders pizza!
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6-04-2006 @2:24AM jason said... if you can teach a man in his forties to love brussels sprouts anything can change just give them a "what are to a Wimp" type attitude and go out and tip your waiter
p.s. never let the NON FOODIE pay- if their too slow to try new things i doubt that they can tip
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6-04-2006 @12:34PM chef ccsr said... As I said in my comments (2) my husband and I made it work, but at one point I had to help my foodie sister realize that a long term relationship with her garlic allergic boyfriend was just not an option- for her or us. Not his fault, but still!
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6-05-2006 @11:03AM Rebecca said... Patience, politeness and a willingess to experiment are what keep a foodie and a picky eater together. To the foodie: be patient and polite.
If you cook, offer the picky eater only a few experiments over the period of a week. Involve them in deciding the menu, and if it's an experimentation night - make something (a side, a salad, a desert) you know they'll like.
If you eat out, make sure the picky eater knows your destination and the menu before you go. Most restaurants serve regular looking american meals too - just under a different sauce or using a different cut. Helping the picky eater decypher the menu is a good start. If they don't want to fuss with ordering (asking for one thing, not the other) order for them.
Most important - politeness, on both sides. If the picky eater doesn't want to experiment tonight - don't force the issue. If the foodie really wants to experiement, allow them.
It's worked so far for me. :)
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6-07-2006 @3:07PM vivshmack said... wow. lots of comments rooting for patience.
not me tho. dated a guy who was not only a picky eater (no tomatoes, no mushy food, no "ethnic" food, american/provolone cheeses only, and a whole host of other weird regulations), but also a picky situation eater. for example, he refused to attend potlucks, banquets, picnics, buffets because the sight of "all those people gorging" themselves was too much for him.
sounded more like psychological issue than an actual food issue. probably stems from insecurities from his obese parents.
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